Tanks for that.
It's about Thyme.
Now British women are finally free to move diagonally.
[removed]
It’s not EU, it’s me.
I came home for a weekend and my mother was catching me up on some current events in the family.
Her: Oh yeah, your cousin has enlisted in the Navy and he's going to training pretty soon.
Me: Wow, how does the family feel about that?
Her: What do you mean?
Me: Well, are they... pause... All aboard with the idea?
both can't contain laughter
Everyone in my family is witty and we all love dad jokes so we always have a good time around the dinner table.
So I'm out to dinner with my girlfriend and my family. We're waiting by the outdoor bar with a pager for when our table is ready. After a while of waiting, the following happens:
Girlfriend: Who has the... thingy?" (referring to the pager).
Me: "I have a thingy!"
Brother: Chuckles "No, the thingy... The one that vibrates."
Me: "Wait, yours vibrates?!"
My dad and I started laughing pretty hard at this point.
Mum: Can you make up the bed please?
Dad: With lipstick?
Shit..l meant to post this somewhere else.
One is a heated yam, and the other is a yeeted ham.
A babooooom!
It’s a little meteor.
(Not a dad. But I told this to my dad and he approved)
But they’re a solid number 2!
When a semi-aquatic mammal in Antarctica likes what you're doing...you have the seal of approval
With a pumpkin patch! 🎃
They weren't up to scratch.
The steaks have never been higher...
Because.....
It wasn't a-fish-shell
bronco-die-laters
When they ask, "So, what do you do for a living?" I just say, "Oh, you know... stuff."
I said "aren't there?"
now that she's de-calf-einated.
I've seen too many of them get elected.
I asked her to run away with me and get married, but without legs she canteloupe
I looked at it and thought, “This isn’t for me.”
Which is strange because I'd never seen herbivore
Son: Dad why is the statistics in decimal?
Dad: Cause they've got a point.
I told him beggars can’t be Hoosiers.
Because they don't have pockets.
Christian Bail
St Peter says to the nuns "Given you are nuns and have devoted your life to good works you only need to answer a single question each to enter Heaven."
He looks to the first nun and asks "where did the first woman live?"
The first nun quickly replied "the garden of Eden".
St Peter nods approval and looks to the second nun "what was the name of the first woman?"
The second nun pauses for a second and then replies "Eve."
"Well done!" Says St Peter before turning to the third nun and saying "As the Mother Superior you should be able to answer this; what did Eve say to Adam when she first saw him?"
The Mother Superior furrows her brow and says "oh, that's a hard one".
"Correct!" Says St Peter. "You may enter."
..Told him that my old one just wasnting cutting it.
(Neighbor approved)
It’s an extremely rare dish order.
