Whenever I eat burnt toast it makes me feel sick.

I guess I’m just black toast intolerant.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/theheroofunicycle
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2020
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Just found out why my toast kept getting burnt

My toaster had pop-up blocker on.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GaryTheKnight
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2019
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My kids asked whether you smell burnt toast or burnt popcorn when you're having a stroke

I told them, "It's Different Strokes for Different Folks."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dadraik
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
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This morning I burnt my toast but I was in a rush so I ate it anyway. It upset my stomach...

I must be black-toast intolerant.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mr627990
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2018
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Nurse: Are you allergic to anything? Dad: Burnt bread.

Nurse: You are allergic to burnt bread?

Dad: Yes, I’m black toast intolerant.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2018
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Puns of Varying Quality on the Subject of Linguistics (created in a fit of procrastinative inspiration) some of which I thought someone, someday might appreciate.

Note: Quality Very Varying (I see what I did there) and sometimes subject to specialist knowledge. So I apologise in advance. Shame me with your better puns.

While I was languishing in the Language Centre, doing some semantics antics and considering how all the other linguistics students despised and derided me, I was accosted by a stout man with large glasses who made me a preposition. It was that I should collect terrible puns, to do with linguistics, in order to ingratiate myself yet further with the other linguistics students (including even the phonetics fanatics).

I'm struggling to think of a pun to do with grammaticality that both makes sense and "Is grandma tickly?" correct. I'm also stuck on 'morphologician'. (I'm not actually sure that's a particularly logical word for the subject, though I guess that's more for, er, more for a logician to worry about.)

The problem I have with writing about phonological variation is that one is constantly forced to choose between being fun or logical - very Asian!I always get in trouble with electricians, they think I'm calling them a 'dialectician' whereas in fact I'm just saying "Die, electrician."

I like pscycholinguistics – the only department of linguistics where it’s acceptable to wear a cycle helmet. My Australian accent is terrible but I like to think my Sath Efrican one is predicate. My favourite accent is Received Pronunciation, because it is the accent chiefly used by invisible Japanese people who are ordered online. When the first recipient of an invisible Japanese person got the parcel, they wrote a complaint saying "Received but can't see Asian" and the name stuck.

Why did the speakers whose native languages weren't English, but whose only shared language was English, but they weren't very good at it and kept on having to stop to think about it, stop talking to one another? They came to an agreement. (Get it? If not, write your answer on a pastecard and paste it to the below address.)

What did the 'a' say to the 'the'? "You definitely are ticklish, 'the'!"

Why was the small man eaten by the large bear, which was proportionately bigger than him? It had, er, relative claws.

I think the reason there are so many speakers of Russian is because they all partake in an activity called "copulae shun". (Ok, ok, I know, that was Pushkin it.)

I know a man called Hillary who can, might, should, did, must, shall and will ride an ox. We call him "Ox Hillary".

I always think the verb 'to be' in the senten

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kieuk
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2011
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It was too good.

My dad used to live in a trailer, so there was close proximity from the "kitchen" to the front door. I was sitting on the couch and reading something, when I ask my dad where something was, I don't remember what. Without hesitation, he replies, "Hold on, I have to prepare a toast.", and he takes the freshly burnt toast from the toaster, turns around, and throws it out the door. It was the greatest thing I'd ever witness him do, and he didn't even get why I was laughing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GiantFuckingDildo
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2014
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