100% effective method to not go to jail
πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BigPapaPump6969
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03
🚨︎ report
After years of being in jail, Lance, a reporter was released from prison.

Now he's freelance

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the midget fortune teller that broke out of jail?

Police are saying there is a small medium at large

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rosiekaykay
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14
🚨︎ report
Hear about the author in jail?

They put him in the writers block. Couldn’t get past his first sentence.

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/adamhoolhorst
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19
🚨︎ report
When 6ix9ine gets out of jail,

He'll be the first mumble rapper to finish his sentence

πŸ‘︎ 334
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/8YourOrgans
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24
🚨︎ report
Mike Tyson ended up in jail for having diarrhea

He mad a meth in the bathroom

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Antisocial_gamer
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20
🚨︎ report
What do you call a dwarf clairvoiyant who just escaped jail?

A small medium at large

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hayeshilton
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27
🚨︎ report
Prisoner tunnels out of jail and emerges in a school playground shouting β€œI’m free”!

Little girl walks up and shouts β€œI’m four!”

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bigpapastu
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28
🚨︎ report
Why did the picture go to jail?

It was framed!

πŸ‘︎ 76
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Eggsy_anon
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24
🚨︎ report
I wanted to marry my English teacher when she got out of jail

But apparently you're not allowed to end a sentence with a proposition.

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 19
🚨︎ report
Two prisoners are working in the laundry room on the top floor of the jail.

After a couple hours, the guard on duty steps away to use the bathroom.

The one prisoner says: "Quick, this is our chance to escape. We only have a few minutes so have to work together. You rip bedsheets into strips and I'll tie them into a rope, then we can climb down through the window.

The other agrees, "Got it. I sheet, you knot."

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ May 30
🚨︎ report
[In court] Judge: After seeing all the evidence, I am sending you to jail.

Defendant: Say-you-did-what.

Judge: What did you say?

Defendant: Thanks for reversing my sentence.

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 07
🚨︎ report
I was thrown in jail for not having twine!

I couldn't make bale.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 21
🚨︎ report
Why did the baby go to jail?

Because he was resisting a rest.

πŸ‘︎ 121
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lolEndgameSucks
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23
🚨︎ report
What do you call a psychic midget who has escaped from jail.

A small medium at large.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Reteperator
πŸ“…︎ May 09
🚨︎ report
Last night in jail, they gave us mint chocolates for dessert. I thought they'd be be gross, but they were actually pretty good! Turns out...

...that in-prison mint isn't as bad as I expected!

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25
🚨︎ report
How can a Catholic get out of jail?

Christian Bale

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AVKD14
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the English teacher who went to jail?

She got a full sentence

πŸ‘︎ 92
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the fraudulent, short in stature fortune teller who escaped from jail?

The newspaper headline read β€˜Small Medium at Large’.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28
🚨︎ report
If you think being in quarantine is like being in jail

Consider it as being in Sanitary Confinement.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/markydsade
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11
🚨︎ report
My PE teacher told me I was so bad at golf that I should go to golf jail

It would be a shame if they putt me in there.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ibean2d
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the rock star who broke a 13 year old out of jail?

Bruce Springsteen

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/akjohnston87
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29
🚨︎ report
My wife was in jail, so I decided to go in for a conjugal visit.

The kids will never play Monopoly with us again.

πŸ‘︎ 126
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22
🚨︎ report
When the dark knight leaves jail...

Is he out on Bale?

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/penguinfeces
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21
🚨︎ report
If my child won't go to bed, I'll have him put in jail.

For resisting A Rest

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/alunde05ps
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19
🚨︎ report
Why did the tennis player go to jail

Racketeering

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lZombieChaserl
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28
🚨︎ report
Why did the belt go to jail?

Because it held up a pair of pants!

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BlankPhotos
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20
🚨︎ report
Jail is more than just a word...

... it's a sentence

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/td941
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a five foot psychic that's escaped from jail?

A small medium at large.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/puggoamber
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2019
🚨︎ report
I went to jail for driving to yoga

They said it was premeditated

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Vitmal
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17
🚨︎ report
You guys hear about that dwarf psychic that escaped from jail?

He's a small medium at large

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Cranky_Windlass
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
🚨︎ report
My son didn't cope well with going to jail.

He refused to eat or drink anything. He swore at everyone and covered his room with his own shit.

After that, we never played Monopoly again.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ravireads
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2018
🚨︎ report
I tried using a powerbank on my phone, but the police threw it in jail...

It was charged with battery.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheMasonX
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2019
🚨︎ report
My son got sent to jail for refusing to take a nap

He was resisting a rest

πŸ‘︎ 49
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/euratowel
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
🚨︎ report
I just went to a jail poetry slam...

...it was called Prose and Cons.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lytical
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2019
🚨︎ report
My son refused to go to sleep last night so I sent him to jail

For resisting a rest

πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SteakPie321
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2019
🚨︎ report
The energizer bunny went to jail.

He was charged with battery.

πŸ‘︎ 45
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/randomredditor512
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2019
🚨︎ report
A conductor kissed a girl in his bus, police took the conductor to jail and gave him electric shocks but it had no effect. Why?

because he was a bad conductor.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JingaLaLahuu
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Why was Abraham Lincoln never put in jail? reddit.com/r/Jokes/commen…
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zvekl
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the English professor who went to jail?

She got a full sentence.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/J_Mac_Attack
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2019
🚨︎ report
I saw a midget escaping jail the other day...

I thought to myself, that’s a little condescending.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kcambridge35
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2019
🚨︎ report
I wanted to marry my English teacher when she came out if jail

However, you can't end a sentence with a proposition

πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Potato23860
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the biker go to jail?

He was peddling drugs.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/n3rv0u5
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2019
🚨︎ report
I hear they use bread as currency in jail
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Gerald739
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the phone go to jail?

It was charged with battery.

πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mikereations
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2018
🚨︎ report
What did the Pakistani ask when he saw a llama in jail?

Islamabad?

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jasonmulle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2019
🚨︎ report
A short psychic broke out of jail earlier today.

There's a small medium at large.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JinTaisa
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2019
🚨︎ report
My brother went to jail.

He didn't take it very well. He was yelling insults and attacking everyone, he even threw his feces on the wall. I don't think we will play Monopoly with him again.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/joeyhowellplays
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Why don't they send alcoholics to jail for substance abuse?

Too many bars.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/_Winged
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you here about the insomniac who went to jail?

He was resisting a rest

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kaiserpg
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the tiny fortune teller that escaped from jail?

It’s a small medium at large

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2019
🚨︎ report
One time I went to jail for stepping on a cornflake

My neighbor told the cops that I'm a cereal killer

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Roy55514
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2019
🚨︎ report
I wanted to marry my English teacher when she came out of jail

But you can’t end a sentence with a preposition

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrPotato1606
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Why was Captain Crunch in jail?

Because he was a cereal killer.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cromosapien
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2019
🚨︎ report
I hear prisoners in jail get drunk a lot

They hang around bars 24/7.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Calthropstu
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2017
🚨︎ report
You heard about the Pianist that went to Jail?

Apparently he hit β€œA minor”.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/A98HondaCivic
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2019
🚨︎ report
How did the picture end up in jail?

It was framed!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RobRoy333
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2019
🚨︎ report
How did the picture end up in jail.

It got Framed

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SunfuryPlayZ
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2019
🚨︎ report
I visited my friend in jail the other day and there was a jailbreak.

Suddenly there was pandemonium everywhere. The guards on duty ushered us out of the gates just as a horde of inmates began climbing over the barrier wall.

One by one they dropped down disappearing into the brush. Just as I looked up, a midget in an orange jumpsuit stuck his tongue out at me and gave me the finger as he came down.

I thought to myself, "Well that's a little con descending."

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/garrettbtm22
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Dad, is that a jail? No it's a soap factory...

Look at all the bars in the windows!

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jack_wolff
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the comedians go to jail?

Manslaughter!

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ScheidNation21
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2019
🚨︎ report
A picture went to jail today,

I think it was framed.

πŸ‘︎ 58
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2018
🚨︎ report
Why did the guitarist go to jail?

Because he fingered A minor.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/swimingduck
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2018
🚨︎ report
Why did the kindergartner go to jail?

For resisting a rest.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WhiteWalterBlack
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2018
🚨︎ report
I wanted to marry my English teacher when she got out of jail, reddit.com/r/Jokes/commen…
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/allan_collins
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend keeps saying, β€œIf I wasn’t making drinks, I would be in jail.”

Currently he’s behind bars .

πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2018
🚨︎ report
12 o’clock must spend a lot of time in jail.

It’s hands are always up.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lucidus_somniorum
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend once told me, β€œIf I wasn’t making cocktails for a living, I’d be in jail.”

Currently he’s behind bars.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2019
🚨︎ report
A man walks into a bar looking depressed. Bar tender asks whats wrong? Man says its his 50th wedding anniversary. And that when he was a teenager he got his girl friend pregnant. And to make it worse the father was a Judge and he told me if i did'nt marry his daughter i would go to Jail for 50 year

Today I could be a free man !

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/manicmoose13
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2018
🚨︎ report
Why did the corn farmer go to jail?

He was stalking someone in a field.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/xevetv
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2019
🚨︎ report
We're about to scrape the old paint off to repaint the bars of the jail cells.

This calls for cell abrasion.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thefizzynator
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2018
🚨︎ report
Why was the energizer bunny put in jail?

He was charged with battery

πŸ‘︎ 469
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/58008upsidedown
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2017
🚨︎ report
Why did the crows' psychiatrist get sent to jail?

Because he committed a murder!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LottaLottaMusic
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend told me he broke out of jail riding a sheep

I didn’t believe him until I saw the news. He really was on the lamb

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/eatthecheddar
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2019
🚨︎ report
A midget fortune-teller has escaped from jail.

Police are on the lookout for a small medium at large.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/biggrumpybadger
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the bunny go to jail?

Because he was charged with HAREassment!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/maggie143
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2019
🚨︎ report
I went to jail for telling dad jokes to a cop

It was an arresting development

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thebikerdad
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2018
🚨︎ report
If im ever sent to jail im going to rename myself Mitochondria

This is to let people know I'm the powerhouse of the cell

πŸ‘︎ 66
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DaraghJohn
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2018
🚨︎ report
Dustin Diamond, aka Screech, was arrested yesterday, but thankfully didn’t spend the night in jail.

He was Saved by the Bail.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a 5-foot psychic that’s escaped from jail?

A small medium at large.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bradyhero-cgpzero
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call an apricot in jail?

Apricaught

πŸ‘︎ 107
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/phantom_sl00t89
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2016
🚨︎ report
A psychic midget escaped from jail.

The police put out an A.P.B. for a small medium at large.

πŸ‘︎ 79
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NavGunz4512
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2018
🚨︎ report
Why did the picture go to jail?

Because it was framed

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tankerman05
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11
🚨︎ report
Why did the picture go to jail?

It was framed.

πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dr_Trik
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a midget psychic that just escaped jail?

A small medium at large

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/UberPutin69
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the picture go to jail?

...because it was framed.

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SyncingShiip
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the English teacher who went to jail?

She got a full sentence.

πŸ‘︎ 488
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/danielartdiaz
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a psychic midget that escaped from jail?

A small medium at large

πŸ‘︎ 210
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AbysmalVixen
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the English teacher who went to jail?

She got a full sentence.

πŸ‘︎ 123
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Scaulbylausis
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2017
🚨︎ report

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