why was the mushroom worker so fun to be around? because he was a fungi
My dad, sister and I were driving in the car when she pointed out a construction site.
Her: "They're putting in a Duck Donuts over there." Me: "Oh. I heard they're not going to take credit cards." H: "What? Why not?" M: "I don't know, but they'll only take bills."
Took her a few seconds to get it. Dad just looked at me and nodded.
Was waiting in line at the consession stands to buy popcorn and a drink.
Me, "What do you want son?"
Son, "Can I get a large popcorn and an raspberry Icee?"
Me in a very contemplative tone, "You want an Icee, hmm, I see"
Got home and walked into the kitchen, something smelt really good. Walked over to the slow cooker and see food in there. Go and find my dad and ask "is it alright if I have some of the food from the slow cooker?" He replies "yes" and on my way out the room he shouts "its chilli by the way!" I walk back into the room with a smug grin and ask "oh, so should I warm it up?" After a second, he clicks and I get the satisfying nod.
Sister: "Do you like Mushrooms, Alex?"
Me: "I can't say that there is Mushroom in my heart for them."
When my Sister retold this to my Dad, he let out a laugh and said he was proud of me!
Shit..l meant to post this somewhere else.
Tanks for that.
A babooooom!
But they’re a solid number 2!
With a pumpkin patch! 🎃
They weren't up to scratch.
bronco-die-laters
The steaks have never been higher...
I said "aren't there?"
now that she's de-calf-einated.
Because they don't have pockets.
Because.....
It wasn't a-fish-shell
It's about Thyme.
It was so naanchalant.
When they ask, "So, what do you do for a living?" I just say, "Oh, you know... stuff."
St Peter says to the nuns "Given you are nuns and have devoted your life to good works you only need to answer a single question each to enter Heaven."
He looks to the first nun and asks "where did the first woman live?"
The first nun quickly replied "the garden of Eden".
St Peter nods approval and looks to the second nun "what was the name of the first woman?"
The second nun pauses for a second and then replies "Eve."
"Well done!" Says St Peter before turning to the third nun and saying "As the Mother Superior you should be able to answer this; what did Eve say to Adam when she first saw him?"
The Mother Superior furrows her brow and says "oh, that's a hard one".
"Correct!" Says St Peter. "You may enter."
Which is strange because I'd never seen herbivore
I've seen too many of them get elected.
I looked at it and thought, “This isn’t for me.”
I told him beggars can’t be Hoosiers.
I asked her to run away with me and get married, but without legs she canteloupe
Son: Dad why is the statistics in decimal?
Dad: Cause they've got a point.
Christian Bail
..Told him that my old one just wasnting cutting it.
(Neighbor approved)
It’s an extremely rare dish order.
[removed]
Now British women are finally free to move diagonally.
