A cucumber seed was arrested for something he didn't do.
Needless to say, he is in a bit of a pickle
I thought I heard news of a country making money out of soft pear-shaped fruits with sweet dark flesh and many small seeds...
But I guess it was a fig mint of my imagination.
My friend told me that eagles eat small insects and seeds
What do you call a cocoa seed that is late for work ?
Two sesame seeds have escaped prison and are believed to be hiding out on top of some bread.
Police have described the fugitives as being 'on the bun'.
I went to the hardware store with a friend and the store had pallets of soil, seed, and fertilizer out front. We both stopped and looked at one of the pallets stacked high with bags of dried steer manure. The sign said, "Strict limit 2 per customer."
My friend looked at me and said, "I guess there's only so much shit you can take."
Where does a cardiologist grow seeds from?
Bird seed costs $25. Some people think it's expensive.
But I think it's cheep cheep cheep
I'm allergic to sesame seeds, so back in Year 3 at primary school, people would tell this joke:
What show is Dec allergic to?
What is the fruit that is green on the outside and red with black seeds on the inside, the name start with an H
A chemist plants a seed
He takes good care of it every day. He waters it and fertilizes the soil around it. As it becomes a big and healthy tree, the chemist thinks to himself: What a good chemist-tree.
Today I don't have a dad joke for you. I have a dad fact. Did you know humans eat more seeds than birds?
It's true! When was the last time you ate a bird?
I think I bought defective bird seed.
A Bavarian guy walks into a restaurant that only serves seed-based foods...
...and you know what, the germinate!
Putting a seed in your body may sound disgusting at first,
I bought some bird seed today
I wonder what kind of birds they will grow into.
I feel really bad for cucumber seeds...
If they're unlucky, they could really get themselves in a pickle.
I bought a bag of bird seed and I'm SO disappointed...
Not a single bird grew after I planted it.
I made this crazy paste out of sesame seeds, it was so good I nearly ate all of it
Don’t worry I still have a tahini bit left
Why did the seed follow a German seven
Because he wanted to germinate!
Have you heard about that sauce made by a guy who plants seeds outside Stockholm?
He’s calling it Sweden Sower Sauce
I was brewing my first batch of beer with a friend and he told me to add the seed cones that are used primarily as a bittering, flavoring, and stability agents.
Put your seeds in the bag!
I needed to add some grass seeds to my lawn. The only thing I could find to keep the seeds out of my flower bed was some ceramic bunnies my wife had, so I used those as a barrier.
Please don’t make fun of my re-seeding hare line.
I never really cared for gardening, but after planting a few seeds..
A Dad joke planted as a seed, which took 17 years to flower.
Not quite as tragic, but it manifested into something which has haunted me at my job for years.
When I was a little kid learning about the world around me, my dad was naturally the font of all knowledge for me, He would answer all of little snippersmith's questions with his own unique insights and anecdotes teaching me of my surroundings with varying degrees of accuracy.
One day In a picture book, I encountered a photo of one of natures most bizarre creatures, the mighty duck billed platypus. Filled with curiosity of this bizarre creature and an Inability to read a young snippersmith asked his father what this creature was called, To which his father replied,
That's a Quackopotamous.....
As is a highly likely situation in day to day life the Platypus (or indeed the Quackopotamous), did not come into conversation for another 17 years, Until of course the Platypus came into conversation around the lunch table at a now grown up snippersmith's full time place of work.
I have not been allowed to forget I thought the Platypus was called a Quackopotamous, Indeed I am reminded on a daily basis by my colleagues, by my nickname Quackopotamous .
EDIT 1: Holy Cow this took off! Gold! thank you so much.
An edible pale green seed of an Asian tree is very very angry with you for calling him a nut.
When the teacher asked where the apple's seeds are located, little Johnny said "the center."
She said, "that's almost core-rect."
So a man walked up to me and placed some soil, plant seeds and fertilizer on my head.
It was annoying at first, but I think it grew on me!
My kids asked me why sesame seeds are on burger buns.
“Well actually, sesame seeds were the ingredient that made hamburgers popular. Yup. Sesame seeds were the secret to success... ever since then, they’ve been on a roll.”
Did you hear about the pumpkin seeds that were drilled out, and then left alone with nothing to entertain them?
They were bored out of their gourd.
Crabgrass in my lawn is always fighting to prevent good grass seed from rooting...
Guess you could say I'm caught in the middle of a turf war
My chickens can’t eat the new seed I got for them.
Bonus question from my math test in 4th grade: What did the seed say when it grew up?
I was originally opposed to the idea of planting a seed on my back
But it's really grown on me
When you get into an argument about seeds and nuts " I'll cashew outside how bout dah"
The carat, a unit of mass for gemstones, and a measurement of purity for gold, takes its name from the Greek word for a carob seed from the Legume family.
No wonder they are called the Pirates of the Carob Bean.
Out of all the melons, my favorite is the big green one which is all red inside and riddled with seeds.
I've been germinating Sycamore and Milkweed seeds for about a month or so for bio class and today we had to present a powerpoint about it and i just had to take the opportunity.
After preparing my garden today, I realized my bag of seeds was eaten by squirrels.
Seedless to say, I won't be planting anything tomorrow.
What did the Mexican optometrist say when she found an opium seed in her patient's retina?
What did one cucumber seed say to the other?
We're in a bit of a pickle!
What did one cucumber seed say to the other cucumber seed?
"Damn! We're in a pickle."