How do you rob a fruit stall?

... with a FRUIT PUNCH

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πŸ‘€︎ u/redundantgene
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2021
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A guy goes for a drive and his car stalls...

...right in front of a house where there’s a huge party going on. He walks in and notices that the party is somewhat divided. There’s a clear distinction between the people waiting for the bathroom and the people queued up for drinks, etc.

Considering the urgency of the bathroom queue, he walks over to the drinks table and asks everyone there if they wouldn’t mind helping him push his car to get it started. They agree but even with the full might of several people, the car doesn’t budge. He thanks them for trying and they all head back inside.

A little while later, the doorbell rings. The man sees the host open the door to the largest pizza guy he’s ever seen. The behemoth is holding 15 pizzas with one hand, a pallet of buffalo wings with the other, with a keg strapped to each shoulder. The man jumps up and asks the pizza guy for his help pushing the car. He agrees and they head to the street.

With barely one touch of a pinky on one hand, the car lurches forward and starts right up. The man drives off, waving behind him and yelling a quick, β€œThank you.”

As he catches sight of the party fading into the distance, he says to himself...

β€œThank goodness for the delivery because that punch line sure is weak.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/silashoulder
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
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The first time I saw her, at her honey stall at the farmers market, I knew right away...

...she was a keeper.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hover-lovecraft
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
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Why are the horse stalls at a racetrack labelled A, B, D, E, and F?

Because no one would bet on a seahorse.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cyclopropagative
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2020
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What did the horse say to the horse in the stall beside him?

β€œHay Neigh-bor!”

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2020
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You know what makes cents? Bathroom stall vending machines.

Everybody loves John Candy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PotBuzz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2020
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What I see in a campground restroom stall
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πŸ‘€︎ u/anfocalscoir
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2019
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toilet stall
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ya_Boy_Lil_Pickle
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2019
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Mac and cheese stall in London with a punny name
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ryman72
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2018
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The doctors have moved me from a private room, to a stall with hay and water.

They are trying to stable-ize me.

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2018
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Writing on the bathroom stall...

Here I sit broken-hearted. Came to poop but only farted.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/2076baseballbat
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2017
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Guy in the stall next to me had horrible diarrhea.

I told him he needed to get his shit together.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shitty_Orangutan
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2017
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So I was changing in a stall at a track meet

when I took off my jeans and the change in my pocket went all over the floor. So guy from another team in the stall next to me than responded with

"oh are you have trouble with the change ?"

We both had ourselves a good chuckle

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πŸ‘€︎ u/abujad
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2015
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Just remembered being at a Goan fish curry stall once...

it was at a festival.

Me: Are you going to try the curry?

Friend: Not sure.

Me: Ah, go on [goan].

Then later, we were talking abotuthe curries again at the end of the day.

Friend: What's this about the curry people?

Friend: Are they goan?

Me: No, I think they're here for the duration.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JEZTURNER
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2014
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The price of balloons have me stalling on purchasing more.

That price of inflation is something else!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/elizabeth498
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2021
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My mechanic tells me my engine keeps stalling because of excess friction.

Now I know I'm getting some wear.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DavideoandPhoto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
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A man was very nervous just before his vasectomy...

...so to stall, he asked the doctor if he preferred to start with the left testicle or the right, to which the doctor replied, I don’t think there’s a vas deferens.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bigboozer69
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2021
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I accidentally swallowed a bunch of Scrabble tiles.

My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Konamicoder
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2020
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I was gonna make this joke, but I stalled too much.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/QuadleQ
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2018
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What does my six year old and an old British car have in common?

They both love to stall when you need to go somewhere.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/heyitsryan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
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Stalling car.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/deathmangos
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2015
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Toilet joke

What do u call a cushion on the toilet seat?

A stool softener

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrwizit
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2020
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My friend tried to delay the inevitable by locking himself in a public bathroom...

He stalled for time.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
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My "bathroom humor" comedy routine was a failure ...

I couldn't get a single laugh from the guys in the other urinal stalls.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DreadMoor
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2020
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I am honored to have been elected the next president of the ...

Stalling Society of ...

of ...

of ...

of ...

of ...

America.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jawn317
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
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A couple were interested in buying a haunted house.

The owner took them around the ground floor and everything looked perfect, even more so for the low price. The couple were suspicious that they saw no sign of anything supernatural, yet. The owner was pleasant and a little excited when showing them the house, until they got to the stairs. The woman stopped and looked incredibly uncomfortable as she stalled for time. Growing impatient, the couple asked her:

"What's upstairs?"

"Not much, what's up with you?" replied the stairs.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Goaheadidareyou
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2020
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Sometimes I go to the bathroom at work to avoid responsibilities

I like to say I'm stalling

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ScoDubs
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2019
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The Blitz of Puns

It really grinds my gears when people say stick-shift is obsolete.

Most people like their music bass-boosted, but it seems like too much treble.

When an astronaut drinks tea, he takes a big space-sip.

The best electricity puns are live wires. Coppers really don’t know how to resist these in a coil. If you make enough of this type of pun you can really blow their fuses. You need to be smart about how you conduct these so you don’t overload your capacitors.

The only kind of rap I like is the wrapping paper on gifts.

Scissors always cut to the point.

Airplane puns always fly overhead. You have to be careful so you don’t stall out. Always use better judgement so you nose how to dive. When used correctly, this pun classification can really propel to infinity and beyond. However, if misused, the fall from grace is full of turbulence.

When working with electricity puns always make sure to be grounded to prevent shocking results.

Mr. Tea says, ”Don’t be a fool, stay in school!”

i c e i c e w a t e r

Architecture is an aspiring career path.

β€˜Pun’ puns don’t add up. The are starting to get negative receptions.

I’ll do algebra. I’ll even do calculus. But graphing is where I draw the line.

Plants should always rooted in the ground.

Never argue with people when they are right or nobody will be left hanging out with you.

Rocks make boulder moves. This means they are pelite and not jagged. Don’t take these puns for granite.

Cheese puns are grate because you don’t have to ask for parmesan to use them.

Eskimos have cold personality. It is an ice society, but some of their history chills my spine.

My dog died a few years ago. It was really ruff.

I am not a fan of wind turbines.

Life is like driftwood. You never know where you will float.

Christmas lights stick together. When one goes out, they all do.

Puns about communism are only funny if everyone gets them.

Rocket scientists cannot fuel around or something bad can happen.

A baker is someone who kneads to make baked goods.

I sometimes wear stripes to avoid being spotted.

Sponges are great at absorbing liquids.

Contrary to the name, relationships have nothing to do with boats.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zmanofdoom95
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2019
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I dad joked myself accidentally yesterday

Sitting on the toilet at work. I finished the transaction and after wiping once, I was surprised that it was a ghost wipe.

I looked at the paper and thought to myself "No shit".

Bert stared at the stall door.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JackFunk
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2019
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Why are pilots afraid of public toilets?

They don’t want to go into a bad stall!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/G200Sleepr
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2019
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While at work, I frequently go to the public restroom in my building to avoid doing my job...

you could say it's a stalling tactic.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vladipus222
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2019
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Not mine, but from Colin Mochrie in Whose Line Is It Anyway

β€œFamous Playboy Hugh Hefner managed to successfully stop an order of monks from operating a business on his property. The police forced the friars to close down their stall, which was outside the Playboy mansion where they had been selling flowers. Said one friar, well, if it was anyone else we may have gotten away from it, but, unfortunately, only Hugh can prevent florist friars.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/macrian
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2019
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Wife dadjoked me

We stopped at a dollar store to pick up a few items, and I parked in front of the store next to a handicap stall. I noticed the handicap stall was the same width as a regular parking stall, to which I remarked, "That's not really a convenient parking stall as there's no space for the handicap person to maneuver." My wife replied, "Ya, that's not very handy!"

Visual reference http://i.imgur.com/hM8a1kP.jpg

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πŸ‘€︎ u/aamir64
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2016
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National guard dad joke

My unit had a drill weekend and we were in the woods with only open toilets (no walls or stalls, just three toilet seats next to either.) After the second day one of the officers asked, "Is there a private shiter around here?" I responded with, "I haven't seen him but I'll look for him."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/desertsmowman
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2014
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My girlfriend was taking her time in the public restroom

You might even say she was stalling.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jonblaze32
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2017
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My son the aspiring dad

My boyfriend wanted a protein shake and was asked me to make one. I was stalling a little bit and my son piped in "You gotta scare her first" we said what? "That's how you make a shake". I was laughing and so my son decided to keep going. He said "How do you make a napkin dance?" "You put a lil boogie in it" at that point I groaned. My boyfriend said "Quit while you are ahead" my son replied "But I'm a body"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mechchic84
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2015
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Dadjokes in the bathroom

When I walk into a bathroom and all the stalls are occupied, I make sure to say out loud "Full house beats a flush!"

If I'm lucky I can get a muted chuckle from one of the stalls.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/avelertimetr
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2014
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Punny names of Dark Souls 3 bosses.

For reference: Link to wiki

Some of these are done in a kind of "news headline"-style:

  • Choir leader fired after using too much sexual innuendo; "Lewd Ex Cantor."

  • Video on demand about a street where nothing happens; "Vod of the Boring Alley."

  • Man's brutal cousin turns out to be a great bloke; "Raw-Ted, Great Dude".

  • Panic spreads as toilet facilities take over the world; "Cry! Stall-Age."

  • A man orders a book of basic letters to look after his daughters belongings while he looks after the others; "ABC, Watch Her's!".

  • Sams brother cheats a dude; "Dean Cons the Peep."

  • A ride in the amusement park offers a wide range of emotions; "High! Low! Woo! Nah."

  • A weird and hard to describe new dessert; "Cold Lemon Thing."

  • A new star in stand up rises! Come see "Puntiff Sulyvahn."

  • Pirates start eating fava beans and a new drink is required; "Yo! Ho! The Chianti!."

  • A Long lived man has an unusual apetite for fish; "Old-Rick, Devourer of Cods".

  • In Bacteria-Town, a devastating disease strikes one inhabitant working at a hotel; "Cancer of the Borrelia Valet".

  • Roman god Cubid is ordered to take a woman to cave and kill her; "Drag and Slay Her Amor"

  • Osiris's statue has been in way too many marriages and people have started to call it; "Osiris the Consummated Thing."

  • The choir leader from before is transformed into a mushroom; "Champignon Cantor"

  • An english man becomes the leader of a Polish airplane company and gets nicknamed; "LOT-Rick"

  • An impatient tree person attacks a random mythical hunter; "Antsy Ent! Why Hern?!"

  • Horse named Elvis keeps making noise and a man shouts;"Neigh Less King!"

  • A child opens a chocolate egg and a white spirit jumps out; "Soul of Kinder"

Sorry about the possible typos.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dralnu22
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2016
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Dad got me in public with this one

We stopped by a stall selling paintings, tshirts, watches and all sorts of cheap tat but they all had pictures of Jesus printed on them.

I asked my Dad "what's with all the Jesus stuff?"

He replied "God knows" and let out a giggle

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2017
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What does a plumber, that is paid by the hour, do to get more money?

they stall

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Afkor
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2016
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Do you know why the horse stalls at a racetrack are labelled A, B, D, E, and F?

Because no one would bet on a seahorse.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stretch85
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2016
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