A gold ore walked into the bar...
The bartender yelled “AU, get outta here”
What did the chemist say when he dropped a bar of gold on his foot?
"Thanks for the gold, kind stranger"
I said as I was taking away his dental implant.
Since the very beginning, man has been panning for gold and using it as trade.
Our ancestors called it the prime-ore-deal soup
My friend Ty came first in the Beijing marathon, but wasn’t awarded a gold medal.
The Chinese refuse to acknowledge Ty won.
What do you call a gold prospector in the Southern Hemisphere?
My uncle's friend won the Olympic gold with an epee made from a disposable thin metal sheet often used in cooking...
It was a good aluminum foil
Why panning the river in my brain, this lil' gold nugget came to me.
What do you call a Dinosaur that knows everything?
A herd-it-before!
Just found this store by chance called Ollie’s. Aside from all the great liquidation sales, the walls are a pun gold mine! I felt it be a crime not to post pictures of it on here.
reddit.com/gallery/iij3ts
What did the old man tell the monkey that dropped a bar of gold ?
What did the scary old woman say when she found a gold cauldron?
I am helping a gold-medal winning sprinter acheive the highest level of spiritual awareness.
...I feel like The Flash, because I too, am enlightening Bolt.
I told my pirate friend with a patch to watch for a letter I sent him that reveals the site of the gold...
He said, I'll keep an eye out for it.
Have you heard the joke about the gold metalic woven fabric?
Two gold fish are in a tank, One says to the other
"How do you drive this thing?"
Being made out of gold, in fact, this is not like the other grills
Why did the rapper get gold teeth?
He wanted to put his money where his mouth is
My brother won 5 million dollars on the lottery, then promptly spent it all on a solid gold, jewel-encrusted garbage can.
Bolt crosses the Finish line to win another gold medal [2016]
Did you hear about the two wealthiest gold mines that went on strike?
My boss came into the office and poured us all shots to celebrate the birth of his daughter. I asked why the liquor had little bits of gold floating around in it, and he explained it was Goldschläger
What did Silver say to Gold at the Periodic Table reunion?
Why is gold blowing through the wind?
(Old gold) if you’re Russian when you go into the bathroom and Finnish after you’re done. What are you while you’re in the bathroom?
The carat, a unit of mass for gemstones, and a measurement of purity for gold, takes its name from the Greek word for a carob seed from the Legume family.
No wonder they are called the Pirates of the Carob Bean.
When Gold was kicked out of the periodic table,
The other elements said, “Au revoir”
OF COURSE the gold medal swimmer from Hungary was the only person NOT to bite the medal.
I was so ready, too.
Ruined my evening.
Did you hear about the mushroom that won gold at the Olympics?
He was the champignon of his people.
Credit to my annoying boyfriend.
I just made a list of my all time favourite dad jokes. The first 4 are pretty good but the last one's absolute gold.
- pretty good
- pretty good
- pretty good
- pretty good
- absolute gold
Reddit Gold to whoever can make the best pun with my last name?!
My last name is "Guo"
Some puns include Guoaway or Guorgeous :)
I found a large collection of dad jokes and I copied the best ones. The first 10 are great but the last one is fucking gold.
-
great
-
great
-
great
-
great
-
great
-
great
-
great
-
great
-
great
-
great
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fucking gold
A man and his girlfriend plan their annual sex themed Olympics, and the man brags of his ability to win gold...
Dejected, his girlfriend says, "maybe you can take one for the team and try coming second for once."
Did you hear about the gold digger who married a rich art collector?
She was just in it for the Monet
Did you hear about the lawyer who only ate gold?
Before watching the Hobbit, I always wondered how Smaug got all his gold.
I had always assumed he had just won the LOTRry.
Introduced myself to the new bartender at work. Gave her solid gold, butt it went right over her head 😑
On mobile sorry if errors. Context: I work in a bar. We hired a new girl, she came in right before it got busy. After two hours worked working together..
Me: "Sorry I didn't get a chance to properly introduce myself. I'm Max by the way....but that's not my real last nMe"
Her:"Hi, I'm Gabbi, wait, what?"
Me:"nevermind"
The three wise men brought baby Jesus gold and frankincense.
But wait... there's myrrh!
In honour of Canada playing Russia in World Junior hockey this evening, I predict we will be putin on the gold medal.
What did the chemist say when he dropped a bar of gold on his foot?
My friend Ty came first in the Beijing marathon, but he wasn’t given the gold medal.
The Chinese authorities refuse to recognize Ty Won.
My friend Ty won the Beijing marathon, but wasn’t awarded a gold medal.
The Chinese refuse to acknowledge Ty won.
My friend Ty came in first in the Beijing marathon, but was not given the gold medal.
The Chinese refuse to recognize Ty won.
What did the chemist say when he dropped a bar of gold on his foot?
What did the chemist say when he dropped a gold ingot on his foot?
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