A cucumber seed was arrested for something he didn't do.

Needless to say, he is in a bit of a pickle

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ordinary_shiba
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08
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I thought I heard news of a country making money out of soft pear-shaped fruits with sweet dark flesh and many small seeds...

But I guess it was a fig mint of my imagination.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 27
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My friend told me that eagles eat small insects and seeds

I said β€œthat’s bushtit!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Greenyboi225
πŸ“…︎ May 11
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What do you call a cocoa seed that is late for work ?

Choco-late

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πŸ‘€︎ u/strange-man-15
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27
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Two sesame seeds have escaped prison and are believed to be hiding out on top of some bread.

Police have described the fugitives as being 'on the bun'.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pudenator
πŸ“…︎ May 21
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I went to the hardware store with a friend and the store had pallets of soil, seed, and fertilizer out front. We both stopped and looked at one of the pallets stacked high with bags of dried steer manure. The sign said, "Strict limit 2 per customer."

My friend looked at me and said, "I guess there's only so much shit you can take."

True story.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ObiWanKaDaddy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29
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Where does a cardiologist grow seeds from?

POTS

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lawsonator85
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12
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Bird seed costs $25. Some people think it's expensive.

But I think it's cheep cheep cheep

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πŸ‘€︎ u/peterburk
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20
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I'm allergic to sesame seeds, so back in Year 3 at primary school, people would tell this joke:

What show is Dec allergic to?

Sesame Street!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DecIsMuchJuvenile
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04
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What is the fruit that is green on the outside and red with black seeds on the inside, the name start with an H

Half a watermelon

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 06
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A chemist plants a seed

He takes good care of it every day. He waters it and fertilizes the soil around it. As it becomes a big and healthy tree, the chemist thinks to himself: What a good chemist-tree.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/therderper123
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
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Today I don't have a dad joke for you. I have a dad fact. Did you know humans eat more seeds than birds?

It's true! When was the last time you ate a bird?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NoMoreTerritory
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
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I think I bought defective bird seed.

No birds are growing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ciceronic
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
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A Bavarian guy walks into a restaurant that only serves seed-based foods...

...and you know what, the germinate!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThePetPsychic
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
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Putting a seed in your body may sound disgusting at first,

but it grows on you.

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
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I bought some bird seed today

I wonder what kind of birds they will grow into.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bryanBr
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2020
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I feel really bad for cucumber seeds...

If they're unlucky, they could really get themselves in a pickle.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrowsyDuck005
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2020
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I bought a bag of bird seed and I'm SO disappointed...

Not a single bird grew after I planted it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2020
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I made this crazy paste out of sesame seeds, it was so good I nearly ate all of it

Don’t worry I still have a tahini bit left

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πŸ‘€︎ u/glowcoma
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
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Why did the seed follow a German seven

Because he wanted to germinate!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CryptoReaper5
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2020
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Have you heard about that sauce made by a guy who plants seeds outside Stockholm?

He’s calling it Sweden Sower Sauce

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DarkDragon1025
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2020
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I was brewing my first batch of beer with a friend and he told me to add the seed cones that are used primarily as a bittering, flavoring, and stability agents.

I hopped to it!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2020
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Put your seeds in the bag!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/monguloids
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
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I needed to add some grass seeds to my lawn. The only thing I could find to keep the seeds out of my flower bed was some ceramic bunnies my wife had, so I used those as a barrier.

Please don’t make fun of my re-seeding hare line.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/saulfineman
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2020
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I never really cared for gardening, but after planting a few seeds..

It grew on me

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kashindabank
πŸ“…︎ Feb 29 2020
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A Dad joke planted as a seed, which took 17 years to flower.

Not quite as tragic, but it manifested into something which has haunted me at my job for years.

When I was a little kid learning about the world around me, my dad was naturally the font of all knowledge for me, He would answer all of little snippersmith's questions with his own unique insights and anecdotes teaching me of my surroundings with varying degrees of accuracy.

One day In a picture book, I encountered a photo of one of natures most bizarre creatures, the mighty duck billed platypus. Filled with curiosity of this bizarre creature and an Inability to read a young snippersmith asked his father what this creature was called, To which his father replied,

That's a Quackopotamous.....

As is a highly likely situation in day to day life the Platypus (or indeed the Quackopotamous), did not come into conversation for another 17 years, Until of course the Platypus came into conversation around the lunch table at a now grown up snippersmith's full time place of work.

I have not been allowed to forget I thought the Platypus was called a Quackopotamous, Indeed I am reminded on a daily basis by my colleagues, by my nickname Quackopotamous .

Thanks Dad.

EDIT 1: Holy Cow this took off! Gold! thank you so much.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/snippersmith
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2016
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An edible pale green seed of an Asian tree is very very angry with you for calling him a nut.

He's really pistachio

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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnblu5
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2020
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When the teacher asked where the apple's seeds are located, little Johnny said "the center."

She said, "that's almost core-rect."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2020
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So a man walked up to me and placed some soil, plant seeds and fertilizer on my head.

It was annoying at first, but I think it grew on me!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrEpicGamerMan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2019
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My kids asked me why sesame seeds are on burger buns.

I replied,

β€œWell actually, sesame seeds were the ingredient that made hamburgers popular. Yup. Sesame seeds were the secret to success... ever since then, they’ve been on a roll.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CapnFancyPants
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2019
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Did you hear about the pumpkin seeds that were drilled out, and then left alone with nothing to entertain them?

They were bored out of their gourd.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nwhaught
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
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I didn't seed that coming! v.redd.it/0kj4qcegjof11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/joshua_james_m
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2018
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Crabgrass in my lawn is always fighting to prevent good grass seed from rooting...

Guess you could say I'm caught in the middle of a turf war

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SixPhalaris
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2019
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My chickens can’t eat the new seed I got for them.

The seed is impeccable.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IAMGROOTie9
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2019
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Bonus question from my math test in 4th grade: What did the seed say when it grew up?

Geometry

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SuperSimpleSam
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2019
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I was originally opposed to the idea of planting a seed on my back

But it's really grown on me

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TerlerSwerft
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2018
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When you get into an argument about seeds and nuts " I'll cashew outside how bout dah"
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yojitsu93
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2017
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The carat, a unit of mass for gemstones, and a measurement of purity for gold, takes its name from the Greek word for a carob seed from the Legume family.

No wonder they are called the Pirates of the Carob Bean.

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2019
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Out of all the melons, my favorite is the big green one which is all red inside and riddled with seeds.

What a melon!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Apostjustforthis
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2017
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I've been germinating Sycamore and Milkweed seeds for about a month or so for bio class and today we had to present a powerpoint about it and i just had to take the opportunity.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/goldengift23
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2017
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After preparing my garden today, I realized my bag of seeds was eaten by squirrels.

Seedless to say, I won't be planting anything tomorrow.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The1hangingchad
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2018
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What did the Mexican optometrist say when she found an opium seed in her patient's retina?

Eye Poppy!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Elseebee
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2018
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What did one cucumber seed say to the other?

We're in a bit of a pickle!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CryptoReaper5
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2020
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What did one cucumber seed say to the other cucumber seed?

"Damn! We're in a pickle."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PotBuzz
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2020
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