My friend Robert is a lawyer who specializes in helping convicted people by getting their records erased permanently. Everyone calls him...
π︎ 14
π
︎ Dec 23 2020
Why does Robert Plant never spend any money at snack machines?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Aug 27 2020
Robert E. Lee once said: "I like whiskey. I always did. And that is why I never drink it."
But that's just generally speaking.
π︎ 31
π
︎ Apr 20 2020
My friend Robert was going on and on about how great it is to cook food on a stick.
So I just said, βK, Bob.β
π︎ 8
π
︎ May 19 2020
Robert Wadlow is such an inspiring individual
Everybody looked up to him
π︎ 3
π
︎ Apr 17 2020
Robert E. Lee's stroke was so bad...
...that some people claimed it left him speechless.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Mar 08 2020
I was in the Apple store the other day and the sales assistant Robert, approached me and asked would I like to try the new iPhone. Not interested, I turned and said:
π︎ 9
π
︎ Dec 05 2019
Why is Robert Downey Jr refusing to take new roles?
π︎ 12
π
︎ Jan 30 2020
What do you think of the actor Robert Money?
Sorry, I meant Robert Dinero
π︎ 2
π
︎ Dec 12 2019
People say Robert Mugabe was an awful dictator but
I was his secretary for a short while and I understood every word.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Sep 06 2019
How do you say, "Richard and Robert retrieved a rabbit" without pronouncing the "r's?"
Dick and Bob caught a bunny.
π︎ 2k
π
︎ May 27 2016
Stranger: "Bob? Is that short for Robert?"
π︎ 97
π
︎ Jul 31 2018
If, instead of Robert Downey Jr., Matthew Broderick starred in 'Iron Man'...
... we'd be calling him 'Ferrous Bueller.'
π︎ 30
π
︎ Feb 24 2019
New York Post: "How Patriots owner Robert Craft could get off in prostitution case"
π︎ 6
π
︎ Feb 28 2019
TIL: Robert de Niro is playing the lead role in the upcoming movie about "The Lord of the Rings" trilogy.
The movie is called "You Tolkien to me?"
π︎ 53
π
︎ May 13 2018
Little Known Fact: Matthew Broderick almost beat out Robert Downey Jr for the role of Tony Stark
When Downey got the role, they had to change the movie title to Iron Man instead of Ferrous Bueller's Day Off.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Feb 26 2019
Why did Robert Kraft (owner of the New England Patriots) get a happy ending at a massage parlor in Florida???
To get his balls deflated.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Feb 22 2019
Did you hear about Robert Kraft getting arrested for solicitation?
Apparently the spa he went to had been under investigation for a year and he just happened to go there but was arrested before he could finish. I guess his lawyers will have to...get him off.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Feb 22 2019
I understand Robert Kraft is a single lonely dude...
But isnβt he wealthy enough to order Chinese takeout??
π︎ 3
π
︎ Feb 24 2019
Mum, watching Notting Hill: "Julia Roberts has such a lovely smile"
Me: "You could say it's a Mona Lisa Smile"
π︎ 3
π
︎ Dec 16 2018
Why couldn't Robert Plant pay for a gumball?
π︎ 9
π
︎ May 31 2018
Everyone asked Robert Mueller to hurry up with the investigation..
He replied, "Quit Russian me!"
π︎ 4
π
︎ Mar 18 2018
Roger Waters Robert Plant (x-post /r/pinkfloyd)
π︎ 94
π
︎ Jul 12 2015
I told my dad about Mark Roberts (the serial streaker), he asked me if I knew he was considering retirement.
Dad: "Hey you know that guy is considering retirement, right?"
Me: "Wait, really?"
Dad: "I'm serious, but he said he'd stick it out for another year."
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jun 23 2017
How did Chinese-American business man Robert Nigel Yu get free money from the bank?
When the teller asked for his name he said, "I am Rob N. Yu."
π︎ 9
π
︎ May 17 2017
Vintage pun from Robert Louis Steventon's "The Strange Case of Dr. Jeckel and Mr. Hyde", 1886.
"ΒIf he be Mr. Hyde,Β he had thought, ΒI shall be Mr. Seek.Β"
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jul 08 2016
What do you get if you put Robert De niro in the dryer?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jul 14 2017
Robert De Niro's twin brother discovered....
... In Brazil.
Robert De Janeiro
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jan 04 2017
There's a local realtor whose name is Richard Roberts...
My wife told me,
"Richard Roberts? That's a mouthful!"
I told her,
"Not as much as Dick"
π︎ 7
π
︎ May 23 2017
So here's my impression of Robert DeNiro, Jackie Chan, and President Bush walking into a restaurant.
"Table for 3."
My grandpa says this joke weekly, and cracks up every time.
π︎ 12
π
︎ Dec 22 2014
[Game of Thrones reference] What does Daenerys Targaryen call King Robert Baratheon when he's going out to eat ramen?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Nov 14 2016
Roger Waters Robert Plant
π︎ 20
π
︎ Nov 26 2013
We discussed Robert Frost's "Mending Wall" today in Lit
Me: so I guess you could say he rides the fence about fences.
Classmate: and he doesn't want anyone to take offence about it.
Me: I gate what you're saying.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jan 28 2015
I just got dadjoked by my dad regarding former Miami Dolphins Robert Konrad's miraculous survival story.
I told my dad about Robert Konrad falling out of his boat and swimming 12 hours back to shore in the dark facing 10 foot waves, sharks, stinging jellyfish and 25 mile per hour winds. He poked his head around the corner and said "You know how he survived don't you? He is a dolphin." I cringed so hard since I was expecting some old man wisdom about the will to live etc.
edit: actually he spent 16 hours in the water swimming for shore.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jan 12 2015
I was saying something about an old friend of mine named Robert, who has an underbite
Dad; Oh Robert, He's the one that drowns when it rains right?
π︎ 3
π
︎ Sep 09 2014
Robert E. was the best.
π︎ 13
π
︎ Jan 05 2019
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
