I got a fake passport to move to Sydney

I call it my Australias

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dmanz21
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
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Sick eagle crossed the border without a passport

He is now ill-eagle

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Water-into-weed
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2020
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I was wondering where I left my passport

But I had no ID

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yakkslapper
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2020
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Angela Merkel is at passport control at a Greek airport. When reviewing her passport, the officer asks-β€œoccupation?”

She replies- β€œNien! This time, ve are only here for za day!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/theJarlAli
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2019
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How expensive was the passport?

I was at the US embassy in London today to pickup an emergency passport to get back to the states. Later, when I was talking to some friends:

Friend: How expensive was the passport?

Me: Let's just say I got pounded.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tkellogg
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2014
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My best dad joke of 2019

Me: I wish more of my friends had passports so we could go hang out in Canada more often.

Friend: I have my passport, but I also have a small record.

Me: What? Like a 45 rpm?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/knatehaul
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2019
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The story of my friend Sam

HI I’m Tim the turtle, yes a real turtle. And I would like to tell you the story of my best friend. I once had a friend by the name of Sam. Sam of course was a clam. A real live honest to goodness clam. He was my best buddy, but unfortunately he smoked and drank and ran around with loose women (and a few men). I was more of the goodie two shoes type. I never drank, never smoked, I didn’t even swear. But for some reason Sam and I were the best of friends. I guess you can say we were the epitome of opposites attracting. One day as we were hanging out walking along the beach Sam, after his fifth cigarette in a row, had a heart attack and died. I was heart broken. My best friend died right there in front of me and he never repented his evil ways. I was sure he would spend eternity in damnation. Sigh. Being the goodie two shoes type I was still extremely healthy well into my old age. I missed my friend terribly for many years. On his birthday I would host a party and invite his old stripper girlfriends and poker buddies around to relive stories. It was always a fun evening, but in the end left me more lonely than before. Eventually, my broken heart couldn’t stand it anymore and I too died. I was pleased to find that there was a heaven. Being an almost saint I was whisked directly past the line to the Pearly Gates to be greeted by St. Peter. A big grin erupted on his face and he came right around his desk to give me a great big hug. β€œTim”, he said, β€œYou have been such a good person back on earth that God has asked me to grant you any wish you would like before even entering heaven”. To say I was flabbergasted is an understatement. I thought for a minute, I guess God expected me to ask for more time on earth, but I knew what I really wanted to do was to visit with my old friend Sam. So I asked. Poor St. Peter didn’t know what to say. You know Sam is in Hell right? Well I knew that was a strong possibility so I wasn’t surprised. Peter excused himself for a while and went to check with the big guy himself. He was gone quite some time, but eventually he returned. Peter said my request was approved, but under a few conditions. First, I would have to carry a golden harp as a passport back into heaven. This harp could only be carried by a good soul so I couldn’t be replaced by a look alike demon. Second, I would have to return by midnight. God didn’t want me to face too much temptation. I agreed to these conditions and took the highway down to hell. (Nope n

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dendari
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2018
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Got dadjoked for my name & signature.

Must know: My name is Rick.

me: signing a passport (its literally just scribble)

dad: "it looks like a reading on the Richter scale, get it? A RICKter scale"

This was followed by me rolling my eyes and him rewarding himself with a few giggles.... Oh dad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cheesues
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2014
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A sick eagle crossed the border without a passport

He is now ill-eagle

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Water-into-weed
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2020
🚨︎ report

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