The police say they burn all the weed they confiscate.

That would explain the doughnuts.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
🚨︎ report
My therapist told me to write letters to people I hated and then burn them.

I've done that, but what do I do with the letter.

πŸ‘︎ 330
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Valdagast
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the hipster burn his lips on coffee?

He drank it before it was cool!

(My old Language Arts teacher said this.)

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GeezoTheWeirdo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
My son told me, β€œDad, I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes, and now it burns.”

I said, β€œThat’s Heinz sight for you.”

πŸ‘︎ 453
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
🚨︎ report
How did the hipster burn his mouth?

He ate his food before it was cool

πŸ‘︎ 64
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sour-snake13
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Churn and burn

At least that’s what the witch Puritans used to say.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I just found out how to burn 2000 calories

I left my brownies in the oven too long

πŸ‘︎ 420
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mafiaworks_08
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2020
🚨︎ report
The person who invented autocorrect should burn in hello.
πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/simplyGagi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2019
🚨︎ report
I just gave a sick burn to a load of hedges shaped into a pattern.

It was amazing.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kimenon001
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Shoe company burns down

No soles were lost

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VirtuminVG
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
🚨︎ report
My mate Gav sadly passed away this morning. Doctors say it was severe heart burn.

Cannot believe Gaviscon

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/schwifty98
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
🚨︎ report
What would Mr. Burns say if he were a wizard?

Hexcellent

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dyljim
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I hate people who keep telling me that I need to be saved or else I'm going to burn.

Stupid Firemen

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SCRAPP13
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I just published a book on how to prevent skin injuries and minor burns.

It’s non friction.

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Oh man that burns...
πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/njsh20
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2020
🚨︎ report
[NSFWish] Did you hear about the new eyelid replacement surgery for burn victims?

They use foreskin to replace them. Only side-effect is coming out a little cockeyed.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/noapostrophe555
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Burn the living room.
πŸ‘︎ 102
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sushal_Stha
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call someone who burns all their loan documents?

Bernadette

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/YetiFromJersey
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Doctor: Sir you’ve suffered multiple 3rd degree burns

Dad: that’s odd, it felt hotter than that.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/therealMrYonder
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I tried to burn my friend a new arsehole by slipping chili peppers into his food, but things didn't go as planned when he switched dishes on me.

It backfired.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jeromocles
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the IT-guy burn his fingers?

He used hotkeys.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kartenhouse
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2020
🚨︎ report
My mate Gavin passed away from heart burn last week.

Still can’t believe Gaviscon

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lumgi01
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2019
🚨︎ report
What Happens When You Burn Unseasoned Wood From the Bayou?

Creole-sote

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MarshmallowBlue
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Don't you hate those people who come to your door and tell you that you will 'burn' unless you are 'saved'

Those idiot firemen....

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TherryTad
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2019
🚨︎ report
During sex you burn as much calories as running for 5 miles.

Who the hell runs 5 miles in 30 seconds?

πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/viperfour
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2019
🚨︎ report
How did the hipster burn his tongue?

He drank his coffee before it was cool.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the hipster burn his mouth?

He ate pizza before it was cool

πŸ‘︎ 48
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shaystibelman
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the hipster burn his mouth?

He ate the pizza before it was cool

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the hipster burn his tongue?

Because he ate the pizza before it was cool 😎

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the hipster burn his tongue?

He ate his breakfast before it was cool.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/katayda13
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2020
🚨︎ report
How did the hipster burn his tongue?

He sipped his coffee before it was cool

πŸ‘︎ 58
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/blamethedog16
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I hate those people who knock on your door and tell you you need to be "saved" or you'll "burn"

Stupid firemen

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Aurikidink
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2019
🚨︎ report
How did the hipster burn his mouth?

He sipped his coffee before it was cool.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/afranc72
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Who did the hipster burn his mouth

He ate the pizza before it was cool

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tjeters
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2020
🚨︎ report
The person who invented autocorrect should burn in hello
πŸ‘︎ 183
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/purpleisperfect
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2019
🚨︎ report
How did the hipster burn their tongue?

Ate their meal before it was cool.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/-Binger
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2020
🚨︎ report
How did the hipster burn himself?

By drinking coffee before it was cool.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mama_Bear15
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I hate those people who knock on your door and tell you you need to get "saved" or you'll "burn"..

Stupid firemen.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mudpucket1969
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2018
🚨︎ report
How did the hipster burn his mouth?

He ate the pizza before it was cool

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Amphibatron
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I hate when people knock on my door and tell me I need to get "saved" or else I will "burn."

Stupid firemen.

πŸ‘︎ 381
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ispilledmymilka
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2019
🚨︎ report
How did the hipster burn his mouth?

He ate the pizza before it was cool.

πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tekrat
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2020
🚨︎ report
How did the hipster burn the roof of his mouth?

He ate the pizza before it was cool.

πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
🚨︎ report
How did the hipster burn the roof of his mouth?

He ate the pizza before it was cool.

πŸ‘︎ 84
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
🚨︎ report
How did the hipster burn the roof of his mouth?

He ate the pizza before it was cool.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the hipster burn his mouth?

He drank his coffee before it was cool.

πŸ‘︎ 43
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Valdagast
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2019
🚨︎ report
I hate those people who knock on your door and tell you you need to get "saved" or you'll "burn"...

Stupid firemen.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bot_10
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2019
🚨︎ report

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