I was backing out of the parking lot earlier when I backed into a car! The driver was only 3 feet tall....!
He got out of the car and started waving his hands above his head! He kept yelling "I'm not Happy, I'm not Happy!"
So, I got out and yelled back, "Well, which one are you!?"
My therapist refused to help me with my fear of backing up my car
She said she would under no circumstances perform reverse psychology
I accidentally sat upon a solo album by the lead guitarist, keyboardist and backing vocalist of the band U2 but quickly jumped up, scared that I broke it.
For a second, I was on Edge.
I am backing the doctor on this idea.
Can you guys give me really good back puns?
My one year anniversary since i had back surgery is coming up and i cant think of any really good back jokes, if you guys could get the back surgery jokes straightened out that would be great!
I broke my back in a car accident and I'm looking for a pun for my grad cap
So yeah I got into a car accident during college and I wanted to commemorate that on my grad cap. My mom won't let me put my mri, "you should put something positive on your cap, not something negative" so yeah a back pun is the next best thing I could think of putting on there.
Got drunk yesterday and puked in the elevator on my way back home.
It was disgusting on so many levels.
You do know that modern appliances are really spying on us, and sending back data on our habits. In fact..
Vacuum cleaners have been gathering dirt on us for years.
Sibling humor, the backs of two ocean-themed quilts for my baby bro's new son and daughter.
I can't believe I just dated a german nationalist! But I guess it's obvious, looking back on it
I mean, there were red flags all over the place
Why do bouncers throw violent drunks out the back door?
Because they belong behind bars.
So we all know that you find H2O inside a fire hydrant, but what do you find on the outside of a fire hydrant?
Plant Got Back - Sir Mix-a-lot
Aquaman backed into my car multiple times yesterday
My school bully told me I’m bad at come-backs. So I told them that
that- uhhh... that they- they’re- uhhh- stup- I mean- uhm...
Initially I didn’t believe that my chiropractor was any good.
But now I stand corrected.
A man turns up to a fancy dress party with no costume apart from a naked woman on his back.
He tells the host he has come dressed as a snail.
"But who's the woman?" The host asks, confused.
"Oh, This is Michelle"
This was my 6 year old cousins favourite joke for a while and it still cracks me up especially given the concerned looks the adults share when the joke starts
I offered to carpool with the security guy this week but I totally forgot to pick him up this morning. When he got to work later her was furious and punched me in the back of the head.
It’s my own fault, I’ll never let my guard down again.
Was in a bar when this guy said to me, “I’m going to attack you with the neck of a guitar!” I shot back...
Back in 2005, my father used to roll me down hills in an old car tyre...
The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve.
It was an Apple with limited memory; just one byte. Then, everything crashed.
My wife has the most weird abacus tattoo on her back.
But I can always count on her
My son has recently taken up an interest in music. We're constantly going back and forth trying to stump the other with trivia. He thought he had me when he chorused, "Hey, dad, what genre are national anthems?!" I laughed, "That's easy!"
I decided to add a water fixture to my back yard...
After getting back from the beach, my daughter said, “Hey, look! I’m tan from the sun!”
I shook her hand. “It’s very nice to meet you! I’m Dad from Earth.”
Just got back from a wedding, it was so emotional.
Even the cake was in tiers.
Our doorbell rang and my son called to me, "Dad, there's a salesman here with a mustache!" I yelled back...
"Tell him I've already got one!"
I got the word “Ouch” tattooed on the back of my foot yesterday. My dad asked me if it still hurts.
I told him yes, but it’ll heel.
I was interrogating a crab the other day and I asked it “What’s your name? Where do you live? What’s that on your back?”
I bought an onion. Cutting it burned my eyes so badly I went back to the store to complain.
My granny had a map of Britain tattooed across her back.
People said she was weird, but you always knew where you stood with her.
My wife's coming back from holiday tomorrow....
Does anyone know how to delete the memory from my memory foam mattress?
Did you hear about the butcher that backed into the meat grinder?
He got a little behind in his work.
What did the owl say when her son talked back to her
Why do squirrels swim on their backs?
We have an awesome tire swing at our home and my two year old started to push it, with no one on it, and I noticed he was pushing it harder and harder and I got worried it would come back and hit him
He was playing with tire.
Chinese rocket remanats are going to fall back to earth this weekend
Not sure if OP was going for a pun
I read that in medieval times, if you lost your castle to invaders during a siege, it was incredibly unlikely that you’d get the well-fortified tower area back.
Guys back then were playing for keeps.
Bill Gates meets Arnold Schwarzenneger at a party and asks him if he's upgraded to Windows 10 yet? Big Arnie replies.......
"Ah still love Vista Baby....."
My wife laughed, "The lottery is a tax on fools who can't do math!" I shrugged and said, "You never know! Anybody can win the lottery." Folding her arms, she asked, "Do you even know the chances of a person winning the lottery?" I shot back, "Yes!! 100%!!"
What do you call a Boomerang that doesn’t come back.
Why did the lumberjack get back with his divorced wife?
Because he can't live without his ex
What do you call an old, grumpy Avatar that comes back and ruins the economy every time you send him away?
I tried to make a coronavirus joke a while back.
No body laughed at that time, but eventually everyone got it.
I hadn’t used my main in around a year but had a reason to burro back in my post history... I had forgotten about this, and I don’t mean to brag but this is the single greatest post I’ve ever made on reddit.
I got the word “Ouch” tattooed on the back of my foot yesterday. My son asked me if it still hurts.
I told him yes, but it’ll heel.
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