I've infiltrated their ranks, together we can pun-dermine their authority.
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/trevski143
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2019
🚨︎ report
I can’t believe it’s not butter!
πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tobias_drundridge
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2021
🚨︎ report
An actual joke from my 8 year old - Why can’t you trust atoms?

They make up everything.

I was proud.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jaybird1905
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2021
🚨︎ report
Pirate Ship Captain: I am desperate. Can someone tell me how to write the number 2 in Roman numerals?

Crew: I I Captain.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2021
🚨︎ report
I can't stand this dude!
πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AristonD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
🚨︎ report
Today I found out that you can actually hear the blood flowing through your veins.

You just have to listen varicosely.

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a paper airplane that can't fly?

Stationary.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Seven_Arcadian
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I can't stop thinking about Bruce willis movies. I guess old habits

Pulp fiction.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/daymanahaha
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
🚨︎ report
Why can’t two elephants swim at the same time?

They only have a pair of trunks.

-my grandfather, just 5 minutes ago.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheCVisNih
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Being the new guy can suck
πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/whippymcdumbass
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2021
🚨︎ report
I can’t even anymore
πŸ‘︎ 675
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheSugarBowl105
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2021
🚨︎ report
I bought a pen that can write underwater

... it can write other words as well.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tinnber
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend Jack says he can communicate with vegetables.

Jack and the beans talk.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DoomRulz
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2021
🚨︎ report
Can’t believe someone rubbed one off, in elevator
πŸ‘︎ 60
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ssigea
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2021
🚨︎ report
If you change word "Love" to "Lunch", you can totally change the meaning of a lot of songs.

All You Need Is Lunch

Do You Believe In Life After Lunch

Lunch In An Elevator

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SplashbackDeuce
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2021
🚨︎ report
Can anybody give me some advice to help me removing ice from my windshield? I just tried with a discount card I had In my pocket

.. Only got 20%Off

πŸ‘︎ 578
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LuisCAG
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife told me that my botanical garden was so expensive that it was preventing us from starting a family. She said I can either have a hobby...

Orchid

πŸ‘︎ 167
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HoobidyMcBoobidy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2021
🚨︎ report
Took me a minute I can’t lie
πŸ‘︎ 80
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/i_like_miniwheats
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2021
🚨︎ report
Why can't your nose be twelve inches long?

Cuz then it would be a foot.

πŸ‘︎ 78
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πŸ‘€︎ u/doorgunner43
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2021
🚨︎ report
I can't believe someone stole my limbo stick.

Like seriously, how low can you go ?

πŸ‘︎ 116
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BogdanAnime
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2021
🚨︎ report
There's a medicine you can buy that apparently cures scepticism.

But I'm not buying it.

πŸ‘︎ 219
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ryanooooo
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2021
🚨︎ report
Today I learned that if a canoe turns upside down in the water, you can safely wear it on your head.

Because it’s capsized.

πŸ‘︎ 846
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Can one of the Mods please explain to me why my post was removed?

I'm really annoyed about this because now my fence has fallen over....

πŸ‘︎ 21k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/varthalon
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
🚨︎ report
My can opener broke ...

Now it’s a can’t opener.

πŸ‘︎ 377
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πŸ‘€︎ u/screamtrumpet
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
🚨︎ report
An anteater walks into a bar and the bartender asks, "Can I get you a drink?" "Nooooooooooooooooooooo!" "How about something to eat?" "Nooooooooooooooooooooo!" "What about some peanuts?" "Nooooooooooooooooooooo!"

Frazzled, the bartender cries, "What's with the long no's!?"

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I was going to add a pun here but can't think of any right now
πŸ‘︎ 148
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Firelord2620
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
🚨︎ report
You can shoot people with mayonnaise, but not other condiments

Your crimes will then ketchup to you.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SuperNova7039
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2021
🚨︎ report
I said to my kids, "Never let anyone tell you what you can and can't do! Take Beethoven for example. They told him he could not be a musician because he was deaf!"

"But he didn't listen!"

πŸ‘︎ 228
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
🚨︎ report
I can always tell, just by looking, when someone is lying.

I can also tell when they're standing.

πŸ‘︎ 636
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2021
🚨︎ report
Can y'all guessπŸ˜πŸ˜‚
πŸ‘︎ 158
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πŸ‘€︎ u/__braindead_
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I got hit in the head with a can of soda.

Luckily, it was a soft drink.

πŸ‘︎ 456
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bovinecrusader
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I can't believe I just got fired from the calendar factory...

All I did was take a day off.

πŸ‘︎ 56
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2021
🚨︎ report
How can tell the difference between an alligator and a crocodile

It’s how they say goodbye !!

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/619fool
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2021
🚨︎ report
Why can pirates never finish the alphabet?

Because they always get lost at C.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/potato_soul1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Why can't athiests use exponents?

Because they don't believe in a higher power.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kymoo6
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I can do calf raises just by mooving it.
πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lifeboat777
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Daughter: "Can you open this, dad?"

opens the jar

Yep! I sure can!

closes it back and hands it back

My daughter again " ..... "

πŸ‘︎ 51
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πŸ‘€︎ u/breakone9r
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2021
🚨︎ report
How can I get someone to hang out with me, laugh at each other’s jokes, and maybe share some fun platonic experiences together throughout our lives?

Asking for a friend

πŸ‘︎ 617
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OK_Compooper
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Why can a bicycle stand on its own?

It's two tired

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/punvirus
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2021
🚨︎ report
Boy: β€œDad, can you tell me what a solar eclipse is?”

Dad: β€œNo sun”

πŸ‘︎ 56
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bigbiglove33
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2021
🚨︎ report
β€ͺWhy can’t 2021 take a picture in the dark

because it doesn’t have flash

πŸ‘︎ 205
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ZETA_RETICULI_
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a cow that can't produce milk?

An udder failure

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rooner_Spism
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2021
🚨︎ report
If alcohol can damage your short term memory

Imagine the damage alcohol can do.

πŸ‘︎ 96
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nav_the_gamer
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
🚨︎ report
I can’t wait till my Wife and I have a our first baby.

I’ll hand them to her and say β€œHere’s the fruits of your labor.”

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Shaggyoda
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2021
🚨︎ report
My dad's not allowed to speak Japanese, let alone teach the language. But there's nothing that says he can't teach Japanese cooking and geography. So far, I just learned the cooking tools and the location of the country.

This is Japan, this is ja-spatula, this is ja-whisk, this is ja-wok, this is ja-mixer, this is ja-fork, this is ja-spoon, and these are ja-chopsticks.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FoxyCamoCat738
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2021
🚨︎ report
How can you identify a group of math teachers?

They're the ones that look like alge-bros.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2021
🚨︎ report
How can there be a national coin shortage?

Makes no cents.

πŸ‘︎ 573
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/i_live_in_a_truck
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you know you can actually listen to the blood in your veins?

You just have to listen varicosely

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/EggNogAgenda
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I can always tell when someone is lying just by looking at them.

I can tell when they're standing too.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BusyPooping
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
🚨︎ report

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