my first good pun...made at 1 in the morning

WHAT DO YOU SAY IN FRANCE IF YOUR JEANS ARE LOOSE ?

TOULOUSE

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tanya2004
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2021
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My wife caught me drinking brake fluid this morning. She told me that wasn't good for me.

I told her it's okay, I can stop anytime.

Credit to @meetbuford on TikTok for this.

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2020
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Good Morning!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/orlanthi
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2020
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Good morning Anne!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/orlanthi
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2020
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Good Morning!! Hot news coming in but before that let’s look at
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nikintp
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2020
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Good morning, Cap'n!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GreenGamer7
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2019
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How do bugs say good morning?

G'day mite

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HatsuneJimbo
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2019
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"Good morning, Beautiful! I'm only wearing two pieces of my three piece suit today."

My wife looked up at me, "And...?"

"I guess I'm sorry for not telling you that you married a sans-vest-ite."

She stared blankly at me and then rolled her eyes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MightyBobBarker
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2018
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How do you say good morning to a German bread?

Gluten tag

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Saazkwat
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2019
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My wife hit me with a good joke this morning

She told me that she’s a woman. She has ovaries. And maybe that’s why she ovary acts.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lil_Ninja94
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2019
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β€œGood morning,” the new plant said to the florist! The florist replied,

β€œHey bud.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thesoupsocialist
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2019
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Good morning messages

Good morning messages are a good example of

Make hey while the sun shines

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πŸ‘€︎ u/apoorvaShrini
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2019
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Good morning Asia!

Rice and shrine everyone!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lum1nar
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2019
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Good Morning Dad

Me: Morning, What's up?

Dad: WE ARE! HAHAH

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πŸ‘€︎ u/W0000SHH
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2014
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Which state in the US has people saying good morning all the time?

Ohio.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/YuHaoLevi
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2019
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Good morning Everyone! imgur.com/jkQnDxP
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jesuiswael
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2014
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The Boss came into the office yesterday and said, good morning everyone and have a great day.

So we all went out to the bar !

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πŸ‘€︎ u/manicmoose13
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2019
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Good Morning Reddit!

How’s everyone been? I haven’t heard from you all year!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DadBodDeadpool
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2019
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I have to host an early morning staff meeting tomorrow, does anyone have any good openers for an early morning meeting to break the ice?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Famoustitles
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2018
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Got my husband good this morning

He told me we needed to clean out the toaster because "it was smoking."

I gasped - "It's not 18 yet!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GEEKitty
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2014
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My wife dadjoked me good this morning

Dealing with a potentially sick four month old, trying to decide if he's got a cold or allergies.

Me: "Has his snot been clear or colored?"
Wife: "It hasn't been colored."
Me: "Well that's good, it's probably just allergies, then."
Wife: "Yeah, I guess you could say we're... in the clear."

I just looked at her in shock as she gave me the smuggest grin and a thumbs up.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThePaisleyKid
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2014
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Got my wife good this morning.

I'm making hash browns and she says "we need to get a griddle".

My response, "yeah, maybe we can get a Hansell to go with it".

I may be sleeping on the couch tonight gents. Worth it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chaingunXD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2015
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Son got me good yesterday morning

Yesterday morning at 10am my kids came to wake me up for family day. I'd worked late the night before and I was pretty groggy and completely dehydrated.

Son: "Time to get up dad!"

Me: "I'll get up, but could you go grab my water bottle and put some cold water in it?"

(2 minutes pass while his sister jumps on my head)

Son (with special grin on his face): "Here you go, Dad."

(I take the bottle and cautiously take a sip. I get a little dribble of water and realize the whole thing is full of ice.)

Me: ...

Son: You asked for cold water, you didn't specify how cold.

Me: ...that's my boy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/quackdamnyou
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2016
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Pulled a good one on my girlfriend this morning

I woke up to my nose randomly bleeding; it's done that erratically for years now. As I went to grab some tissue, my girlfriend woke up and said "Oh, you've got a bloody nose!" to which I responded "Of course I do - there's no need to swear about it!" Groaning ensued.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pants_de_Amor
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2015
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An old man got me good this morning at work

I work as a cashier and was ringing up an older gentleman's items for him.

Me: It's $8.30 sir.

Him: (looks up from his wallet and smiles) No it's only 8:01

I stared at him and giggled like a kid when I realized what happened. Made my day.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/StarscreamKills
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2015
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Got my girlfriend good this morning

We're laying in bed and my hand finds her boob. Her- Why are you always grabbing my boobs? Me- I'm just being supportive.

She rolled her eyes so hard while I died of laughter

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zergalergaderg
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2016
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Good Morning dadjoke

My dad used to wake me up by standing beside my bed and repeatedly saying, "Up and atom (at 'em). Up and proton. Up and electron. Up and molecule." Now he still does it when I'm home from college, and as I get harder to rouse, more subatomic particles.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AirAdmiral
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2014
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My 3-year-old got me good this morning.

He was going in to give his baby sister a kiss, but they've both been sick lately, so I said "Just on the forehead, buddy," to which he responded, "No, one head."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pretzelzetzel
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2014
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WaterInTheForrest
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2011
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My Dad had a good one this morning.

Mom: I'm gonna go take a shower. Dad: Where are you taking it to?

I can't believe I hadn't heard that one before...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gedunk
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2014
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Made a good one while dropping the kids off at daycare this morning

My wife and I are driving down the pothole-filled road to our daycare, which is in a church.

As we pull up, I say, "It's fitting that daycare is in a church, because this is a really holy road."

The resulting groan was proof that I have made it as a dad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/itsamamaluigi
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2015
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I got my campers good this morning...

I run a summer day camp for about 130 campers each day. This morning I woke up to a thunderstorm, and as a camp director, that meant all schedules and activities are out the window and something different had to be done.

I greeted all the campers at the morning assembly and said, "Looks like the rain has put a "damp"---er on things!"

It was met with resounding groans from the staff and older kids and a great giggle from the younger campers.

I was soooo proud!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/appgrad22
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2015
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GF got me good this morning

We both got off shift in the am and we're hanging out and being cute when this transpired.

Me: I love you. Her: I hope so. Me: I wouldn't be here if I didn't. Her: Yeah you would, it's your house.

We both laugh. More so me to the point that she asked me if I'm okay.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hooks_And_Needles
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2015
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My mom snuck a good one in this morning.

I walk out to the car on the way to work, forgot my keys, so I run back inside. Mom looks up and asks what I forgot. I said, 'keys!' As I hurry past her in the kitchen. Without skipping a beat she replies " well you know those are a KEY factor in getting to work?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/drLeoSpacceman
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2015
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Little one got me good this morning

me: "Well, you should give it another chance. Halibut is really good!"

her: "I might just try that, you know, for the Halibut!"

So it begins.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MorganFreeman4
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2014
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Good Morning

Happy Martin Luther King Day, Junior!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bundleofschtick
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2015
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Dad joked my roommate good this morning.

While I was eating breakfast my roommate came out and asked, "Can I use your hair dryer? Mine sucks."

To which I, of course, have to respond, "Shouldn't it blow?"

She only rolled her eyes and walked away. I think this might have something to do with why she avoids me in public places.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/whathedoesntknow
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2014
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My uncle told a pretty good dad joke this morning

We were having breakfast and after stirring his coffee he kept the spoon in his mug so it was leaning on the rim. Then he says "This coffee must not be very strong, it can't even hold the spoon upright!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sole_purpose1991
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2013
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Good Morning

So I was sleeping on a air mattress on a hand made bed made out of wood. (Camping with hunting buddies) When I woke the air mattress has deflated. Dad: Good morning how did you sleep? Me: I feel like I slept on wood all night. Dad: I did to then I rolled over. Every one in the cabin moans except for one chuckle

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The-Voices
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2014
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Dad got my mom pretty good this morning

Mom was in a hurry and said "Wow that was the fastest egg I ever ate."

Dad: "The fastest?! Good thing you caught it!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/looneytunes2
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2014
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Had A Good One in the Shower This Morning

So I was in the shower with my girlfriend this morning, and I have one of those Moxie Bluetooth showerheads so I can stream music from my phone to my shower.

At different points during the song, I was (gently) playing the cowbell part on her butt, cymbals on her stomach, etc.

During the guitar solo, I picked up some of her wet hair and began strumming the notes along with the song. She gave me a nasty glare.

And then, it hit me.

"Sorry babe. I just can't help playing HAIR guitar during this song!"

The look she gave me....

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πŸ‘€︎ u/flyingbear24
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2014
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