Michael Scott approved
πŸ‘︎ 156
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πŸ‘€︎ u/meow__meg
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2021
🚨︎ report
What did the Commanding General of the United States Army say after having his budget approved?

Tanks for that.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
🚨︎ report
After a year of waiting, my publisher finally approved my book on gardening

It's about Thyme.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/flashblazer
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2020
🚨︎ report
The Church of England has finally approved of female bishops.

Now British women are finally free to move diagonally.

πŸ‘︎ 144
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2018
🚨︎ report
The FBI has been hunting me down for sharing their master passkey. It rhymes with approved and it’s spelled

[removed]

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GPyleFan11
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2019
🚨︎ report
The British parliament finally approved the final draft of the Brexit letter to the European Union.

It’s not EU, it’s me.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Mom approved

I came home for a weekend and my mother was catching me up on some current events in the family.

Her: Oh yeah, your cousin has enlisted in the Navy and he's going to training pretty soon.

Me: Wow, how does the family feel about that?

Her: What do you mean?

Me: Well, are they... pause... All aboard with the idea?

both can't contain laughter

Everyone in my family is witty and we all love dad jokes so we always have a good time around the dinner table.

πŸ‘︎ 863
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tatswithgats
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2014
🚨︎ report
What's a Muslim approved joke?

Halol

πŸ‘︎ 90
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Redstoneage
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2016
🚨︎ report
Dadjoked my Girlfriend and Brother Back to Back. My Dad Approved.

So I'm out to dinner with my girlfriend and my family. We're waiting by the outdoor bar with a pager for when our table is ready. After a while of waiting, the following happens:

Girlfriend: Who has the... thingy?" (referring to the pager).

Me: "I have a thingy!"

Brother: Chuckles "No, the thingy... The one that vibrates."

Me: "Wait, yours vibrates?!"

My dad and I started laughing pretty hard at this point.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/boothroyd917
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2014
🚨︎ report
Mum tutted, I approved.

Mum: Can you make up the bed please?

Dad: With lipstick?

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Loveandrobotwars
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2014
🚨︎ report
My boss just told me that I’m the worst mailman he has ever seen.

Shit..l meant to post this somewhere else.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Beware!
πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s the difference between a baked sweet potato and a forcefully flying pig?

One is a heated yam, and the other is a yeeted ham.

πŸ‘︎ 131
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Columbus_Explorer
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
🚨︎ report
pun police approves
πŸ‘︎ 138
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zaq-frost
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2020
🚨︎ report
This post, officer.
πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/UnsteadyKoala
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a monkey in a mine field?

A babooooom!

πŸ‘︎ 172
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lolyfe-dc
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Eeyore would not approve
πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lams1d
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Why does a space rock taste nicer than an earth rock?

It’s a little meteor.

(Not a dad. But I told this to my dad and he approved)

πŸ‘︎ 107
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ValkyrieAssassin1
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2021
🚨︎ report
Seal of approval
πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/prlmn
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Joe Biden approves
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jacob_Young6138
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Poop jokes aren’t my favorite kind of jokes...

But they’re a solid number 2!

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/daddysbrat18
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Right of passage!
πŸ‘︎ 470
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gazHC
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
🚨︎ report
What an achievement

When a semi-aquatic mammal in Antarctica likes what you're doing...you have the seal of approval

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/frudedude
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2021
🚨︎ report
How do you fix a broken pumpkin?

With a pumpkin patch! πŸŽƒ

πŸ‘︎ 181
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shadynasty94
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Our cat didn't approve of my pats...

They weren't up to scratch.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/psychswot
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Working on a cannabis based beef marinade.

The steaks have never been higher...

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bradb717
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Why wouldn't the fish inspector approve the clam's new shell?

Because.....

It wasn't a-fish-shell

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/voidtype
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I have a horse that's really asthmatic and I'm scared it may not make it. The vet prescribed some

bronco-die-laters

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Letthembeefcake
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I hate telling people I'm a taxidermist.

When they ask, "So, what do you do for a living?" I just say, "Oh, you know... stuff."

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bellazelle
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend to said to me "there's no situation where a contraction makes sense but its split from doesnt"

I said "aren't there?"

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Short_Artist_Girl
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I sea what you did there
πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lekh27
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Our cow just gave birth and she's been sleeping better...

now that she's de-calf-einated.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jpep0469
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Seal of approval
πŸ‘︎ 55
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mliepins11
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2019
🚨︎ report
I don't approve political jokes..

I've seen too many of them get elected.

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wolfy189
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2020
🚨︎ report
My parents don't approve of my girlfriend because she's a melon.

I asked her to run away with me and get married, but without legs she canteloupe

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Halmagha
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I quit my job as a postman when they handed me my first letter to deliver.

I looked at it and thought, β€œThis isn’t for me.”

πŸ‘︎ 327
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2020
🚨︎ report
A Vegetarian Claimed to be my Girlfriend

Which is strange because I'd never seen herbivore

πŸ‘︎ 100
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tryze
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
🚨︎ report
0.09 out of 0.1 Dentists Approve

Son: Dad why is the statistics in decimal?

Dad: Cause they've got a point.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SlayCC
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2020
🚨︎ report
My son was rejected from Indiana University. Feeling persistent, he asked me if he should call one of the advisors and plead for admission.

I told him beggars can’t be Hoosiers.

πŸ‘︎ 286
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zedhead0628
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do seals carry fish in their mouth?

Because they don't have pockets.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/D3V1L420
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
🚨︎ report
I got his seal of approval. v.redd.it/ps7izkqtaq931
πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Invalleria
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2019
🚨︎ report
The Beach Boys approve
πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/McLovinMyBacon
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when Batman skips church?

Christian Bail

πŸ‘︎ 94
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Oakenshield-
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2020
🚨︎ report
So, 3 nuns die in a car crash and end up before the gates of St Peter....

St Peter says to the nuns "Given you are nuns and have devoted your life to good works you only need to answer a single question each to enter Heaven."

He looks to the first nun and asks "where did the first woman live?"

The first nun quickly replied "the garden of Eden".

St Peter nods approval and looks to the second nun "what was the name of the first woman?"

The second nun pauses for a second and then replies "Eve."

"Well done!" Says St Peter before turning to the third nun and saying "As the Mother Superior you should be able to answer this; what did Eve say to Adam when she first saw him?"

The Mother Superior furrows her brow and says "oh, that's a hard one".

"Correct!" Says St Peter. "You may enter."

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/atheistmil
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Seal of approval
πŸ‘︎ 53
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/spikspark86
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2018
🚨︎ report
Michael Scott would approve
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mason_ja
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2019
🚨︎ report
My neighbor asked why i bought a new lawn mower...

..Told him that my old one just wasnting cutting it.

(Neighbor approved)

πŸ‘︎ 172
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DoctorVinderman
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
🚨︎ report
This gets the Seal of Approval.
πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2018
🚨︎ report
The cutest approval.
πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sonujohny
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2018
🚨︎ report
My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought.

It’s an extremely rare dish order.

πŸ‘︎ 290
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I may not be a dad for a while, but I’m getting some good practice in.
πŸ‘︎ 240
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BigPappy09
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2019
🚨︎ report

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