A guyβs Mom comes to visit him at his job at the aquarium where she finds him feeding a baby dolphin. She says look at you, you were smart. You could have had a real job, really done some good for the world. Her son snapped back,...
Hey, my job serves a youthful porpoise!
π︎ 7
π
︎ Feb 13 2021
My goldfish looked really skinny, so I added some steroids to the aquarium water.
Now things are Hunky Dory.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Dec 27 2020
Aquarium owners never snitch
Theyβre good at keeping sea crits
π︎ 10
π
︎ Nov 21 2020
Joke attempt from my daughter: what do you call an Aquarium that hurts fish?
π︎ 37
π
︎ Oct 02 2020
I was walking around this aquarium the other day. When I heard these 2 fish singing....
I think it was Pike and Tina Tuna.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Nov 10 2020
What do you call it when a lorry of tortoises crashes into an aquarium?
π︎ 19
π
︎ Oct 11 2020
One day a guy went to an aquarium , but they had only one animal
π︎ 16
π
︎ Aug 19 2020
There's a discount to get into our local aquarium, as long as you're camping, or dressed as a dolphin.
So, to all in tents and porpoises, it's free!
π︎ 25
π
︎ May 20 2020
I just got promoted to general manager at the aquarium!
I'm going to have a corner offish and everything!
π︎ 13
π
︎ May 27 2020
Why did the Nuclear Reactor have an aquarium nextdoor?
To put all its nuclear fission.
π︎ 10
π
︎ May 14 2020
Why does keeping a fish aquarium calm the brain?
π︎ 46
π
︎ Mar 18 2020
Did you hear they closed the aquarium?
Itβs for training porpoises.
π︎ 7
π
︎ May 11 2020
A power plant blows up near a aquarium...
and I had to be the one to tell my boss about the mutated eels. After I gathered all my courage, I said to him
βSir, the eels have fur all over them and are humanoid too!β
My boss looked so surprised, and was silent for a minute or two. Finally, he asked me
βFur-eel man?β
π︎ 13
π
︎ Apr 24 2020
Really Punny, Aquarium!
π︎ 8
π
︎ Feb 20 2020
Get an aquarium for your house.
It helps stimulate positive thinking in your brain because of all the indoor fins.
π︎ 14
π
︎ Dec 23 2019
Me and my spouse own an aquarium.
Today I accidentally set loose the dolphins.
My wife has no porpoise.
π︎ 16
π
︎ Jan 31 2020
What do libraries and small aquariums have in common?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jan 23 2020
They had to close the restaurant at the aquarium.
It had served its porpoise.
π︎ 12
π
︎ Nov 24 2019
I went to the aquarium and peed on one of the specimens
The manager saw me and exclaimed "You did that on porpoise!!"
π︎ 10
π
︎ Nov 25 2019
Aquarium humor needed
I work at an Aquarium. Our sister site is a Zoo, and when we have quarterly meetings for all staff members, they call the meeting State of the Zoonion.
I am really trying to come up with a comparable name for our Aquarium all-staff meeting that features some good Aquarium/fish humor. Help!
π︎ 2
π
︎ Sep 25 2019
We were at the aquarium. All dads in the vicinity made the same joke.....
There was a man cleaning a tank but all you could see was his hand. My dad leans to me and says "look! It's a rare hand fish."
The dad next to us with his two kids said "look everyone? Do you see the hand fish? That ones my favorite."
As we walked a way another family walked up and I heard their dad say "here we have the hand fish."
Edit: I told my dad about the response this is getting, to which he replied "Wow. Is it going viral? Should I call my doctor?" (Keep in mind he doesn't know how the internet works.)
π︎ 6k
π
︎ Aug 09 2015
A guy went to a pet shop. βIβd like to buy a goldfish pleaseβ. βCertainly sir. Would you like an aquarium?β ...
βI donβt care what star sign it isβ The guy replies.
π︎ 12
π
︎ Oct 20 2019
I was at the aquarium and saw two cephalopods helping each other...
It was a clear case of squid pro quo.
π︎ 14
π
︎ May 01 2019
I was at the store deciding between a saltwater aquarium and a houseplant to decorate my home. I finally settled on a beautiful fern.
I said to my wife, "With fronds like these, who needs anemones?"
π︎ 6
π
︎ Aug 18 2019
If I owned an aquarium store, Iβd call it...
π︎ 15
π
︎ May 28 2018
Having a home aquarium is a great way to feel better.
It provides you with indoor fins
π︎ 13
π
︎ Jun 18 2019
Got fired from the aquarium today...
I couldn't get along with the dolphins, and my boss said I lacked any sense of porpoise.
π︎ 32
π
︎ May 15 2018
I went to the aquarium today! I saw many animals... And even an Electric Eel!
π︎ 2
π
︎ Aug 01 2019
I asked my dad to bring me a glass of water, so he pointed at my aquarium and said "you have plenty" and walked out, and now everytime I ask for water he does this
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jun 08 2019
Walking into any aquarium or fish restaurant
"(I don't know),Β yβall, something smells fishy here."
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jun 16 2019
Some guy destroyed my saltwater aquarium, so now we hang out all the time.
The enemy of my anemone is my friend.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Feb 16 2019
Did you hear about the aquarium that is having an existential crisis?
They lost their porpoise...
π︎ 5
π
︎ Dec 10 2018
The pH in my wifeβs aquarium is too high...
...bunch of basic fishes.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Sep 04 2018
Why did the dolphin-less aquarium shut down?
π︎ 7
π
︎ Aug 27 2018
It's so sad that aquarium is having financial troubles...
Some might say its floundering
π︎ 16
π
︎ Jul 24 2013
Why makes aquarium fish so happy?
π︎ 35
π
︎ Oct 03 2012
An American and an Italian are in an aquarium.
The American says, "hey, what kind of eel is that?". The Italian replies, "that's a moray".
π︎ 53
π
︎ Jan 07 2017
I was at the aquarium the other day.
Staff members told me that the dwarf seahorse was quite small.
I didn't skip a beat, stating "yeah, he's a bit shrimpy".
π︎ 23
π
︎ Apr 18 2017
Want to go to the aquarium?
Turtley.
Dolphinately.
For shark.
Shell yeah.
Tanks, but no tanks.
Water you talking about?
Not on porpoise.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Apr 12 2015
Dad hit me with this at the aquarium.
How many tickles does it take to make a an octopus laugh?
Tentacles.
π︎ 18
π
︎ Aug 20 2016
I bought some new structures to put inside my aquarium and sent a picture to my parents
my mom texted me back and said, "ruined, your tank is ruined."
I texted her back asking," why? what's wrong with it. I really like it."
Then my mom replies, " there are ancient ruins everywhere. You ruin-ed it...."
I was not ready for that one, it had me rolling :) and yes I did just fill my tank with a bunch of structures that look like ancient ruins
π︎ 22
π
︎ Dec 14 2016
At the aquarium when suddenly...
Kids ask "Daddy, why isn't the dolphin moving?"
I reply "Because it has no porpoise in life"
π︎ 39
π
︎ Jan 21 2015
No escape from dad jokes, even at the aquarium
I took my fiancΓ©e to the sea life centre this afternoon. In the walk-through tunnel under the aquarium, she spotted a fish which had a large wound on its side which looked quite nasty.
"I wonder what happened to it" she asked.
"Maybe it fell off its motor-pike" I replied.
Eye rolling commenced.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Apr 02 2017
I got my wife at the aquarium today
Her pointing to a Moray: "What's that"
Me: "That's amore"
She was cracking up
π︎ 3
π
︎ Dec 24 2016
Why did the aquarium only have porpoises?
Because the richpoises left.
π︎ 27
π
︎ Feb 06 2016
You know those happy aquarium fish...
π︎ 31
π
︎ Sep 24 2013
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.