Was so proud of my boys. I just asked them what we should call the can opener that just broke. I’m an instant they said, “A can’t opener?” They will be good dads someday!
A pic for anyone who wants to see it:
https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/lum6ev/so_if_this_is_broken_would_it_now_be_a_cant_opener/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
I just finished Grosse Pointe Blank and now I’m putting on Good Will Hunting.
Say what you will about anti-vaxxers, flat earthers and young earth Creationists, at least they all have a good conscience...
...especially as they constantly come out with tons of con-science.
A good sense of direction will get you places
But will I get a good return?
Pun war! The topic is food. If you have a pun comment it. I hope this will turnip good.
I can’t bake a good pun that will crack you up, they’re all just scrambled in my head
What do you call a banana that's underripe today, but will be good to eat tomorrow?
From the 2020 SAT, geometry section: A farmer is welding parts in his barn. He wants to cut four bars of equal length from two lengths of iron rebar measuring 16 feet, 8 inches and 5 feet, 10 inches. How much material will be discarded? Bonus: where will the rebar, once welded, go for a good time?
I don't think I will be good friend with stars,they've got no life!
My daughter wants the new iPhone for her birthday. I told her she can have one if she gets good grades, does her chores and follows the house rules. Otherwise she will get a cheaper phone because
It's my way, or the Huawei
As a plumber, I often have nightmares about the dripping faucet I can't fix and the toilet that will not flush (good horror movie titles, btw)...
It's plumb crazy, but I have pipe dreams!
My wife said making a quilt together will bring us good luck
I said it's gonna take some super stitchin'.
If the female lead of Good Will Hunting hired a little person to chauffeur her in an iconic British car
He’d be Minnie Driver’s mini Mini Driver.
The food in Budapest is so good you will never leave Hungary
My dad's amazing driving advice to my sister: "I can replace any mailbox you hit. If you collide with a cop car, I've got a good attorney. If you run over a nun, God will forgive you. But if you hit my truck, you better leave the f***ing country."
My daughter will be a good dad someday
Stopped at the grocery store last night. My teen daughter always picks out the apples (so we know we get ones she likes). When she grabbed one from the middle of the bin, a few on the top rolled to the bottom. She briefly panicked, then turned to me and says "whew! I almost caused an apple-anche!"
Anyone have a feeling today will be a good day?
Here’s a good joke that will make you laugh
My wife will make a good dad!
We were driving around tonight and we went past a hospital for pets.
Wife: "I bet they help cats feel better there! They will be 'Feline better' after they leave"
Me: "I'm so glad that I married you"
The French government have announced they will no longer be exporting any goods produced in the South-East region of the country
This is why we can't have Nice things
I'm not a dad yet, but I think I will make a good one.
I definitely will make a good dad...
Sneeze once.
Gazuntite!
Sneeze again...
Gazuntwice!
My friend will be a good dad
Friend - "Hey are the ribs cooking yet?"
Me - "They're smoking right now"
Friend - "Have you talked to them about the long term health concerns?"
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