My dad, sister and I were driving in the car when she pointed out a construction site.
Her: "They're putting in a Duck Donuts over there." Me: "Oh. I heard they're not going to take credit cards." H: "What? Why not?" M: "I don't know, but they'll only take bills."
Took her a few seconds to get it. Dad just looked at me and nodded.
Was waiting in line at the consession stands to buy popcorn and a drink.
Me, "What do you want son?"
Son, "Can I get a large popcorn and an raspberry Icee?"
Me in a very contemplative tone, "You want an Icee, hmm, I see"
Got home and walked into the kitchen, something smelt really good. Walked over to the slow cooker and see food in there. Go and find my dad and ask "is it alright if I have some of the food from the slow cooker?" He replies "yes" and on my way out the room he shouts "its chilli by the way!" I walk back into the room with a smug grin and ask "oh, so should I warm it up?" After a second, he clicks and I get the satisfying nod.
Sister: "Do you like Mushrooms, Alex?"
Me: "I can't say that there is Mushroom in my heart for them."
When my Sister retold this to my Dad, he let out a laugh and said he was proud of me!
But I won’t letter!
Because what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.
And sometimes Mayo Neighs
Shit..l meant to post this somewhere else.
If approved by the FDA, it will greatly enhance heard immunity.
Tanks for that.
Hope I don't get banned but I approved the joke with my friends.
One is a heated yam, and the other is a yeeted ham.
They weren't up to scratch.
But they’re a solid number 2!
It’s a little meteor.
(Not a dad. But I told this to my dad and he approved)
When a semi-aquatic mammal in Antarctica likes what you're doing...you have the seal of approval
With a pumpkin patch! 🎃
It wasn't a-fish-shell
It's about Thyme.
When they ask, "So, what do you do for a living?" I just say, "Oh, you know... stuff."
I've seen too many of them get elected.
Because they don't have pockets.
I asked her to run away with me and get married, but without legs she canteloupe
The steaks have never been higher...
now that she's de-calf-einated.
I looked at it and thought, “This isn’t for me.”
I said "aren't there?"