What does the pope use to send his blessings?

Pray-pal

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hvr1
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2020
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I just saw a priest blessing an avocado...

Holy guacamole.

πŸ‘︎ 61
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2020
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Understanding Quantum Mechanics is both a blessing and a curse.
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DisRuptive1
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2018
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What do you call a book that defines blessings

A benedictionary

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πŸ‘€︎ u/harshil0217
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2019
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As a dyslexic, having autocorrect is both a blessing and a cruise.
πŸ‘︎ 148
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DoctorSpurlock
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2014
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Did you know all swiss cheese is blessed by priests?

That's why its holey.

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TuvoksDoRag
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2021
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I was given a bag of peanuts that had been blessed by the Pope.

I gave them away...I hate religious nuts.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2021
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I tried to bless the rains down in Africa...

It was a Toto failure. πŸ€¦πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bradb717
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
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God bless my Dad

Instead of the typical "last year" jokes after midnight, he completely confused my mom by talking about "last month."

"We brought those over last month."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ech0_matrix
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
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I had my pastor bless a bottle of mercury for me.

I love my Christian Heavy Metal.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GerbilSpanker
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
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What do you call a blessed blanket?

Holy sheet

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
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What's made of leather and sounds like a sneeze?

A shoe..

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GoldenBalls7
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
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Cheesus Crust Tshirt - Funny Jesus/Pizza Pun reddit.com/gallery/lun83c
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JIGSAW2323
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2021
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Its that time of the year. Blessed
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Savings_Cattle
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2020
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You guys ever notice how there's no vampires in Africa?

Well, from what I know about Vampires, Holy Water can kill them, and from what I've heard they bless the rains down in Africa.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rob_Omega21
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2021
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Forbidden
πŸ‘︎ 694
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hustle_like_demon
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
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Blessed stand
πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kyu303
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2020
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What does the Pope say when he wants to bless a pack of cigarettes?

Holy smokes!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Musicguy1982
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2020
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I wish him well
πŸ‘︎ 816
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SlothsRevenge622
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2020
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blessed_tooth
πŸ‘︎ 208
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShadowDabber
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
🚨︎ report
The owner of the tuxedo store kept hovering over me when I was browsing, so I asked him to leave me alone.

He said, β€œFine. Suit yourself.”

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2020
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My wife was a little puzzled when I suddenly bought some new beads for her abacus. Smiling, I said to her...

"Honey, it’s the little things that count!"

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
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Bless you
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/udipadhikari
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2019
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Did you know that Africa has had no vampires since 1982?

That's the year that Toto blessed the rains there.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
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Knock knock

Who's there? Atch. Atch who? Bless you.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RoboGideon
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2021
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God blessed my beans and meat

It's spirit-chilli ready to eat

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2020
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Papa shit blesses you
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ash019260
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2019
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blessed_tooth
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShadowDabber
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
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I'm a lactose intolerant and this doesn't explain why I see hell after eating cheese
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rengar_Downey_Jr
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
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Bless this game
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheTrueMadgenta
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
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blessed_buttons
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ItzYaBoi25
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2019
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What pokemon shoots holy water?

Blesstoise.

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
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Ha ha ha
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nuttunut
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2020
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Did you hear about the pope that wanted to be a ninja?

He was a blessing in disguise

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NoMoreTerritory
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
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Cheesus Christ
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πŸ‘€︎ u/harsoul05
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2020
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I blessed the drains down in Africa
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iandouglas
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2019
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God bless Ameruca
πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/XGN_Carter1
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2019
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Bless my soul!
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/coadnamedalex
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2019
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Bless you
πŸ‘︎ 62
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πŸ‘€︎ u/live4lifelegit
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2018
🚨︎ report
Me: Just crossed into Oklahoma. Be there soon.

My Dad: I would say OK! but...

(An actual text from my Dad bless him)

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a nun with a face veil, on a plane.

A blessing in the skys (disguise)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sikarknight
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
🚨︎ report
What is the most blessed seafood?

Holy mackerel!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/89iroc
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Don’t scroll without saying shalom
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Axiom_117
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2019
🚨︎ report
I was wondering why there are so many stories about vampires in Europe, but not in Africa

and then I realized vampires are killed by holy water...they blessed the rains down in Africa

πŸ‘︎ 81
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πŸ‘€︎ u/John_Doez_
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I hear in Africa they tried an experiment where they blessed the rains

It was a Toto failure.

πŸ‘︎ 513
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GotMyOrangeCrush
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2020
🚨︎ report
What is made of leather, a foot long and sounds like a sneeze?

A shoe.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HydrosFear
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Knock knock. Who's there?

Hatch.

Hatch who?

Bless you.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FredererPower
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
If a priest blesses an avocado

Would it be a holy guacamole?

πŸ‘︎ 52
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Inoune
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2019
🚨︎ report

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