My son told me, โ€œDad, I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes, and now it burns.โ€

I said, โ€œThatโ€™s Heinz sight for you.โ€

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 453
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 16 2020
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My mate Gav sadly passed away this morning. Doctors say it was severe heart burn.

Cannot believe Gaviscon

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 13
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/schwifty98
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Aug 10 2020
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Why did the IT-guy burn his fingers?

He used hotkeys.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 5
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Kartenhouse
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 03 2020
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My wife told me that if I bought her one more idiotic gift, sheโ€™ll just burn it.

So I bought her a candle.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 84
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 16 2018
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My wife told me that if I got her one more idiotic gift she would burn it.

So I got her the night before Christmas DVD box set...I kinda wanted an extra copy for my mom

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 14
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/irieball
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 17 2018
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There's an Indian restaurant nearby that always burns their bread. If you sit too close to the kitchen it can be hard to breathe.

Which is strange because it's the naan smoking section.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 26
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/mrthatsthat
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jun 02 2018
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If you burn an analog clock, does it emit second hand smoke?
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 4
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/RuggerAl
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jul 19 2018
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So we were seeing who's laptop could burn a disc the fastest. It was a discrace.
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 46
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Matchboxx
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 02 2012
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My mom, in reference to my grandfather's POS computer, while holding a spindle of blank CDs, "Does it burn?"

"If I use enough gasoline it will."

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 3
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/FX114
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 29 2015
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My dad had a burning question about grammar and I didn't know the answer so I came here to ask it.

His question was, "Is 'buttcheeks' one word?"

"Or should I spread them apart?"

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 61
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/tis-a-pirate
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Feb 02 2021
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I built a model of Mount Everest and my son asked, โ€œIs it to scale?โ€ I replied, โ€œNoโ€ฆโ€

โ€œItโ€™s to look at.โ€

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 18k
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 23 2020
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My friend said, โ€œYou have a BA, Masters and a Ph.D., but you still act like an idiot.โ€

It was a third degree burn.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 53
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Merlin-5
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Feb 12 2021
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I'm making a new documentary series on how to fly an aeroplane

We're currently filming the pilot

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 7k
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/HellsJuggernaut
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jul 07 2020
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Absolutely livid. Bought a Hawaiian pizza for dinner and I've just burned it. Should've cooked it on aloha temperature.

Credit to @AdamPacitti

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 67
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/AJ-Naka-Zayn-Owens
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 30 2018
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We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. Itโ€™s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind itโ€™s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I donโ€™t think itโ€™s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

Thereโ€™s a new type of broom out, itโ€™s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels canโ€™t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, itโ€™s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldnโ€™t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didnโ€™t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit โžก

show more
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 20
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/communist_scumbag
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 26 2020
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I yelled at the waitress for burning my toast. I told her I will not stand for it!

I guess you could say I'm black toast intolerant.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 16
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/FreakyStarrbies
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 24 2019
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I burned my Hawaiian pizza because I put it in the oven vertically.

Guess I was supposed to lei it.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 3
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 24 2019
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Apparently, Hitler burned records alongside books. It was all part of his plan.

The vinyl solution

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 70
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/WarriorsDawn
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Feb 07 2016
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What do you call it when a star has problems with itching, swelling, bleeding, or burning "down there?"

Asteroids.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 4
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Spotted_Lady
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ May 22 2018
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My uncle owned a bread factory then it burned to the ground, it was toast
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 10
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Ahdjhbdl
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Apr 13 2018
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Dad tried cooking meat but he accidentally burned it.

Dad made a huge misteak.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 45
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Psychii_
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 24 2015
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What do you call it when you get a hard on from burning someone over the Internet?

E-Rekt

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/xMilkstachex
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 17 2015
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Stripper takes it all off on one nightstand v.redd.it/ojpcdjwhjqp01
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 3k
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/therealBoomboy
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Apr 03 2018
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I thought my son was spending too much time playing computer games...

I stopped him and said, "Son, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace."

He considered that for a moment before replying, "Yeah, well, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was The President of the United States."

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 5k
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/madazzahatter
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 17 2017
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How do you make holy water?

You burn the hell out of it.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 6
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/howiewu0402
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jun 21 2020
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My five year old: Dad, do trees poop?

Me: Of course. Thatโ€™s how we get Number 2 pencils.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 306
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 31 2018
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I was chopping vegetables for dinner

But then I saw the pizza burning so I had to cut it short.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 3
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/smithsea2
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jun 04 2020
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Asked for a run of the mill party

Not me but still worthy

http://imgur.com/xJ3dbQF

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 2k
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/quantum_waffles
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 28 2016
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My Dad works for a welding supplier, so heres his welding dad joke

A guy was cutting with an acetylene torch when suddenly there is a break in the line. The acetelyne starts shooting up his arm and a stray spark ignites it. His arm bursts into flame. He starts running around the shop waving his arm around while it's on fire until someone hits him with the fire extinguisher.

After the fire is out and the EMT's arrive, the police are there taking statements from the witnesses. When the officer finishes this, he pulls out his handcuffs, goes over to the burned guy on the ground, pushes the EMT out of the way, and arrests the burned guy.

When he brings the guy to the station, the chief asks him why he arrested this guy when he clearly needs medical attention. The officer responded by saying "He was waving a firearm in public"

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 35
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/The_Better_Devil
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 03 2020
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I heard a story once about a train driver.

He was operating a late night train and fell asleep at the controls. He ended up failing to recognise a stop sign and as a result his train hit a person and killed them immediately. He was tried for manslaughter and sentenced to the electric chair. Just before being put in the chair, he was given the choice of final meal and chose a single banana, oddly. His time came and he was placed into the chair, the room vacated and then the switch was thrown.

But... Nothing. No sparks, no burning, nothing. They checked the machine and it was working fine, it just seemed not to harm him. The state law meant that, legally, his sentence had been carried out and he was free to go. He walked away a free man, and actually got another job as a train driver.

Sadly, almost exactly the same thing happened again. This time his negligence killed two kids playing around on the tracks when again he'd fallen asleep and failed to stop the train in time. Hauled before the courts again, he got exactly the same sentence - the electric chair. He was asked again for his final meal, chose two bananas this time, and his sentence was carried out again.

And yet again, he didn't die. In fact, he was entirely unharmed. The state law remained the same, so he was let out again, where - somehow - he got another job with another train company. I guess it was the only job he was trained for (pardon the pun). Anyway, this time he did much better and worked hard to stay awake during his late shifts. But sure enough, eventually he slipped back in to old habits and this time killed five people - a family trying to free their dog stuck in the tracks.

Once again he faced a jury, once again they found him guilty and a judge sentenced him to the electric chair. This time he asked for 5 bananas, but the guard was wiley - he has read about this man and how he always had bananas before his sentence was carried out, and so this time (with a grin, it's said) he brought the train driver 5 apples instead. The guilty man plead and begged for bananas, but the guard claimed it was an honest mistake but too late to change now.

The man was lead for a third time to the electric chair. His head was wetted, his arms strapped in, and the guard eyed him with something between wonder and fear. Finally the room was vacated and the switch thrown. Surely this time the machine would do its job? With the process finished, the guard ran back into the room, only to find the man still alive and looking entirely healthy. "I do

... keep reading on reddit โžก

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 11
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/homelesspancake
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 17 2019
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I dad joked my wife hard last night.

We have her parents in town visiting, we also live about a mile from Johnny Cash's old house that burnt down some time ago. My wife was telling her mother about the house and how we could go take a look at it from our boat, she called to me in the back room and asked "Hunny, do you know how Johnny Cash's house burnt down?"

Without a seconds hesitation I yelled back "It was a fire".

I was proud of myself.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 1k
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/tonguejack-a-shitbox
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ May 24 2014
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My sister hit me with quite the insult at her PhD ceremony.

It was a 2nd-degree burn.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 5
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/wizard7926
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 25 2020
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How to catch an elephant. A story by my dad which got me a walk to the Principal's office in 2nd grade

Rolling back 40 yrs or so, here's the story I told to my 2nd grade class.

To catch an elephant, you first need to go to the jungle where elephants are found. Then you cut down all the trees in a big circle, and dig a hole out. Put the trees in the hole and burn them down to ashes. Carefully line the edge of the hole with peas.

And when an Elephant comes to take a Pea, you kick him in the Ash-Hole!

Everyone about died. Hell, even the teacher and principal were laughing about it. Dad was amused. Mom was not.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 5k
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/TheGoodLordsTaint
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jun 24 2016
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Not a dad, but got my classmates and teacher with a good dad joke

So, before i get to the joke, you should all know that everyone in my class knows me for my shitty dad jokes and they hate me for it and today was probably the proudest moment of my life. So here's what happened.

Ecology teacher: does anyone know how to pronounce the name of this bird?

Me: willow ptarmigan (pronounced willow tarmigan. you see where this is going)

15 seconds later

Me: did you know that you can't hear willow ptarmigans go to the bathroom.

Confused classroom: what? Why?

Me: because the P is silent...

I hear the class slowly fill with groans and "oh my god"s followed by some guilty chuckles. And then, my teacher, who is about as strict and as hard to make laugh as they get, slowly sinks into her table and covers her face. And then she giggles. Just a little. This goes right up there for proudest moment of my life, next to saving a child from a burning building. Except I've never saved a child from a burning building...

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 3k
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/miqdadmatethatsme
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 14 2017
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Iron Bowl humor

Q: Did you hear that U of Alabama's library burned? A: It's true! They lost all 3 of their coloring books!

Q: What do you call a beautiful girl on campus at U of A? A: A visitor!

Q: What do a maggot and a U of A fan have in common? A: They can both live off a dead bear for twenty years.

Q: How many Alabama fans does it take to change a lightbulb? A: 80,001. 1 to change the bulb, 80,000 to talk about how great the old lightbulb was.

Q: How do you make Alabama cookies? A: Put em in a bowl and whip em for 60 minutes.

Q: Did you hear Saban was going to dress up 20 players for the Iron Bowl? A: The rest will have to dress themselves.

Q: Alabama is changing their mascot to the Opossums. A: They play dead at home and get killed on the road.

Q: What do Alabama players get on their SATs? A: Drool.

War Eagle!!!

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 6
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/joblessidiot420
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 25 2019
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A wizard dies and they lock up his ashes in a lamp

The lamp is then fastened by the sea, just so none of the townsfolk get into trouble. One day, an inquisitive young chap opens the lamp and the wizard starts wreaking havoc upon the town. All the scientists gather and decide to chemically dissolve the lamp. But all the chemicals they have fail to work. They try to burn it, melt it and what not but nothing works. Finally one scientist says โ€œI know exactly what we should do. Pour excessive chemicals and try to dissolve it. I know weโ€™ve tried it before but letโ€™s give it another shot.โ€ They bring in acids and other corrosives from the neighbouring cities and pour it on the lamp and it successfully dissolves and the wizard disappears. Everyone is amazed and asks the scientist โ€œHow did you know about the extra chemicals?โ€ The bald, black scientist looks at them and says โ€œOh thatโ€™s easy. Moored urn problems require more darn solutions.โ€

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 10
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/lordoflethargy
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Apr 03 2019
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Damn it I just burned my Hawaiian Pizza

I guess I shouldโ€™ve cooked it on aloha temperature.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 13
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Guidostl
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 01 2018
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A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. Itโ€™s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind itโ€™s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I donโ€™t think itโ€™s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

Thereโ€™s a new type of broom out, itโ€™s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels canโ€™t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, itโ€™s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldnโ€™t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didnโ€™t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit โžก

show more
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 8
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/HornyBastard37484739
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 26 2020
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My friend told me, โ€œYou have a B.A., Masterโ€™s, and a Ph.D., but you still act like a moron.โ€

It was a third degree burn.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 483
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Aug 14 2020
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I thought my airplane joke would really take off

But instead it just crashed and burned

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 12
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Henry5705
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jun 19 2020
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My friend said, โ€œYou have a BA, Masters and a Ph.D., but you still act like an idiot.โ€

It was a third degree burn.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 12k
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Apr 22 2018
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. Itโ€™s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind itโ€™s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I donโ€™t think itโ€™s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

Thereโ€™s a new type of broom out, itโ€™s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels canโ€™t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, itโ€™s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldnโ€™t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Josvys
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 03 2019
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My wife said โ€œYou have a BA, a Masters and a PhD, but you still act like an idiotโ€ฆโ€

It was a third degree burn

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 398
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/MonotoneYay
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 15 2018
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