We're just trying to Forster some goodwill.
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👤︎ u/orlanthi
📅︎ Jun 22 2020
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Why don't they have as many used organs at Goodwill as used baby grand pianos?

It's hard to find organ donors.

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👤︎ u/JasonInNJ
📅︎ Jan 27 2020
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aPEARantly everyone else at goodwill was sleeping on this sweet ass deal.
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📅︎ May 27 2019
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I donated all my lamps to goodwill recently

I feel positively delighted.

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📅︎ Aug 30 2019
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My friend works at Goodwill and every day he writes on their white board. This is what he did the other day.
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👤︎ u/kappaman69
📅︎ Oct 07 2018
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Searching for a thrift store = Goodwill hunting.
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👤︎ u/Mistsmith
📅︎ Aug 02 2017
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I saw a lead statue of Oedipus at Goodwill once.

That was one dense motherfucker.

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📅︎ Jun 13 2014
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I made a donation to the local Goodwill in Portland, Oregon. I guess you can call me an Oregon donor.
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📅︎ Jun 24 2014
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Looking through old records at Goodwill...

...and I come across this Herb Alpert album. My dad looks over my shoulder and says, "Ah, Herb Alpert. The man who refers to his penis as a 'strumpet trumpet'."

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📅︎ Jul 16 2014
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I made a documentary film about people who look for deals at thrift stores.

It's called Goodwill Hunting.

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👤︎ u/Joesdad65
📅︎ Dec 18 2020
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Unintentional dad joke..

I'd been doing yard and shed work on a hot day and bought some boardshorts/trunks from an op shop (goodwill) on my way home. Joked around with the older ladies at the register. They said I should try them on and give them a parade... As I was walking away I said "... nah, I'm too hot and dirty..."

As the words were still coming out of my mouth I realized what I'd done. I left in a confused haze of embarrassment and achievement. For a brief moment I touched the state of effortless dad joke.

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📅︎ Feb 11 2020
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Pearl Harbor of puns

If your onion sang hip-hop, would that be a rapscallion?

I used to be an astronaut, but I got tired of eating out of satellite dishes. I wasn't allowed to eat the Milky Way, even though I had to look at it every day. The worst thing was, I never got to visit The Space Bar. Then, when I was visiting the dark side of the moon, I was bitten by a parasite. Now, you might think it's crazy, but the doctor who removed it called it a lunar-tick.

If "womb" is pronounced "woom" and "tomb" is pronounced "toom", shouldn't "bomb" be pronounced "boom"?

China recently tested a new steroid. It basically turns you into The Hulk. The side effect is it could turn you into a crazed zombie that tends to rip the upper extremities from people. People are saying that this could be the zombie apocalypse. In my opinion, lips have nothing to do with it. I call it ARMageddon. The only way to stay safe now is to not let anyone close enough to disarm you.

I recently was going to join the railroad union. I decided against it because it's complicated. If I received instruction on driving the locomotive, would they call it engineering, or training?

I got a sad story about a flower. I don't know who the heck she pissed off, but damn, now she's a Black-Eyed Susan.

I finally figured out what makes leaves angry. Fall. They get so mad they change color. Some are yellow. They're just afraid and run from their problems. The other ones usually just leave.

I went parachuting with my military buddies once. We landed on a department store. I told him I think we're at the wrong coordinates. He said: "Nope. We're right on Target"

I asked a psychologist if Native Americans have strong emotions. He said "Oh yeah, they're intense".

If a psychotic person thought something made sense, would that thought be psychological?

If Matt Damon were searching for a secondhand store, would he be Goodwill Hunting?

My friend is a Marksman for the military. One day, he went to the armory and asked for 3 snipers. They gave him a candy bar. It was a 3 Musketeers.

I want to be there if Dwayne Johnson ever uses a pizza stone. That way I can smell what "The Rock" is cookin'.

Christopher bought a lemon, and the car broke down. Now Christopher Walken.

Have you heard about the latest bank battle on Wall Street? Capital One and Chase got in a fight and Capital One.

You know what a pirate says to his wenches when he sees the shoreline? "LAND HO!"

A man finds a lamp in the desert and dusts it off. Poof! A genie p

... keep reading on reddit ➡

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📅︎ Mar 26 2019
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Where's the danger?

What is the biggest danger during a thrift store fire?

Secondhand smoke.

Thank you. I will gladly accept all the goodwill you wish to impart.

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👤︎ u/wmyspr
📅︎ Feb 12 2019
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I saw Matt Damon looking for a thrift shop the other day.

He was Goodwill hunting.

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📅︎ Dec 20 2016
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What's Macklemore's favorite movie?

Goodwill Hunting

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👤︎ u/sum_buddy
📅︎ Jul 29 2016
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I think he's ready.

Was complaining to a newly married buddy about how a couple of other dudes were using fairly cheap equipment for a particular job when he starts going on the defensive-

"Hey! Some people can only afford the goodwill stuff."
"I guess.."
"You can get some nice deals there. You hear about the sale at the farewell store?"
"No..?"
"There were a lot of good buys."
-____-

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📅︎ Jun 08 2014
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Finally gave my dad a taste of his own medicine in the thrift store

Dad plugging in a vacuum at Goodwill to see if it works Dad: I think this is a pretty decent vacuum for the price, what do you think? Me: Seems pretty sucky to me.

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👤︎ u/kylemramos
📅︎ Jun 14 2014
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This popped into my head this morning.

If you're searching for clothes at Goodwill, you're Good Will Hunting.

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📅︎ May 02 2014
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My dad and I were looking for a charity to donate old clothes to

"Time to go Goodwill hunting."

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📅︎ Dec 31 2014
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Friend and I walking out of a thrift store...

Walking out of a Goodwill with a friend of mine, my friend noticed a giant clock in someone's shopping cart at checkout. "That's a big clock over there" "Yeah it is... big time."

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👤︎ u/spongebue
📅︎ Jun 29 2014
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I was dad joked by a customer today.

I work at Goodwill, and while I was working register a customer came up to pay.

He placed a frying pan on the counter, and casually said, "Hey man. What's cooking?"

His significant other just rolled her eyes and walked off. We laughed like maniacs.

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📅︎ Mar 26 2014
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What did they call the movie where Matt Damon looks for thrift store treasures?

Goodwill Hunting.

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👤︎ u/wizard7926
📅︎ Sep 20 2018
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