Are German puns allowed??
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/neur0nic
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2019
🚨︎ report
German pun
πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shipless_Captain
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2018
🚨︎ report
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ffngg
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2015
🚨︎ report
I often worry about German sausages

Basically I fear the wurst.

Edit: thanks for my first award ya loonies ;)

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kimenon001
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23
🚨︎ report
How does two German car enthusiast cowboys greet each other?

Audi, partner 🀠

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EL17Eness
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12
🚨︎ report
Hey, German speakers. What do Germans call Mayor McCheese?

BΓΌrgermeister!

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wolfyfancylads
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21
🚨︎ report
I have an irrational fear of being in a small room, packed with Germans.

I told my doctor and he said I have Klaustrophobia.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15
🚨︎ report
How do German Bakers say hello?

Gluten tag!

πŸ‘︎ 100
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Elon_Muskmelon
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29
🚨︎ report
A English man, a Spaniard, a French man, and a German. Go to a club. The guy on stage asks if they can see him. They said

β€œYes” β€œOui” β€œSí” β€œJa”

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheGregGreg
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11
🚨︎ report
My brother said he would gift me either a short sleeved shirt or a German sausage.

I hope for the vest but expecting the wurst.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 23
🚨︎ report
I bought a German shepherd today and named him Lord.

Now I can truly say the Lord is my shepherd

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/den_nis3524
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23
🚨︎ report
Two Germans are a bar in London

"Two martinis, please."

"Dry?"

"NEIN, ZWEI!"

πŸ‘︎ 65
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Clbull
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21
🚨︎ report
I really hope I don't get addicted to German sausage again

Those days were the Wurst.

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bryanBr
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11
🚨︎ report
β€œDad, can you count in German?”

nodding my head β€œNein!”

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PopeOfNebraska
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19
🚨︎ report
Did you know what did the Grrman Bread said to another German Bread after tapping on his shoulder ?

Gluten Tag.

edit : i fucked up the title

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28
🚨︎ report
How does the German baker greet people?

"Gluten tag!"

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PrivatePenguin12
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31
🚨︎ report
Winning a German sausage eating contest is all about your mind set

You hope for the best, but prepare for the wurst

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ali_whi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15
🚨︎ report
How many Germans does it take to change a lightbulb?

One. We are very efficient and not funny.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TimothyLux
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30
🚨︎ report
I'm developing a fear of German sausages

I fear the wurst.

πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/massattcker
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15
🚨︎ report
Had to remove a load of German names and stuff from my pre-owned iPhone..

..It's Hans free now.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11
🚨︎ report
Germans are so childish, they always play with their food.

They play Gluten Tag.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DBTheNerd
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11
🚨︎ report
A pun for all the German speakers here
πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LifeNerd
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19
🚨︎ report
How many Germans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, they are very efficient and have no sense of humor.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/danspud69
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27
🚨︎ report
What the Poland man did, after adding German mugs to his collection?

He polished them.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/4K_Jay
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26
🚨︎ report
What did the man say to the sad German egg noodle?

You'll always be spaetzle to me!

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tca_ky
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22
🚨︎ report
I’ve been trying to pick up on German humor recently.

It’s no laughing matter.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedShirtCashion
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27
🚨︎ report
What did the Germans say when they lost WW2?

I did Nazi that coming.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Br_u_u_u_ce
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11
🚨︎ report
Whenever I'm sad my German friend throws bread at me

A nice game of gluten tag always cheers me up.

πŸ‘︎ 62
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IWaterboardKids
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11
🚨︎ report
How do you say unintended pregnancy in German?

Kinder Surprise

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/REShockwave
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26
🚨︎ report
My son asked me if i could count numbers in German.

I told him 9

πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Slymood
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25
🚨︎ report
what do you call a blind German

A not see.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sickycrimson
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25
🚨︎ report
I received an email today from the owner of a German sausage processing plant, he said I could have it for only 1000€

I agreed and wired him the money. What’s the wurst that could happen?

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mustacius
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27
🚨︎ report
Why was the German boy sad when sister ran away with his 3-Musketeers Candy Bar ??

Because he was Far-from-nougat!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bad11ama
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31
🚨︎ report
A German rod is very...

eFischent

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/coffinedude
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07
🚨︎ report
What do you call a blind german...

A notsee

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bonecrusher9874
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25
🚨︎ report
What do you call a female german baker?

Gluten Morgan

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheSalemWitch22
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26
🚨︎ report
When writing in German, is the word for sausage capitalised or not?

It’s a wurst case scenario.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vbloke
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21
🚨︎ report
A german tourist jumped in the freezing water to save my dog. After he climbed out, he said, β€œhere is ze dog, dry him off and keep him warm, he vill be fine. I asked him, β€œare you a vet?”

He said, β€œvet? I’m fucking soaking”

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rohanlahiri05
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07
🚨︎ report
What is it called when you spend an hour in the bookstore browsing for German philosophers?

A Schopenhauer.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HudsonSlaby
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16
🚨︎ report
I asked a German girl for her number and I'm still waiting for the rest of the numbers

So far all I have is 9.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06
🚨︎ report
I hate German sausages

They’re the wurst.

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kgrabowski121
πŸ“…︎ May 25
🚨︎ report
How do Celiac Germans greet eachother?

Gluten-tag!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chevalier-96
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12
🚨︎ report
A German friend of mine actually installed a bath around his desk !?..

Bad um tisch..

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07
🚨︎ report
My grandpa was responsible for downing 43 German planes in WW2.

To this day he still holds the record as the worst mechanic in the Luftwaffe.

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/katskratched
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23
🚨︎ report
Got told this one is scouts a long time ago. If you’re Russian when you’re walking in the bathroom and German when you come out, what are you while you’re in the bathroom?

European

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MPT1313
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03
🚨︎ report
What do Germans think of sausages?

It’s the wurst.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Colbosky
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08
🚨︎ report
What did the Germans say when Hitler killed himself?

I did nazi that coming

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hysterical110
πŸ“…︎ May 23
🚨︎ report
What do you call a meme made by a grateful german?

A danke meme

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/daswithclass
πŸ“…︎ May 12
🚨︎ report
I found a specific hobby of adding alliteration to German philosophers’ names

Glad I found my Nietzsche niche

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Plumsby
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24
🚨︎ report
A German car manufacturer walks into a saloon

Audi

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RatTrap79
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29
🚨︎ report
What do you call an angry German

A sour kraut

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/michael121425
πŸ“…︎ May 23
🚨︎ report
Everyone says that German sausages are the best

I think they’re the wurst

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shlimon69
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08
🚨︎ report
I've heard the german army only liked one type of pastry.

The luft-waffle

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/YKantSpiel66
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21
🚨︎ report
Where will you find a happy naysayer German?

On Cloud Nein

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Allgen
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21
🚨︎ report
I wanted to go over to my German girlfriend's house at 8:51...

But she said "nein" to nine to nine.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10
🚨︎ report
Why don’t Germans teach algebra in school?

Nobody can understand the Bavariables!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/yourpaljenkins
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20
🚨︎ report
How many germans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One! Because Germans do not have humor.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/taroqi
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07
🚨︎ report
Why did the blind German mistakenly support Hitler?

He thought he was a fellow member of the Not See Party.

πŸ‘︎ 41
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Miketar85
πŸ“…︎ May 21
🚨︎ report
A group of German geologists recently made an interesting discovery within a mountain range of northern Italy

The team unearthed a layer of rock tessellations resembling a violin as viewed from behind.

As of yet they have no name for this strata variance.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Raidenisme
πŸ“…︎ May 12
🚨︎ report
An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are sitting in a room...

...a man enters and asks them "Can you see me?" and they respond; "Yes." "Oui." "SΓ­." "Ja."

πŸ‘︎ 329
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jonmokoko
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23
🚨︎ report
How do you talk with a German?

You co-munich-cate with them.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wspoons5
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08
🚨︎ report
My grandad was responsible for 28 downed german planes in WW2.

Still to this day holds the record as the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2019
🚨︎ report
I painted a German Shepherd
πŸ‘︎ 163
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πŸ‘€︎ u/travischapmanart
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20
🚨︎ report
I know 10 words in German.

But I can only pronounce nein.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Picker-Rick
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30
🚨︎ report
How does German bread introduce itself?

Gluten tag!

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Cananbaum
πŸ“…︎ May 02
🚨︎ report
I'm on a plane and the lunch choices are: white meat chicken or German sausage. Unfortunately, I'm seated in the last row.

I'm hoping for the breast, but preparing for the wurst.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/simplyGagi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2019
🚨︎ report
I shot a man in German,

just to watch him the.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnreese421
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27
🚨︎ report
Went to a German dentist convention where they wanted donations of metals.

I told them β€œNein, out of tin.” Dentists agreed.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jacob0128
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04
🚨︎ report
What do you call a German virus?

A germ.

πŸ‘︎ 126
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Guval25
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09
🚨︎ report
What kind of joke did the German dad tell his kid before bed

A nacht nacht joke

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RHS_Aidan
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28
🚨︎ report
German children are kinder
πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pogo_hobo
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2019
🚨︎ report
Have you heard of that German sausage?

It’s die Wurst

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Gary_or_Marty
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08
🚨︎ report
Germans have a word for everything..

It is "alles".

πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/-jFk-
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2019
🚨︎ report
An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are standing, watching a street performer do some juggling.

The performer notices they have a rather poor view, so stands on a large box, asking 'Can you see me better now?' They reply:

'Yes' 'Oui' 'Si' 'Ja'

πŸ‘︎ 340
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LilGingeyboi
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Anyone hear that joke about German sausages?

I did, it was the wurst.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jlionbad
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27
🚨︎ report
What game do German kids play in the morning?

Guten tag

πŸ‘︎ 59
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KalegNar
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25
🚨︎ report
German kids may always be kinder...

...but kids in a pastry shop tend to be cruller.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Spotted_Lady
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18
🚨︎ report
The captain wanted all sailors of German descent to come out onto the top ship platform and line up...

It was all Hans on deck!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30
🚨︎ report
Why are kids only like German sausages?

They're just the wurst .

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Wallysfav
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08
🚨︎ report
What is the German word for constipation ?

Fahrfrahmpoopin

πŸ‘︎ 67
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18
🚨︎ report
What do you call a blind German?

A Not-see

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mush_Tilly
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12
🚨︎ report
TIL about a sneak attack in WWII, in which Norway’s Skiing Soldiers deprived the German army of the atomic bomb.

They did Nazi it coming.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/blackabe
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30
🚨︎ report
What's is called when Germans reproduce?

Germination

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/chinana243
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04
🚨︎ report
How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb?

One. They’re efficient and not very funny.

πŸ‘︎ 49
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/m1ngaa
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25
🚨︎ report
An American ship is sinking off the German coast.

The captain goes to use the radio to get help and says β€œwe’re sinking! We’re sinking!”

The German operator answers β€œwhat are you sinking about?”

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NoamTheSHEEP
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04
🚨︎ report
The German government is advising residents to stock up on sausage and cheese due to the Covid pandemic.

They're calling it a wurst-kΓ€ze scenario.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/_jandax
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the blind German from the 1940s?

He could Nazi.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HanlonRazor
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20
🚨︎ report
German sausage is the wurst
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Anonymous_v8
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06
🚨︎ report
How do you greet a German baker?

Gluten tag!

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Arylade
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13
🚨︎ report
What do you call a blind german?

Not see

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06
🚨︎ report

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