A felony either way.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/travislaker
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25
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I heard Sodium Chloride was charged with a felony!

Yes, it was a salt!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EggYakult
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2018
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Is stealing goats a felony offense?

Only for young goats - then it's kidnapping.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigfoothobbit
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2018
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Did you hear about the herbalist that got a felony charge?

They're doing hard thyme

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Scamperillium
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2018
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I was travelling to Australia and they asked me at the gate if I had any arrests or felonies...

I didnt know that was still a requirement to get in!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Superfist
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2018
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Me and my dad were talking about a baby seagull that committed a felony

He said it was a wee-gull

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chuckthewalrus
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2018
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I was convicted of feloniously inept dancing, and the probation officer said I was a high risk for recidivism.

But then I did the hokey-pokey, and I turned myself around.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/M4sterofD1saster
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23
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What's a prisoner's favorite food?

A felony sandwich

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ifoundout
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2019
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Dadjoked the executive board room today

Got quite a few groans I was pretty proud of today!

We were talking about hiring a new manager for a field team, and it turned out the guy we liked the most had several felony convictions for gun possession.

COO: I'm not sure we can take the risk, despite his valuable experience.
Me: Well guys, at least we know he'll stick to his guns.

I'll make a very good dad one day.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tombodadin
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2014
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What do you call a burning one dollar bill?

A hot single in your area!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/peachoftree
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2016
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Pun contest. Name our bands next "tour". Get it printed on shirts. Win imaginary gold.

Backstory: I play in a small band that does a "tour" of southern Wisconsin every year. The bands name is the Petty Thieves. This is my first year with them, but every year they come up with a tour name and make nice t-shirts and material with the tour name on them. Last two tour names were "Sticky Fingers" and "Busted!" We are looking for something related to the band name. Something clever and crime related. If it has mild sexual innuendo, all the better, but not overtly obscene. Some tour names we came up with are: Five Finger Discount, Backdoor Tour, Snatching Kisses, Kissing Snatches, Robbing the Cradle, Something something Miss Demeanors, Spread 'em, Felonious Funk, Unlawful Entry, Rhymes against Humanity, etc...

If you have anything punny, please throw it out there. Top 3 upvoted names get reddit gold. If we use your tour name, I'l send you the tshirt. Thanks kind sirs!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dharmon555
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2013
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A rather long dad joke

A few years ago, there was a series of murders that seemed completely independent from one another, aside from two similarities. Each of the victims had received an e-mail the day prior that was typed in all caps, and contained a joke, with the punchline being a play on words. The victims also all had felony convictions. In light of the second fact, many people felt that the murderers were doing a service to the public. Many others disagreed, however, and those against the murders all rallied under the same slogan: End Capital Punishment.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pretzelk
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2017
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