A drunk wakes up in jail, "Why am I here officer?"

"For drinking." replies the cop.

"Great" says the man. "When do we start?"

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
🚨︎ report
How did a heart end up in jail?

There was a cardiac arrest

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/qarasaq
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2021
🚨︎ report
If a short psychic broke out of jail...

You'd have a small medium at large

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FalconsFever
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2021
🚨︎ report
A dwarf who was a mystic escaped from jail.

The news said there was a small medium at large.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeJoey2004
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2021
🚨︎ report
100% effective method to not go to jail
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BigPapaPump6969
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the musician play that landed him in jail?

He played a D minor.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kboisno
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I went to jail

But I never finished my

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/44Tekwan
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
🚨︎ report
My brother went to jail. He didn't take it well. Started insulting and attacking everyone and threw his own feces on the walls.

I don't think we'll play Monopoly with him again.

πŸ‘︎ 800
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yankee9Niner
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the duck got into jail?

For selling quack

πŸ‘︎ 56
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πŸ‘€︎ u/19olo
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a bodybuilder in jail?

Mitochondrion.

πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AMSAS99
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2020
🚨︎ report
The prosecutor offered the ballet dancer two choices after she did not pay her mountain of parking tickets. A) Say guilty, pay them off, and get probation for 6 months or B) Say Not Guilty and go to trial and perhaps serve 6 months in jail.

She took plea A.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the picture go to jail?

Because it was framed

πŸ‘︎ 89
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VVIIVVI
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
🚨︎ report
My brother hated going to jail

He refused to eat or drink anything, spat on everyone and covered the walls with his own feces...

We never played monopoly again.

πŸ‘︎ 51
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cosh1990
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
🚨︎ report
If I ever go to jail I am making sure I get the nickname β€˜mitochondria’

The powerhouse of the cell

πŸ‘︎ 127
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Haas19
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2020
🚨︎ report
A rich man who got sent to jail decided to pay to upgrade his prison cell.

He is now behind gold bars.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tyckt206
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Son, do you know why was the picture sent to jail?

Because It was framed.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/balkso
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
🚨︎ report
After I joined the army, I served in a furious war of Iraq , when we came home, I was sent to jail, I don't understand why......

My lieutenant said , fire in the hole and I fired In his hole .

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sabishaw
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Why will you never find a farmer in jail?

They can always make bale.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lanternkeeper
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2020
🚨︎ report
My whole family witnessed me going to jail

We have to play something other than monopoly next time

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Slymood
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
🚨︎ report
After years of being in jail, Lance, a reporter was released from prison.

Now he's freelance

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Jails are living things

Because they’re made of cells

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jrbear09
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
🚨︎ report
When 6ix9ine gets out of jail,

He'll be the first mumble rapper to finish his sentence

πŸ‘︎ 333
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πŸ‘€︎ u/8YourOrgans
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the midget fortune teller that broke out of jail?

Police are saying there is a small medium at large

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rosiekaykay
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did Carl Wheezer go to jail

Armed Quassult

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LadelThai
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Hear about the author in jail?

They put him in the writers block. Couldn’t get past his first sentence.

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/adamhoolhorst
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the baby go to jail?

Because he was resisting a rest.

πŸ‘︎ 118
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lolEndgameSucks
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Mike Tyson ended up in jail for having diarrhea

He mad a meth in the bathroom

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Antisocial_gamer
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Prisoner tunnels out of jail and emerges in a school playground shouting β€œI’m free”!

Little girl walks up and shouts β€œI’m four!”

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bigpapastu
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I wanted to marry my English teacher when she got out of jail

But apparently you're not allowed to end a sentence with a proposition.

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2020
🚨︎ report
[In court] Judge: After seeing all the evidence, I am sending you to jail.

Defendant: Say-you-did-what.

Judge: What did you say?

Defendant: Thanks for reversing my sentence.

πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Two prisoners are working in the laundry room on the top floor of the jail.

After a couple hours, the guard on duty steps away to use the bathroom.

The one prisoner says: "Quick, this is our chance to escape. We only have a few minutes so have to work together. You rip bedsheets into strips and I'll tie them into a rope, then we can climb down through the window.

The other agrees, "Got it. I sheet, you knot."

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2020
🚨︎ report
How can a Catholic get out of jail?

Christian Bale

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AVKD14
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I was thrown in jail for not having twine!

I couldn't make bale.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2020
🚨︎ report
My PE teacher told me I was so bad at golf that I should go to golf jail

It would be a shame if they putt me in there.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ibean2d
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife was in jail, so I decided to go in for a conjugal visit.

The kids will never play Monopoly with us again.

πŸ‘︎ 123
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Last night in jail, they gave us mint chocolates for dessert. I thought they'd be be gross, but they were actually pretty good! Turns out...

...that in-prison mint isn't as bad as I expected!

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2020
🚨︎ report
If you think being in quarantine is like being in jail

Consider it as being in Sanitary Confinement.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/markydsade
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2020
🚨︎ report
When the dark knight leaves jail...

Is he out on Bale?

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/penguinfeces
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2020
🚨︎ report
A midget psychic broke out of jail.

It’s a small medium at large situation.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VictorHelios1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the duck go to jail?

He was selling quack...

πŸ‘︎ 56
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Phill-intheblank
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the duck go to jail

He was selling quack

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tjeters
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the picture go to jail?

It was framed!

πŸ‘︎ 72
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Eggsy_anon
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a dwarf clairvoiyant who just escaped jail?

A small medium at large

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hayeshilton
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the English teacher who went to jail?

She got a full sentence

πŸ‘︎ 90
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Jail is more than just a word...

... it's a sentence

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/td941
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a psychic midget who has escaped from jail.

A small medium at large.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Reteperator
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a five foot psychic that's escaped from jail?

A small medium at large.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/puggoamber
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2019
🚨︎ report
My son didn't cope well with going to jail.

He refused to eat or drink anything. He swore at everyone and covered his room with his own shit.

After that, we never played Monopoly again.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ravireads
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2018
🚨︎ report

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