Even crime has time for puns (credit to the author, extrafabulouscomics)
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SirChemi
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
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How did the computer hackers get away from the scene of crime?

They just ransomware.

πŸ‘︎ 17k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/viky_boy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
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Unidentified male charged with two completely different crimes in the produce aisle.

He took a leek

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ToastyZ71
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2021
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Son: β€œWhat crime would I be charged with if I broke into the Capitol and planted a forest?”

Dad: β€œWell I’m no legal expert, but I suspect there’d be some trees in there.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JiminyKirket
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
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What happened when the leader of Russia committed a crime?

He got Putin jail

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πŸ‘€︎ u/apeskoot
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2021
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A mime is the perfect partner in crime

They'll never say a word

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lilbob628
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2021
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What happens after an alligator commits a crime?

You call an investigator

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2021
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As the detective examined the crime scene at the carnival he came upon the man working the β€œGuess your weight” booth. The detective had the man arrested as an accomplice to the criminal.

He was charged with helping the criminal get a weigh.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pasngas42
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
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Why are crimes in the 'Deep South' so hard to solve?

There's no dental records & all the DNA matches...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Altar-83
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
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My left knee has never committed a crime.

I can’t say the same for his felony.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nate_hawwk
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2020
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What crime fighting duo hangs out at the noodle shop?

Batman and Ramen

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ichimanben
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
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If you see a crime at the Apple Store...

Does that make you a an iWitness

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πŸ‘€︎ u/K1llerpanda1
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
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Its a good thing sexual innuendos isn't a crime...

I'd definitely be going down.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
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What do you call a bird that has committed a crime?

An illegul.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mRmyster76
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
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We all have heard about Joker. The Clown Prince of Crime.

But have you heard about his father who was Joking.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/abvazir
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
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A man asks a police officer if it’s a crime to throw sodium chloride in someone’s eyes

Officer: β€œYes, that’s assault!”

Man: β€œI know it’s a salt, but is it a crime?”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/trace826621
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
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Whats the worst crime to occur at a fish market?

Getting battered

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TL4Life
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
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What crime did a test commit?

It didn't commit a crime, the teacher just told me to turn it in.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chonqme
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
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What do you call a mediocre member of organized crime?

A mafiososo.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tfowler11
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
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Whats the name of a crime series filmed on a sunny japanese island?

Kawaii five-o

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrcarrot9
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
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The police officer made me pay up for my crime.

Meh, that's fine

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πŸ‘€︎ u/timfreemints
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
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When is it a crime to just lie there?

In court, under oath.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lfantine
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
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The police show up on a crime scene

They walk in and see a man standing over a body with a broken neck. So they take the man into questioning and ask him why he did it, the man said β€œIt was a snap decision”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bear6677
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
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Lawyer - Is it crime to throw salt in someone's eyes?

Judge - Yes, that's assault!

Lawyer - I know it's a salt but is it a crime?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/viky_boy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
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Apparently there was a crime that happened on the airplane that led to the plane crashing into the ocean.

The police are trying to investigate to figure out how it all went down.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ikennaezeee
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
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What do you call a guinea pig that partakes in organized crime?

A hamster

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ngeelow
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
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Schrodinger’s Cat has committed unforgivable crimes.

He is wanted dead and alive.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MajicMan101
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
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In the history of crime literature, which character has been the most effective at getting people out of prison?

The dot "."

It has ended more sentences than anything else.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ultimadark
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
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prostitution is a thot crime.

inviting several prostitutes to the same party is gathering your thots.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sikkerhet
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
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Crime on multi storey car parks.

Wrong on so many levels.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GeneralHornbill
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
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An avocado thief was caught committing a crime...

I heard they tried to get away ,but they didn’t av a car doe...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FaberEggMaster
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
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Just found this store by chance called Ollie’s. Aside from all the great liquidation sales, the walls are a pun gold mine! I felt it be a crime not to post pictures of it on here. reddit.com/gallery/iij3ts
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KORZILLA-is-me
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2020
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What kind of house do ninja turtles live in when they go on vacation from living in the sewers and fighting crime?

A cowabungalow

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zeke_Smith
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
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Why is a minnow always the first suspect for a crime?

Because he's always a little fishy

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cha0sCaus3
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2020
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What does Venom use to commit crimes online?

The Dark Web.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/morsodo99
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
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Cup Crimes
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrShaunce
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2020
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What do you call a crime fighting dog that can swim underwater?

SCUBA-Doo!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/eat-rainbows
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
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What do you call an alligator trying to solve a crime?

An investi-gator.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/inoobie_am
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2020
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I was robbed outside and went in to report the crime. When I walked in, someone asked me what it was like outside.

I said, β€œit’s a bit muggy.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/theRiverknows86
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2020
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How do Tree crime investigators start their investigation

They go to the ROOT of the problem

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πŸ‘€︎ u/justaguy689
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2020
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Judge: I hereby find you guilty for all crimes you have been charged with. For sentencing I order you to spend life behind bars without possibility of parole

Criminal: That's a long sentence, I demand a shorter one.

Judge: U did it. Go 2 jail forever.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnblu5
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
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Is it a crime to throw NaCl on someone's eyes?

It's assault

I know it's a salt but is it a crime?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MAGICJJAFFFF
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
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It’s actually a crime to throw sodium chloride at someone.

It’s assault.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/watanabelover69
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
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How did the computer hackers get away from the scene of the crime?

I think they just ransomware.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_houser
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
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Me: Is it a crime to throw sodium chloride in your enemy's eyes?

Person: Yes, that's assault.

Me: Yes I know it's a salt, but is it a crime?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/abhish3kjain
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
🚨︎ report
If you see a crime at an apple store....

Does that make you an iWitness

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πŸ‘€︎ u/liverpool135
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
🚨︎ report

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