I had a legless dog called Cigarette.
Every morning I took him out for a drag.
3 men are stuck on a boat with 4 cigarettes, but nothing to light them with.
They throw one over board and the boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
When God lights a cigarette....
Is it with a match made in Heaven ?
How are Cigarettes like Hamsters?
They're harmless until you put one in your mouth and light in on fire
What did the cigarette say to the other cigarette?
My dad went out for cigarettes 8 years ago & finally came back.
He said he was in the desert with his camels.
I'd smoke a cigarette every time after sex...
Thanks to my wife I've stopped smoking.
I asked my dad if cigarettes get stale.
He said: "No, but if you sit on them they go flat."
What does Han Solo put in his cigarettes?
So I decided I'm going to put cigarette pictures on my Tinder
Because I'm looking for matches
I saw a woman at the gas station pumping gas and trying to light a cigarette
I went inside to pay and saw two policemen in the store. I said "Did you guys see that woman out there?" They looked outside and suddenly darted out the door. I turn and see she caught her arm on fire.
The policemen threw a blanket around her and wrestled her to the ground and put out the fire. Then they gave her a ticket!
After they came inside I asked why they gave her a ticket. Turns out she didn't have a license for that firearm.
I love Cigarette Shops
They're my favorite Gas stations
I once went on a date that ended with me and the girl sleeping together. After sex she lit a cigarette and told me me all about her hobby: collecting roadkill and pinning it to her wall. Well, there's no way I could see her after that...
Smoking is such a turn off.
What did the cigarette say to the other cigarette?
This girl on Tinder asked me why I have an unlit cigarette in my picture... I told her I’m just looking for matches.
If the government banned cigarettes, I would shout slogans and protest
But I'm afraid I wouldn't have the lung capacity
What does the Pope say when he wants to bless a pack of cigarettes?
What do you call a person who steals e-cigarettes?
Why did the cops mix slabs of sirloin into their suspect's marijuana cigarette?
They were staking out the joint.
I had a friend in high school who was a foreign exchange student, and he always took mine and my friend’s e-cigarettes
We called him the international juul thief
Dr: do you smoke? Dad: yeah dr: cigarettes, Marijuana?
My friend Ted asked me why my brother still smokes cigarettes. I told him that he was addicted.
Ted responds, “I know he’s a dick but that doesn’t change the fact that they’re bad for him”
My boss walked in on me smoking a cigarette. “No smoking allowed!” He told me.
Sorry, I’ll try to be quieter next time
I want to drink my coffee, smoke my cigarette, browse reddit on my phone all at the same time but I only have 2 hands. I wish I had another set of hands for this.
I think that would be pretty handy.
Where should you throw your cigarette butts?
In the ass-tray.
(Don't litter, kids.)
I saw a woman once that was smoking a cigarette at a gas station while she filled her car. She pulled out the nozzle and gas shot everywhere and her arm was immediately engulfed in flames. She started waving it around and a cop saw it and shot her dead...
She was waving an illegal fire arm.
What is similar between a cigarette and a hamster?
They’re both harmless until you stick it in you mouth and set it on fire.
So my dad left for cigarettes and never came back
I guess he had tobacco-out of the relationship
What is the worst about cigarette companies?
They kill their best customers
I googled "cigarette lighter" and got 150000 matches.
Now I don't need the lighter.
An unsatisfied chicken lays in bed smoking a cigarette next to an egg that rolls to its side embarrassed
Chicken: Well I guess we solved that riddle
Today this guy at work asked me for a cigarette lighter…
I said, “Of course, give me your pack.”
He handed over his pack of cigarettes and I took one out and gave it him back saying, “There you go.”
“What’s that?” he said, all confused.
I said, “It’s a cigarette lighter.”
My dad finally came back from getting his cigarettes after 10 years and immediately started telling me how good I had it
I was like "ok boomerang"
On a boat with 4 cigarettes...
If a jet plane loaded with e-cigarette smokers flies overhead, you'll see the vaper trail.
I'm OK with cigarettes, alcohol and weed, but cocaine is where I draw the line
What do cigarettes and squirrels have in common?
They're both perfectly safe until you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire.
I guess he was dying to get a cigarette
4 men were sitting in a boat about to smoke a cigarette, when they realized they didn't have a cigarette lighter.
So, they threw one cigarette off their boat and the boat became one cigarette lighter.
What did the ashtray say to the cigarette?
Four men are stranded with nothing but cigarettes on a boat with no way to light them
So they throw one cigarette off board, and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter
Cigarettes are like hamsters.
They are perfectly harmless until you stick one in your mouth and light it on fire.
I have a dog with no legs called Cigarette... Every morning I take him out for a drag.