I canβt believe itβs not butter!
π︎ 5k
π
︎ Jan 21 2021
Pirate Ship Captain: I am desperate. Can someone tell me how to write the number 2 in Roman numerals?
π︎ 7k
π
︎ Jan 21 2021
I can't stand this dude!
π︎ 4k
π
︎ Jan 10 2021
What do you call a paper airplane that can't fly?
π︎ 11k
π
︎ Dec 28 2020
I can't stop thinking about Bruce willis movies. I guess old habits
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Jan 19 2021
Why canβt two elephants swim at the same time?
They only have a pair of trunks.
-my grandfather, just 5 minutes ago.
π︎ 13k
π
︎ Dec 20 2020
I canβt even anymore
π︎ 655
π
︎ Jan 21 2021
I bought a pen that can write underwater
... it can write other words as well.
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Dec 16 2020
My friend Jack says he can communicate with vegetables.
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Jan 07 2021
Can anybody give me some advice to help me removing ice from my windshield? I just tried with a discount card I had In my pocket
π︎ 571
π
︎ Jan 15 2021
Took me a minute I canβt lie
π︎ 77
π
︎ Jan 06 2021
My can opener broke ...
Now itβs a canβt opener.
π︎ 364
π
︎ Jan 19 2021
Today I learned that if a canoe turns upside down in the water, you can safely wear it on your head.
π︎ 846
π
︎ Dec 29 2020
I was going to add a pun here but can't think of any right now
π︎ 146
π
︎ Jan 04 2021
I said to my kids, "Never let anyone tell you what you can and can't do! Take Beethoven for example. They told him he could not be a musician because he was deaf!"
π︎ 228
π
︎ Jan 09 2021
An anteater walks into a bar and the bartender asks, "Can I get you a drink?" "Nooooooooooooooooooooo!" "How about something to eat?" "Nooooooooooooooooooooo!" "What about some peanuts?" "Nooooooooooooooooooooo!"
Frazzled, the bartender cries, "What's with the long no's!?"
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Dec 17 2020
I can always tell, just by looking, when someone is lying.
I can also tell when they're standing.
π︎ 629
π
︎ Jan 06 2021
Can one of the Mods please explain to me why my post was removed?
I'm really annoyed about this because now my fence has fallen over....
π︎ 21k
π
︎ Oct 20 2020
Can y'all guessππ
π︎ 157
π
︎ Dec 14 2020
Did you know you can actually listen to the blood in your veins?
You just have to listen varicosely
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Nov 09 2020
I got hit in the head with a can of soda.
Luckily, it was a soft drink.
π︎ 457
π
︎ Dec 28 2020
Why can a bicycle stand on its own?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jan 21 2021
Why can't athiests use exponents?
Because they don't believe in a higher power.
π︎ 4k
π
︎ Nov 21 2020
How can I get someone to hang out with me, laugh at each otherβs jokes, and maybe share some fun platonic experiences together throughout our lives?
π︎ 619
π
︎ Dec 21 2020
Why can pirates never finish the alphabet?
Because they always get lost at C.
π︎ 12k
π
︎ Oct 12 2020
I can do calf raises just by mooving it.
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Nov 17 2020
βͺWhy canβt 2021 take a picture in the dark
because it doesnβt have flash
π︎ 201
π
︎ Jan 01 2021
If alcohol can damage your short term memory
Imagine the damage alcohol can do.
π︎ 96
π
︎ Jan 04 2021
Why can't a lactose intolerant dyslexic man keep a diary?
π︎ 84
π
︎ Jan 14 2021
How can you prove that the "I" before "E" except after "C" doesn't always apply ?
π︎ 145
π
︎ Dec 20 2020
I asked all the countries in the world if they wanted to throw a party. All of them told me they can't because of covid.
Only one was like "Yemen"
π︎ 55
π
︎ Jan 11 2021
How can there be a national coin shortage?
π︎ 581
π
︎ Dec 07 2020
Why can't blind people eat fish?
π︎ 580
π
︎ Dec 07 2020
A photon checks into a hotel. The bellhop asks if he can assist with any luggage.
The photon replies, βNo, Iβm traveling light.β
π︎ 207
π
︎ Dec 23 2020
A man woke up in the hospital after a serious accident, the man yelled "DOCTOR! DOCTOR, I CAN'T FEEL MY LEGS!"
The doctor then replied "i know, i amputated your arms."
π︎ 58
π
︎ Jan 15 2021
Dogs can't operate MRI machines,
π︎ 125
π
︎ Jan 03 2021
I can't tell you all Japanese history in one joke...
π︎ 5k
π
︎ Oct 24 2020
"Amanda Laurie-Anne"? You can do better than that...
π︎ 17
π
︎ Jan 19 2021
Gf asked for help, and I did the best I can
π︎ 237
π
︎ Nov 28 2020
Why can't redheads be in blues or jazz bands?
π︎ 20
π
︎ Jan 01 2021
I guess you can see he has a lot of horsepower
π︎ 23
π
︎ Dec 24 2020
I told my therapist I canβt get the Grease soundtrack out of my head...
He said βtell me moreβ.
π︎ 69
π
︎ Jan 13 2021
I've got this awful disease where I can't stop telling airport jokes.
I think it may be terminal
π︎ 33
π
︎ Jan 04 2021
Dude 1: βHey bro?β Dude 2: βYeah bro?β Dude 1: βCan you hand me that pamphlet?β
π︎ 16k
π
︎ Sep 25 2020
What can a mosquito do that a fly cannot?
A mosquito can fly, but a fly cannot mosquito.
π︎ 17
π
︎ Jan 14 2021
Can an Admin tell me why my post was removed? It was very inconvenient... My whole fence fell down
π︎ 8
π
︎ Jan 20 2021
My smartwatch can't tell me if I have a virus.
But it does tell me if I have ran somewhere.
π︎ 14
π
︎ Jan 17 2021
Can anyone remember. . ..
....the chiropractor joke I put on here about a week back?
π︎ 16
π
︎ Jan 16 2021
I can always tell when someone is lying just by looking at them.
I can tell when they're standing too.
π︎ 13k
π
︎ Oct 14 2020
Iβve got this awful disease where I canβt stop telling airport jokes
My doctor says itβs terminal
π︎ 18k
π
︎ Sep 04 2020
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