π︎ 5
π
︎ Apr 18 2017
Joe Biden and Kamala Harris go out for a morning run together
Kamala finishes in just under twelve minutes and Joe is already waiting for her at the finish line.
"How'd you do?" she asks him.
"I finished in 10 minutes and 46 seconds. That's got to be a new record among Presidents, right?"
"No" Kamala replies. "Bush did 9:11".
π︎ 28
π
︎ Jan 25 2021
The campaign to elect Kamala Harris as Vice President
...was the most ex-pence-ive in history.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jan 22 2021
Rick Harris hooked up with this girl using his brother Neil's pick-up line...
The questions is, will Neil Patrick Harris on the back?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Aug 20 2020
Kamala Harris must be feeling blue
π︎ 11
π
︎ Dec 04 2019
Harris Teeter yβall
π︎ 8
π
︎ Sep 29 2019
Dolly Parton has just bought Harris Teeters and Piggly Wiggly, and is merging the two.
She will be renaming it to βBig Wiggly Teetersβ
π︎ 5
π
︎ Apr 20 2019
Did you know Rolf Harris was a talented violinist as a child?
Yeah, he was a mean kiddie fiddler.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Sep 04 2018
Dolly Parton just bought 3 companies: Big Lots, Piggly Wiggly, and Harris Teeter.
She's going to consolidate them into one company called "Big Wiggly Teeters."
π︎ 14
π
︎ Jun 10 2017
Berty Harry.
π︎ 43
π
︎ Feb 20 2021
Oprah did a big interview with Harry and Meghan on CBS, which makes sense because when I turned it on
Boy did I C BS.
-Bill Maher
π︎ 4
π
︎ Mar 14 2021
Dirty Harry.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Feb 19 2021
What deodorant does Harry Potter wear?
Ex-smelly-arMpits
As inspired by a three year old who couldn't say Expelliarmus - the charm that makes whatever your opponents holding fly out of their hand - usually their wand.
π︎ 38
π
︎ Feb 11 2021
What do you get when you watch ' you've got mail", " steel magnolias", and " when Harry met sally"?
π︎ 3
π
︎ Feb 25 2021
Harry Potter canβt tell the difference between his potionsβ pot and his best mate
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jan 27 2021
All the Harry Potter movies should have been rated R.
π︎ 40
π
︎ Feb 02 2021
Just watched all the Harry Potter movies back to back with a friend
Stupid, really, because it meant I couldn't see the TV
π︎ 10k
π
︎ Jul 29 2020
How does harry potter get down a hill?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jan 20 2021
I think Harry would like an order of wings right about now...
π︎ 459
π
︎ Oct 25 2020
This guy told me he was Harry Potterβs godfather. I thought he was messing with me.
He told me he was Sirius.
π︎ 17
π
︎ Dec 19 2020
What's Harry Potter's author's favorite way of getting down a hill? Walking.
π︎ 10
π
︎ Dec 24 2020
What do you call a snake that works for the government?
π︎ 590
π
︎ Jan 03 2021
It wouldβve been really dark if, when Snape was dying, Harry had said βnow youβre really the half-blood princeβ.
Because he only had half his blood left
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jan 01 2021
What does Harry Truman call cats?
Weapons of mouse destruction.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Dec 06 2020
Bought some discounted Harry Potter DVDs...
π︎ 12
π
︎ Sep 19 2020
A harry potter joke.
Student: Ah Sh*t, I used the wrong ingredients...
Horace Slughorn: *gasp* do not use such vial language in this classroom!!
π︎ 5
π
︎ Nov 04 2020
I taught my kid to speed read today. He read Harry Potter and the Philosophers Stone in 3 hours!
I know its only 6 words.. but its a start!
π︎ 66
π
︎ Sep 22 2020
Have you seen where Harry Potterβs magical wand was made? If you look closely, it says:
π︎ 4
π
︎ Nov 28 2020
Harry Potter
π︎ 15
π
︎ Sep 15 2020
Harry Potter could be a great mafia boss
He always catches the snitch
π︎ 1k
π
︎ May 09 2020
I found the first four Harry Potter books to be quite light hearted.
The fifth one was dead sirius.
π︎ 10k
π
︎ Nov 08 2019
What Ernest Hemingway novel sees Harry Morgan lose an arm?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Oct 28 2020
Harry Potter
π︎ 15
π
︎ Aug 12 2020
Harry Houdini was allergic to the metal they used to make handcuffs...
Every time they put a pair on him, he'd break out.
π︎ 57
π
︎ Aug 12 2020
How does Harry Potter makeout with the delivery lady?
π︎ 7
π
︎ Aug 20 2020
The Harry Potter films were really good, but I think nearly headless Nick was poorly executed
π︎ 108
π
︎ May 29 2020
How does Harry Potter go down a hill?
π︎ 18
π
︎ Aug 09 2020
Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy were fighting once when Draco decided to curse Harry with a Hair Growing Spell that grows hair instantly. Ron passed by and said:
π︎ 7
π
︎ Aug 12 2020
What is Harry Potters favorite search engine
π︎ 2
π
︎ Aug 26 2020
When asked where his two new brooms were from, Harry Potter replied:
From the bargain store down on Diagon Alley, they were a Quidditch.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jul 18 2020
π︎ 14
π
︎ Jul 29 2020
Why canβt Harry Potter tell the difference between his cooking pot and his best mate?
π︎ 315
π
︎ Nov 01 2020
How did Harry Potter get down the hill?
By walking!.... JK ROLLING!
π︎ 15
π
︎ Jan 15 2021
Harry Potter can't tell the difference between his cooking pot and his best mate.
π︎ 15
π
︎ Nov 17 2020
What is Harry Potter's favorite way to get down a hill?
π︎ 11
π
︎ Nov 02 2020
How did Harry Potter get down the hill?
π︎ 26
π
︎ Oct 05 2020
I found the first four Harry Potter books to be quite light hearted.
But the fifth oneβ dead Sirius.
π︎ 45
π
︎ Jul 26 2020
How does Harry Potter like to get to the bottom of a hill? Walking
π︎ 12
π
︎ Aug 10 2020
Why couldn't Harry Potter tell the difference between his cookpot and his best friend?
π︎ 23
π
︎ Jun 23 2020
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
