He hadn't thawed of that
He becomes gender fluid.
It takes quite a while though.
When the police kicked in my door they yelled: FREEZE!
She got splashback on the toilet...
I told her she would roux the day.
So its guaranteed to be a Happy Hollandaise
But their fawn do.
... Would he be called Thaw?
It’s snow laughing matter.
But their fawn do
Frankincense
They will roux the day that they anger me.
but now, I'm homeless.
I answered: "It is, but only margarinely more."
Note: this really happened.
Man, talk about a liquid asset.
It was coin-fusing
We’ll specialize in melts.
A few years ago my sister decided to iron her gym shorts without knowing that the fabric would melt under the heat of the iron, burning a massive hole in them. She texted our dad to let him know she'd set her shorts on fire.
His reply: 'good lord, how fast were you running?'
Still makes me laugh to this day.
One brings people to justice, whilst the other brings people to just ice.
But now it’s all water under the fridge.
Ok, so this one needs a bit of buildup.
At the time (a week or so ago) I was making a homebrew item for DnD (for the uninformed, Homebrew are custom made items/classes/spells to use in a DnD game at the discretion of the DM (Dungeon Master)).
I had shown this item (shameless plug) to my friend (who is also the DM of the campaign I'm in now) in the hopes of using it in the campaign. He had pointed out that the item was a bit OP for it's cost and that the homebrew page I had made for it was too long. We were discussing ways to improve both the item and the page, and then got on the topic of magic items in general.
It went something along the lines of this:
DM: ... you can't really destroy a magic item before removing the magic from it. Like, you could try to melt down a magic sword for example, but all that would really do is make it too hot to hold. You could even bend it, but not outright destroy it.
Me: That's gotta be one pissed off magic sword.
DM: I mean, yeah, if it's sentient.
Me: Maybe it got so angry at being bent, that it gains sentience just spite you or something.
DM: Well, yeah maybe.
And this, people of reddit, is when the PUN, popped into my head.
Me: *leans in* you could say that the sword gained sentience cuz it got... bent out of shape.
A second or two of silence, and I see the pun register in his head, and I fucking lost it.
I then laugh for a straight minute. After about ten secunds of me busting a gut, he said "Aight, Imma head out"
We're cool now, but he really didn't want to talk to me the next day.
Eskimos.
If they have a house warming party their house will melt.
He was breaking up.
He got cold feet.
The ISIS melting.
On a road trip back home from a job, we pulled into the gas station with another truck from the BNSF railroad. We parked next to each other, and since he got there first,we had to wait for him to get out of the truck.
I ask my boss, "So, do you know how long he's been working on the railroad?"
He was very confused and didn't know what the hell I was talking about so in a high pitched falsetto I sang, "All the live long day!"
Pretty quiet ride after that.
"Then get away from the shade!"
Typical dad...
Good cause I don't want to spread it.
Their method for hunting polar bears was the most interesting. They would start a fire out on a deep snow bank, and essentially melt a hole in the snow. Once the hole was big enough they would stop feeding it firewood and let it burnout on its own. Once the fire had gone down and was nothing more than smoldering ashes with a little bit of smoke, they would line the edge of the fire pit with snow peas.
All they had to do from there is hide and wait. Once a bear caught scent of the smoke and starts to investigate, the bear would eventually start eating some of the peas. Then they sneak up behind it and kick it in the ash-hole.
Girlfriend- Do you have any cold medicine? I really hope you do.
Me- I'm so sorry but I think all the medicine I have is room temperature.
Boom. Melted her face.
edit. Damn you swypos
