What is the difference between a stopwatch and a man named Vladimir?

One takes its time while the other one is Russian

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheCHZY
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2019
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Why was the stopwatch behind when it left the buffet?

It kept going back four seconds.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mini_Mega
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2019
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Why couldn't the broken stopwatch tell a good joke?

His timing was always off!

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Evoconian
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2018
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When the finish line referee pulled out a second stopwatch, I left the race.

No way I trust that two timer.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2018
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How do you make any watch a stopwatch?

Don't wind it.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fine-rusty-knife
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2016
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I just bought a bed that was advertised as making you fall asleep in under 5 minutes. It didn't work.

I guess it's a bunk bed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JEJoll
πŸ“…︎ May 13
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Stopwatches are useful for a short time.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2018
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Kids, little bit of a lesson for you. Time flies like an arrow.

And fruit flies like a banana.

πŸ‘︎ 697
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SirMalcolmK
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2019
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FWD: Fwd: FWD FWD: Fwd: Emails from Dad

MAN LAWS

The International Rules of Manhood

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:

(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.

(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.

(c) After wrecking your boss' car.

(d) When she is using her teeth.

3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.

4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CampConcentration
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2014
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