Not a pun per se, but thought that it belonged here
πŸ‘︎ 363
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thatShanksguy09
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2019
🚨︎ report
"ΒΏCΓ³mo se dice 'nariz' en inglΓ©s?"

"ΒΏCΓ³mo?"

"No sΓ©."

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WenDMegs
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Not a joke per se, but definitely fits - I texted my daughter "in a bottle" and then waited for her to ask "what's this I don't get it. How come out of the blue you just randomly send me the message 'in a...' ... I hate you"

Had potential to misfire but worked perfectly.

Also, the other day my wife left a Monster energy drink under her bed, and we waited for her to come and ask "ok who put this monster under my bed?"

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/evilbrent
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2019
🚨︎ report
They say sex while camping is in'tent'se

Just came up with this but has probably been said before.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nikz07
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2019
🚨︎ report
My daughter told me Cinnabon is coming to SE QLD soon

I said that’s great, but where-dough?

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrJollybox
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Is this a pun, per se?

Almost 10 years ago now when my daughter’s mom was pregnant with herβ€”waddling miserably towards the tail-end of her third trimester and about ready to popβ€”she looked forlornly at her figure in the mirror one day and announced, β€œOmigod I’m as big as a house!”

And so I, the Rico Suave motherfucker that I am, popped my head up from the book I was reading on the bed and responded thusly without missing a beat:

β€œWell, baby girl, if you’re a house then you’re my dream home...”

I thought our relationship was my rock on which we would build one hundred stories, but there were termites in the foundation. Unfortunately she ultimately turned out to be a mobile home that couldn’t stay tethered to a single lot for more than a few years at a time as, a short time later, she up-and-skedaddled from our lives and has been a deadbeat mom to our little girl ever since. (My daughter and I built a beautiful, cozy little bungalow-for-two anyways.)

Anyway, does that qualify as a pun, or just an extended metaphor? If not, sorry, I just always thought that was a good line and I wanted to humble-brag a bit.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Shadow_Boxer1987
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2018
🚨︎ report
apple is rumored to release the iPhone X-SE this year to revitalize sales.

Stock holders are TENSE

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/microwaveDiamonds
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2018
🚨︎ report
je n'ais se quoi

I don't know what that means. Can someone please translate?

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ElGuaco
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2017
🚨︎ report
Not really a 'joke' per se, but my dad's take on 'Let It Snow', from Southern California

So my dad sent this to everyone in his office. I groaned a couple of times and thought it'd fit in well here.

Oh, the weather outside is crazy
Like a film from Martin Scorsese
The rain will fall and the wind will blow
El niΓ±o, el niΓ±o, el niΓ±o

It doesn’t show signs of stopping
My shirt and pants are sopping
Oh, where did that umbrella go
El niΓ±o, el niΓ±o, el niΓ±o

Weather patterns don’t seem right
Southern Cal is all a storm
The marine layer and all of its might
All because the Pacific is warm

The fear of fire is now subsiding
our thoughts turn to mudsliding
Down the hillside our houses flow
El niΓ±o, el niΓ±o, el niΓ±o

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2015
🚨︎ report
Why did the Mexican take anti anxiety medication

For Hispanic attacks

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/joeytherealking
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2021
🚨︎ report
I left my Adderall in my Ford Fiesta

Now it’s a Ford Focus

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/racas
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
🚨︎ report
There must be one!
πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/orlanthi
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I have decided to go to a city in SW France to study history and art.

I figure, what do I have Toulouse.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2020
🚨︎ report
*whispers* b i o l o g y p u n s . . .
πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OCTUStudio
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2020
🚨︎ report
My 7 yr old sister did a huge fart and I told her to say excuse me and she follows with this:

Ex-POO-se me! 🀦

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/papadom94
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a massage from a cow?

A moo-ssage

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tortellinipizza
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Dominican Dad Joke

Como se llama el hijo Hercules?

Herculito (el culito)

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/unique4username
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2020
🚨︎ report
True story: My wife offered to make me tea and 1 hour later I remembered that she still hadn't made it....

When I asked her about it she said, "Yeah, I'm a tea-se."

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dr_Nik
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Studying Spanish and these are the puns I've come up with so far.

English and Spanish.

The Trump administration is making a game out of getting Latinos out of the country, they call it deporte.

Spanish heathens have to pay extra to preforn their ceremonies. Pagan rituals

What sci-fi weapon does the King of Spain prefer? A rey-gun!

Do you know how many times anyone had to tell me how to say 'eleven' in Spanish? Once.

Exclusivamente en espaΓ±ol (PerdΓ³n por errores gramaticales)

QuΓ© comida es el mas mojado? El agua-cate

Cual comida no puede decir una mentira? La verdadura

Como se llama un libro sobra la revoluciΓ³n? Libre!

QuΓ© es exactamente una mejor que Beyonce? Beydoce

Cual animal siempre tiene un novio o novia? El Parejaro.

Cual comida es el menos diverido? Aburrito.

Sobre que papel de pelicula de Madonna no le quiere hablar? Evita!

Quiero que me digΓ‘is mas. Nunca tengo suficiente bromas!

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DankOfTheEndless
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2017
🚨︎ report
I told my dad that the Doctor may induce my wife into labour tomorrow

My dad: Oh, so 9 months ago she was se-duced and now tomorrow she'll be in-duced.

πŸ‘︎ 457
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sane123
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2016
🚨︎ report
What did the Spanish guy say when he realised his car was missing

No se dan

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MarckFruckerburg
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2018
🚨︎ report
my Dad asked me to make a custom parking ticket..

not a joke per se but seems like a pretty Dad'ish plan to surprise his friends with such a devious ticket! 😲

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/breakonthru
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2019
🚨︎ report
I started teaching Spanish to Americans who live in the South.

Se habla Espan y’all.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the guy that couldn't keep his balance?

Turns out he had a dizzy-se.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sutbag89
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Here, have a spanish pun

-sabe inglΓ©s?

-si

-como se dice ”un zapato” en inglΓ©s?

-a shoe

-salud

-gracias

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sirmonkey95
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2014
🚨︎ report
I have proof that amazon is in fact run by dads...

http://i.imgur.com/g46ulSE.png

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PM_UR_COOL_DREAM
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2017
🚨︎ report
Made my dad crack up today

While we were working together, I passed some gas. This conversation immediately followed:

Dad: Did you say something?

Me: No, but there is an asshole behind me talking shit.

Apparently he had never heard this joke, and he couldn't stop laughing for a good minute. It's usually pretty hard to get him to laugh. But we both love lame jokes and it really surprised me he has never heard it.

I know it's probably not a dad joke per se, but Dad/Grandfather to my child was involved so it should still count.

TLDR: farted and said "there's an asshole behind me talking shit"

πŸ‘︎ 65
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/7hr0wi74w4y
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2016
🚨︎ report
This is getting silly, but help me remember the name of the movie with Ellen Page where she got pregnant in high school...

...it had a certain Juno se qua

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/frinxo
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2017
🚨︎ report
Grocery shopping with dad

I was grocery shopping with dad on a busy day, lot's of people in the grocery store. We were in the fruit aisle when my dad called for me out loud, I turned around and saw my dad holding two melons to his chest

"Son, look at my melons" while laughing at his own joke. You could se people smile from the dad joke

πŸ‘︎ 136
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hightower_93
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2014
🚨︎ report
I got dadjoked by my Spanish class this morning.

So, I teach Spanish at a small liberal arts college in the Carolinas. This morning my basic Spanish class was going over a reading comprehension exercise about a clothing store called "Corona." Corona means 'crown' in English. The ad had all kinds of words dealing with royalty, kings, and so on in it, and I wanted to go over the double meanings. So, to start, I asked them, "ΒΏCΓ³mo se dice 'corona' en inglΓ©s?" To a student, they all answered, "Beer."

I groaned and dismissed them five minutes early so I could laugh without them seeing me.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wuapinmon
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2014
🚨︎ report
"How do you say 'my birthday is' in Spanish?

I have a fairly strict rule about only speaking in Spanish in my class, especially when asking "ΒΏCΓ³mo se dice?" or "How do you say?" So, when a student asked me in English, "How do you say 'my birthday' in Spanish?" I responded:

"With my lungs, larynx, lips, tongue, and teeth."

The class blinked for two seconds before groaning in unison. She then asked the question, correctly, en espaΓ±ol. But, I think I now understand why cats purr.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wuapinmon
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2015
🚨︎ report
Some classics and the horrible consequences they cause...

http://www.buzzfeed.com/jemimaskelley/ten-tickles?utm_term=.seNDBY8Q4&sub=4015207_6808513

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/geak78
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2015
🚨︎ report
We have a moderate grasp of the Spanish language in my family

Drove past the llama ranch that's just outside our town, and I asked 'Are the llamas out?' 'No, no llamas.' responded my brother.

Dad chimes in with 'What? No llamas? How do they know what to call them?'

((like Como se llama))

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/theChristy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2014
🚨︎ report
He's definitely dad material

This might sound a bit weird, since this discussion was in Finnish and I apparently wasn't clear enough. My SO was leaving my place for work and we were saying goodbye, with some standard goodbye-fondling. It was time for him to leave for the bus and this discussion was had.

Me (declaratively): Time to put it in (the) pants. ("Laitahan se housuihin.")

...

Me: YOUR pants! ("SUN housuihin!")

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lieto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2014
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.