Pulling puns out of my butt youtube.com/watch?v=nQdWC…
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MyNameIsTrue
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2016
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When it comes to decorating the Christmas tree, I've got a leg up on the competition. My cat says I passed out under the tree again, but I told her to stop pulling my leg.
πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stalnoypirat
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
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A man is out ice fishing, but not having any luck. But he sees a guy across the lake pulling out fish after fish.

So the man goes over and says β€œI’ve been watching you catch so many fish today, but I’m getting nothing. What’s your secret?”

The other man says β€œMffffmmm mmmm mfffmmmm mmmmm”

The first man says β€œWhat?”

The other man spits something into his hand and says β€œI said, you gotta keep your worms warm!”

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/02K30C1
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
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Wife walked in to the bedroom as I was pulling off my Boxers...

...she said "you love those dogs more than me".

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tardiusmaximus
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
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The other day I was on the dock talking to two of my neighbors… One of them had a cooler full of beers and snacks… Pulling out a beer pops the top and opening a bag of chips, he says β€œMy wife’s an angel

I said, β€œyou’re lucky – mine is still alive…”

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hayeshilton
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
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I was redoing the fence the other day, pulling all the 4x4s out and putting new ones in...

Sorry, just realized this was a repost.

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
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I couldn't undo the buttons on my jumper, so I tried pulling it over my head but got it stuck.

I'm in the hospital now waiting to see a cardyologist.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
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A man goes to the doctor, and says "doctor, I havent been peeing correctly and its painful". The doctor replies "I will have to perform a prostate exam." As the doctor examines the man, he pulls out an $100 bill out of his bottom. This continues, he keeps pulling out money from this man's bottom.

After about half an hour the doctor says..."You won't believe this, but i just pulled $1999 out of your bottom"

The man turns around and says "Yeah, I wasn't feeling 2 grand"

πŸ‘︎ 67
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πŸ‘€︎ u/domheffo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2020
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I am pulling my hair out to think of that R & B singer who opens doors

Alopecia Keys

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Goldygold2
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
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I was pulling my trailer over a steep hill and just as I started going downhill the trailer passed me and crashed at the bottom of the hill.

I guess it went down without a hitch

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/flippantteacup
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
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I started pulling the "Hi hungry, I'm dad" routine with my two-year-old. A couple days in, I asked her if she was hungry.

She just laughs and says, "Silly Daddy, I'm not hungry, I'm Nona." I didn't expect to be a grandfather so soon...

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheMasonX
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2019
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My son is the best ever at pulling the car aside a curb in line with other vehicles...

His parking is unparalleled!

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
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If lightning struck the engine of a train pulling 50 cars, would someone riding the caboose get shocked?

Only if he’s a good conductor.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BargleFlargen
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2020
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In the Disney animated picture, Ratatouille, Remy controls Linguini actions by pulling his hair, giving him a perfect palette. The little chef’s squeak is the only other voice Linguini ever really hears at home.

I guess you could say Remy is Linguini’s voice of season

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2020
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I recently tried on some new shoes and I told the salesman they felt a bit snug. He told me to try pulling the tongue.

β€œOK,” I said, β€œbuth I don’th know how thith will helpth”

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mlucasr
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Asked gravity if it would be my wing man last night. Alas, it kept pulling
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GabrielsCake
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2019
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"Help! There's a mysterous force pulling me into the floor!"

Wife: "Please get up off the floor and stop embarrassing yourself."

Dad: "Honey, do you not understand the gravity of this situation?!"

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LiamsNiecesSon
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2018
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The DNC is pulling a 2016 all over again...

It's really gonna Bide'em in the ass

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrsKetchup
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2020
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Did you ever hear that they named Canada pulling letters out of a hat?

The person drawing them said, "C, eh? N, eh? D, eh?"

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gavinwride
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2019
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My friend is so proud that he finally got a waterbed with sliding boxes opened by pulling out and closed by pushing in...

Now he can wake up and jump straight into his drawers!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2019
🚨︎ report
My construction foreman asked me if I knew who made accurate crosscuts in a workpiece by pulling a mounted circular blade down onto a board in a quick motion...

I told him I miter saw who it was...

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2019
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Maybe he is just pulling her leg.
πŸ‘︎ 222
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2018
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I saw Mark Hamill trying to get in a store by pulling a door marked Push.

He had a confused Luke on his face.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2018
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A boy was pulling on an electric line...

Man was he shocked with the current outcome!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ALPHA-Nik21-YT
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2019
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Saw a guy pulling on this poor cow's tits in public. How dairy!
πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mub
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2018
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I won a battle against a spider by pulling off all its legs...

You could say I de-feeted-it.

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sugarfreelemonade
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2018
🚨︎ report
He is just pulling his leg.
πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2018
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It is so cold in Chicago today that teens are pulling up their own pants.
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tayloed
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2019
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While pulling into a parking lot my wife noticed a car with a reverse light out.

Our friend in the back seat was a dad for a short while. All I heard her say was "I guess only half of the car is backing up."

I'm so proud of her.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rudelyinterrupts
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2018
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If you pull a rope tighter, then you are pulling a rope tighter.

That is a tautology.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/revdj
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2019
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In a bar a man kept pulling something out of his pocket and then asking for another drink. After 2 or 3 hours of this the bartender was curious and asked what he kept looking at after each drink.

Picture of my wife man says. I'm gonna keep drinking till she starts lookin good.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/manicmoose13
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2018
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Why did the Buddha start pulling coins out of his butt?

Because change comes from within.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2018
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I don't get why people say "pulling out" is ineffective?

I found articles saying it was actually a very popular misconception.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TacoNumeroJuan
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2018
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As we were pulling out of our driveway and I was adjusting the mirrors, I said to my wife, "It's important to remember, there's side view, rear view and you know what else?"

"I loview!"

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2018
🚨︎ report
I walked up the driveway, and my dad was pulling weeds. I asked how is day was going.

"I'm getting to the root of the problem!" He says.

πŸ‘︎ 148
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thatsbologna6
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2016
🚨︎ report
Wife is driving, we're pulling through a fastfood drive through...

She asks me 'Do you have your wallet handy?'
Its in my back pocket so I reply 'Nope! It's currently ass-y.' (I then retrieve my wallet amidst being smacked around my head and shoulders)

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StretchSmiley
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2018
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I was complaining to my dad that I had forgotten my matches after pulling my cigarettes from my pocket.

He said if you take one from the box and throw it away, it will become a cigaret lighter.

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/eltegs
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2017
🚨︎ report
So we were pulling into the airport and a car speed by us....

I remarked, "Dang, He is flying"

Dad immediately pointed to a plane and said, "No he is flying"

Groans echoed from the car

πŸ‘︎ 95
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πŸ‘€︎ u/maniaca4
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2015
🚨︎ report
Pulling up to Olive Garden last night with my Dad

"There's a lot of cars out here what if there's a wait?"

"I'll lift it" - my Dad

Edit: Grammar

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zapcat16
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2017
🚨︎ report
Saw a car late last night pulling into a business for "Restaurant Accounting", wife asked what he was doing there so late.

My reply: "He must be cooking the books."

She just stared at me...

πŸ‘︎ 116
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jhp58
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2016
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Happened a few mornings ago when pulling out the drive way.

I noticed a bird on top of our trash can tweeting away. i told my wife that he was talking trash.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/llBLAZENll
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2016
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I thought pulling the shell off my racing snail would make him faster...

But it just made him more sluggish.

πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/blacksnakewhip
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2015
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[NOT A JOKE] Does anyone else get extremely judgmental looks when pulling off a dadjoke in public?

I don't mind when I get these looks amongst close friends and family, but man, does it burn when it's from someone you don't know. I feel like I'm in the extreme minority that would actually laugh out loud if someone I'd just met/didn't know pulled one of these dadjokes in public. I feel like I'd immediately befriend that person, but my experience so far has been looks where it seems people just go, "Yeah... definitely not talking to that guy."

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/claytondufresne
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2014
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We were pulling a trailer and it looked like rain. He put a tarp over our cargo, and...

Husband: "I really hope that tarp stays attached. I'm kinda worried because it's frayed."

Me: "What's it 'fraid of?"

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shanki_sharksugar
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2014
🚨︎ report
Did you hear how the named Canada? Someone was pulling letters out of a hat...

"C, eh? N, eh? D, eh?

πŸ‘︎ 976
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hornwalker
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2015
🚨︎ report

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