Was so proud of my boys. I just asked them what we should call the can opener that just broke. I’m an instant they said, β€œA can’t opener?” They will be good dads someday!

A pic for anyone who wants to see it:

https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/lum6ev/so_if_this_is_broken_would_it_now_be_a_cant_opener/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kileni
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2021
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I just finished Grosse Pointe Blank and now I’m putting on Good Will Hunting.

It’s a Minnie marathon.

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
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Say what you will about anti-vaxxers, flat earthers and young earth Creationists, at least they all have a good conscience...

...especially as they constantly come out with tons of con-science.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bbew_Mot
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
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A good sense of direction will get you places
πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mediocre_Fanart
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
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But will I get a good return?
πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/orlanthi
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2020
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Pun war! The topic is food. If you have a pun comment it. I hope this will turnip good.
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_Potato12
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2019
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I can’t bake a good pun that will crack you up, they’re all just scrambled in my head

i’m such a egg head

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ashgallade
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2020
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What do you call a banana that's underripe today, but will be good to eat tomorrow?

A baΓ±ana.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/super__stealth
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2019
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From the 2020 SAT, geometry section: A farmer is welding parts in his barn. He wants to cut four bars of equal length from two lengths of iron rebar measuring 16 feet, 8 inches and 5 feet, 10 inches. How much material will be discarded? Bonus: where will the rebar, once welded, go for a good time?

A square dance

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dadacolt45
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2019
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I don't think I will be good friend with stars,they've got no life!
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MorgetGaming
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2019
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My daughter wants the new iPhone for her birthday. I told her she can have one if she gets good grades, does her chores and follows the house rules. Otherwise she will get a cheaper phone because

It's my way, or the Huawei

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pmak13
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2019
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As a plumber, I often have nightmares about the dripping faucet I can't fix and the toilet that will not flush (good horror movie titles, btw)...

It's plumb crazy, but I have pipe dreams!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2019
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My wife said making a quilt together will bring us good luck

I said it's gonna take some super stitchin'.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thegodawfultruth
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2019
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If the female lead of Good Will Hunting hired a little person to chauffeur her in an iconic British car

He’d be Minnie Driver’s mini Mini Driver.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jayrandomer
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2018
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The food in Budapest is so good you will never leave Hungary
πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KipKersey
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2018
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My dad's amazing driving advice to my sister: "I can replace any mailbox you hit. If you collide with a cop car, I've got a good attorney. If you run over a nun, God will forgive you. But if you hit my truck, you better leave the f***ing country."
πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iwillhavethat
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2018
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My daughter will be a good dad someday

Stopped at the grocery store last night. My teen daughter always picks out the apples (so we know we get ones she likes). When she grabbed one from the middle of the bin, a few on the top rolled to the bottom. She briefly panicked, then turned to me and says "whew! I almost caused an apple-anche!"

πŸ‘︎ 560
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GaryGeneric
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2014
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Anyone have a feeling today will be a good day?
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/angell54
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2018
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Here’s a good joke that will make you laugh

This subreddit

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WistedTwizard
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2018
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My wife will make a good dad!

We were driving around tonight and we went past a hospital for pets.

Wife: "I bet they help cats feel better there! They will be 'Feline better' after they leave"

Me: "I'm so glad that I married you"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kekesupreme
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2016
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The French government have announced they will no longer be exporting any goods produced in the South-East region of the country

This is why we can't have Nice things

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ervin_Pepper
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2015
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I'm not a dad yet, but I think I will make a good one.
πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ComeAtMeFro
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2013
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I definitely will make a good dad...

Sneeze once. Gazuntite! Sneeze again... Gazuntwice!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/soccerstud2121
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2015
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My friend will be a good dad

Friend - "Hey are the ribs cooking yet?" Me - "They're smoking right now" Friend - "Have you talked to them about the long term health concerns?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/clouderold
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2014
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