A drunk wakes up in jail, "Why am I here officer?"
"For drinking." replies the cop.
"Great" says the man. "When do we start?"
π︎ 14k
π
︎ Dec 08 2020
How did a heart end up in jail?
There was a cardiac arrest
π︎ 24
π
︎ Jan 15 2021
If a short psychic broke out of jail...
You'd have a small medium at large
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jan 06 2021
A dwarf who was a mystic escaped from jail.
The news said there was a small medium at large.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jan 06 2021
100% effective method to not go to jail
π︎ 5k
π
︎ Aug 03 2020
What did the musician play that landed him in jail?
π︎ 7
π
︎ Nov 11 2020
I went to jail
π︎ 20
π
︎ Oct 27 2020
My brother went to jail. He didn't take it well. Started insulting and attacking everyone and threw his own feces on the walls.
I don't think we'll play Monopoly with him again.
π︎ 800
π
︎ Sep 08 2020
Why did the duck got into jail?
π︎ 56
π
︎ Oct 10 2020
What do you call a bodybuilder in jail?
π︎ 47
π
︎ Oct 05 2020
The prosecutor offered the ballet dancer two choices after she did not pay her mountain of parking tickets. A) Say guilty, pay them off, and get probation for 6 months or B) Say Not Guilty and go to trial and perhaps serve 6 months in jail.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Nov 26 2020
Why did the picture go to jail?
π︎ 89
π
︎ Oct 10 2020
My brother hated going to jail
He refused to eat or drink anything, spat on everyone and covered the walls with his own feces...
We never played monopoly again.
π︎ 51
π
︎ Oct 14 2020
If I ever go to jail I am making sure I get the nickname βmitochondriaβ
The powerhouse of the cell
π︎ 127
π
︎ Sep 13 2020
A rich man who got sent to jail decided to pay to upgrade his prison cell.
He is now behind gold bars.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Oct 01 2020
Son, do you know why was the picture sent to jail?
π︎ 17
π
︎ Oct 09 2020
After I joined the army, I served in a furious war of Iraq , when we came home, I was sent to jail, I don't understand why......
My lieutenant said , fire in the hole and I fired In his hole .
π︎ 2
π
︎ Sep 29 2020
Why will you never find a farmer in jail?
They can always make bale.
π︎ 17
π
︎ Aug 18 2020
My whole family witnessed me going to jail
We have to play something other than monopoly next time
π︎ 7
π
︎ Oct 01 2020
After years of being in jail, Lance, a reporter was released from prison.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Aug 11 2020
Jails are living things
Because theyβre made of cells
π︎ 9
π
︎ Sep 03 2020
When 6ix9ine gets out of jail,
He'll be the first mumble rapper to finish his sentence
π︎ 333
π
︎ Apr 24 2020
Did you hear about the midget fortune teller that broke out of jail?
Police are saying there is a small medium at large
π︎ 12
π
︎ Aug 14 2020
Why did Carl Wheezer go to jail
π︎ 3
π
︎ Aug 22 2020
Hear about the author in jail?
They put him in the writers block. Couldnβt get past his first sentence.
π︎ 33
π
︎ Jul 19 2020
Why did the baby go to jail?
Because he was resisting a rest.
π︎ 118
π
︎ Feb 23 2020
Mike Tyson ended up in jail for having diarrhea
He mad a meth in the bathroom
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jul 20 2020
Prisoner tunnels out of jail and emerges in a school playground shouting βIβm freeβ!
Little girl walks up and shouts βIβm four!β
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jun 28 2020
I wanted to marry my English teacher when she got out of jail
But apparently you're not allowed to end a sentence with a proposition.
π︎ 35
π
︎ May 19 2020
[In court] Judge: After seeing all the evidence, I am sending you to jail.
Defendant: Say-you-did-what.
Judge: What did you say?
Defendant: Thanks for reversing my sentence.
π︎ 39
π
︎ May 07 2020
Two prisoners are working in the laundry room on the top floor of the jail.
After a couple hours, the guard on duty steps away to use the bathroom.
The one prisoner says: "Quick, this is our chance to escape. We only have a few minutes so have to work together. You rip bedsheets into strips and I'll tie them into a rope, then we can climb down through the window.
The other agrees, "Got it. I sheet, you knot."
π︎ 4
π
︎ May 30 2020
How can a Catholic get out of jail?
π︎ 11
π
︎ Mar 10 2020
I was thrown in jail for not having twine!
π︎ 5
π
︎ May 21 2020
My PE teacher told me I was so bad at golf that I should go to golf jail
It would be a shame if they putt me in there.
π︎ 20
π
︎ Jan 29 2020
My wife was in jail, so I decided to go in for a conjugal visit.
The kids will never play Monopoly with us again.
π︎ 123
π
︎ Jan 22 2020
Last night in jail, they gave us mint chocolates for dessert. I thought they'd be be gross, but they were actually pretty good! Turns out...
...that in-prison mint isn't as bad as I expected!
π︎ 12
π
︎ Apr 25 2020
If you think being in quarantine is like being in jail
Consider it as being in Sanitary Confinement.
π︎ 10
π
︎ Apr 11 2020
When the dark knight leaves jail...
π︎ 4
π
︎ Mar 21 2020
A midget psychic broke out of jail.
Itβs a small medium at large situation.
π︎ 12
π
︎ Nov 22 2020
Why did the duck go to jail?
π︎ 56
π
︎ Sep 18 2020
Why did the duck go to jail
π︎ 13
π
︎ Sep 12 2020
Why did the picture go to jail?
π︎ 72
π
︎ Apr 24 2020
What do you call a dwarf clairvoiyant who just escaped jail?
π︎ 9
π
︎ Jun 27 2020
Did you hear about the English teacher who went to jail?
π︎ 90
π
︎ Jan 04 2020
Jail is more than just a word...
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Jan 16 2019
What do you call a psychic midget who has escaped from jail.
π︎ 9
π
︎ May 09 2020
What do you call a five foot psychic that's escaped from jail?
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Jun 13 2019
My son didn't cope well with going to jail.
He refused to eat or drink anything. He swore at everyone and covered his room with his own shit.
After that, we never played Monopoly again.
π︎ 6k
π
︎ Sep 25 2018
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
