I made a joke at the Zoo the other day and someone took offence...

I hope they put the fence back because some of the animals got out.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LazyBeast_Gaming
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
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Punisshable offence to not share this here
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pornsTaR_420
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2019
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It wasn’t his first such offence
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Furters_44
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2019
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Don’t take offence to things,

Take a gate!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DenverCav0
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2019
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They said it was a CAPITAL offence. imgur.com/YU7GHSL
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πŸ‘€︎ u/v_cleaner
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2015
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Too political for me
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πŸ‘€︎ u/galacticspheal
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2020
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To that guy who’s post was removed,

I can repost it for you, just give me some time.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NoodleyP
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
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This is a repost.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AnthonyDawnwalker
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2018
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No dad jokes are allowed in my city

They are a PUNishable offence!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/space0watch
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2020
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Where do they send the craziest of pun-makers?

The Punitentiary

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheThurmanator
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2019
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Why do they make walls around graveyards?

Cause people are just dying to get in there!

P.S. No offence intended if this was perceived as a bad joke.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/space0watch
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2019
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I saw two chavs stealing my front gate last night

I didn't say anything in case they took offence.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/davetep
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2017
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There once was a man.....

There once was a man who had a job driving a passenger train between two large towns. It could be a very dull job to some, but as the old saying goes, one man's trash is another's gold; he wanted to be a railroad man since he was a boy.

He was a wiz behind the controls of the train, and commanded the 15 car vehicle effortlessly as if he had been born to do the job. He prided himself on the fact that he could bend the rules and speed through curves and grades that made other motormen shiver and back off.

One day however, he wasn't so lucky and came round a bend too fast and derailed his train. He backed off the throttle and braked as much as he could, managing to only have one fatality out of 500 passengers on his train.

Months later there was a trial and he was found guilty of manslaughter in the highest degree, a capital offence in that land, and sentenced to die by electric chair. Punishment came swift, unlike most places, and 3 days after sentencing the former railroader was asked for his last meal.

"I'll have a banana," "Just a single banana?" said the perplexed guard. "The warden will grant you a feast and all you want is that?"

"Just a single banana." he said.

After he downed the fruit, he was strapped into the electric chair an hour later.... The warden hit the switch, lights flickered, and the crackle of electricity could be heard for over a minute...

...but our train jockey instead rose from the chair looking more like he got a stiff massage, rather than be put to death! Well in that nation, the law of the land states that if a man somehow survives being put to death, they must be set free...

...And so it came to pass that our engineer was let go...

And for whatever reason, he got his job back!

So he was back railroading again doing the job that he loved. You'd think he'd have been more cautious with this second chance he'd been given, but you'd also be wrong. Speedy Gonzales with a train license decided to gun his locomotive to hard and send it off the tracks again!

Of course, this time he was tried for the same crime, but at a different time (his was a fair commonwealth and double indemnity was simply unheard of!) So fair was their nation, that the jury came up with the same judgement and punishment. So three days later, when asked for his last meal, the engineer simply said "I'll have 2 bananas..."

Not less than 60 minutes after consuming the last morsel was he strapped into the chair and the switch thrown... And....


... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/onmugen
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2016
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Got the police this morning

So around 130 this morning I heard someone using a circular saw outside my apartment. I got out of bed pissed off and saw through my window two people were cutting apart the fence surrounding our garbage bins and stole it.

After 2 hours of unsuccessfully trying to fall asleep, I went out for a smoke and saw a cop car in our lot. Somebody had made a noise complaint and the police responded.

I spoke to them and after giving them a description of what I saw (they found the entire situation hilarious) I asked them "so would you consider this a fence offence?"

Groans were had by all.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maple-Whisky
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2015
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We discussed Robert Frost's "Mending Wall" today in Lit

Me: so I guess you could say he rides the fence about fences.

Classmate: and he doesn't want anyone to take offence about it.

Me: I gate what you're saying.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zubat_Breeder
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2015
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