I rely on hotels so much,

I've actually become quite inn-dependent.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2021
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My grandpa said that we youngsters rely on technology too much.

I replied "no, you do" and unplugged his life support.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sexxc
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2020
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Jokes with crappy three-word punchlines that rely on irony aren't funny

or are they?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cheburik76
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
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What do you call a dinosaur who you can rely on for synonyms?

A thesaurus

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πŸ‘€︎ u/t3mperance-
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2020
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To get a girl, some guys use pick up lines. Others rely on the attraction of their car

So I figure a pick up truck should cover both bases

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πŸ‘€︎ u/td941
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2019
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Do you know what elves rely on during political campaigns?

Propagandalf

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Alpino14
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2019
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My Grandpa always tells me that my generation relies too much on technology...

So I said, β€œNo u!” And unplugged his life support

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CubingWithAlex
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2019
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Which subreddit relies the most on good submissions?

The BDSM subreddit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sanguine_reddit
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2017
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You cant rely on most circus professionals. Except for tightrope walkers...

...they always toe the line.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PaxPaw
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2017
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What does the fedora rely on to make ends meet?

Tips

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gormiti100
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2016
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What do you call a native Alaskan eye doctor??

An Optical Aleutian

I’ll see myself out...

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
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My wife and I have been having trouble communicating. We decided to take a walk when we passed a farm. She said "aww, honey look at the sheep." I relied...

No, ewe.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mpicc
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2019
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What does your little sibling and Q have in common?

They will always rely on U

(props to my middle school student for making this one up). We start with a top r/dadjokes every morning for advisory - I'm slowly convincing them that dad jokes are the best jokes

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chrono116
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2021
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Hi Red Squiggly Line, I'm Dad!

Child: Dad, can I rely on autocorrect?

Me: Definately

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CrazyJayBe
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2021
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How do you stop an Internet troll?

Seize their memes of production.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tactical_Wolf
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2016
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Some fish are so deaf,

They rely on Herring aids

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Escalade1414
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2020
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Someone pushed me off a dock today for singing poorly.

I guess I was off quay.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Godredd
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2019
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I heard that General Kellogg was going to be the new national security adviser.

I have to say, though: I'm disappointed they didn't go with General Mills.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/koenn
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2017
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Studies have shown that

the people who rely on statistics are wrong 76.5% of the time ...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/afarro
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2019
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If fedoras got paid a living wage...

they'd wouldn't have to rely on tips

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gormiti100
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2016
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I was making a sandwich the other day and put a slice if swiss cheese on it. My son asked, "Dad, pepperjack is you favorite, why are you using swiss cheese?"

I relied, "Cutting calories!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jonnnylong
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2019
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Jokes are a lot like American football.

If you haven't gotten anywhere with the first three tries, you'll need to rely on your punner.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/breakone9r
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2018
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Stairs, jinky fellas

Last night my dad fell down the stairs and broke his hip. Mom took him to the ER and I met them there. The nurse comes in to ask what happen and my dad explained he tripped going up the stairs. Nurse tries to joke that β€œstairs are jinky fellas always trying to trip people” to which I relied β€œyup, can’t trust β€˜um, they are always up to something”.

-mic drop

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gusthemouse
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2019
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[x-post /r/Jokes] [OC] An old blacksmith was working in his shop...

when there was a terrible accident. The fire in his forge had gone out of control and set fire to the shop. The blacksmith nearly lost his life. He was bedridden for many months and relied on the help of his children and grandchildren to feed him, bathe him, and take care of all of his needs. Eventually he was able to get back on his feet, though his outlook on life had turned quite grim. He was now able to take care of himself, but he had lost much of his strength and dexterity from the injuries he sustained and he was unable to practice his trade. He fell into a deep depression and he spent most of his days sitting at home in front of the fireplace gazing into the flames, longing for the days when his strong hands could grasp a hammer and strike a hot piece of iron, slowly forging it into a beautiful piece of work.

One evening when the old man was sitting in front of the fire, he heard a knock at the door. It was his granddaughter, whom he hadn't seen in many months. She had overheard her father talking to her mother about how her grandfather was slowly slipping away into depression and hopelessness and she wanted to help. To the old man's surprise, she had brought him a puppy. "I thought that since you're always here all by yourself that you might want someone you keep you company," the granddaughter said. The old man's eyes welled up with tears and the little puppy instantly jumped into his arms and began licking the tears from his face. The old man and his granddaughter spent the next several hours sitting on the floor of his house watching the puppy chase around a rubber ball, bouncing, jumping, panting, and licking. In that short time, the old man had made complete turnaround from being sad, lonely, and hopeless, to smiling from ear to ear, full of joy with his new-found companion. As the hours grew late and the puppy grew tired, the granddaughter said "Well Opa, I'm glad you like your puppy, but it's late and I should be heading home. By the way, what are you going to call him?" "Life," said the old man, "because he has given me a new meaning and joy to mine." The granddaughter kissed her grandfather on the cheek, wished him goodnight, and she left.

Many years passed and all the while, the old man and his little dog were inseparable. Everywhere the old man went, Life was always with him whether it was the post office, the grocery store, and even when the old man went to the barber shop, the little dog would sit patiently until the last hair on

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MyOtherAccount_3
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2016
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[Meta] Dadjokes aren't just puns.

As a big proponent of the dadjoke I want to argue that a dadjoke is not just a pun. I see lots of material submitted here that might be better suited for /r/punny.

Speaking as a dad, for me a classic dad joke is highly dependent on the context.

I can't whip out old standbys at any moment and call them proper dadjokes. If I'm driving my kid to school I can't just ask him "Hey, do you know why the kids couldn't see the pirate movie? It was rated aaarrrgh!". That's just a bad joke.

OTOH, if my kid says "are" kinda funny (which he has before), and I make a joke about him being the youngest pirate I know (I may or may not have done this before), then that's a dadjoke. A shitty one, but still a dadjoke. The best context ones are where a situation presents itself and the dad takes the opportunity to make the lame joke (as in a post from awhile back where the OP overheard three or four dads make almost the exact same joke at an aquarium).

Straight up puns should go to /r/punny. Context specific jokes which rely on vagaries of the language or the funny situation, should stay here.

Just my two cents worth.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/smileyman
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2016
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A proton walks into a hotel...

A proton walks into a hotel and the bellhop asked if he had any luggage. The proton relied, β€œNo, I’m traveling light. β€œ

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jonathanbeaumont0
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2018
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A little morbid, but he's my dad.

I came home college to find a life insurance policy with my name on it. I asked my dad why it was for so little, and he relied with, "that's just to cover the booze for the celebration party."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dreamerkid001
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2013
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Why is a baseball team similar to a muffin?

They both rely on the batter

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JDogg_of_RS
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2016
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My dad got me.

Context: my dad had been relying on a cane after injuring his back, and it had been making his arm tired.

Dad: You know, my arm still isn't right?

Me: Oh?

Dad: Because it's left! But seriously, it still hurts...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/enigmaticmagpie
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2014
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Egyptian Goddess

My dad and I were watching a quiz show earlier today, and there was a question about the Ancient Egyptian cat-headed 'goddess of protection.'

I asked him if that's what they relied upon before contraception. He replied, 'Yes, prophylactcats.'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MullGeek
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2015
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My buddy's dad pulled this one at some retail store the other day

The cashier asked him if he wanted to be a member there and he said Yes so the cashier proceeded to ask "okay what's your street name?" He relied "tall white boy from the hood"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Qazdthm
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2015
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