Bacon Puns

Why didn’t the drunk Mexican druglord find the Bacon Tree? Because he walked into a Ham Bush!


Whats green and smells like bacon? Β Kermit the Frog’s finger! Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies?


Why did the pig go into the kitchen? He felt like bacon.


Which actor is now being quarantined for Swine Flu? Β Kevin Bacon


If you can’t get Swine Flu from eating bacon what can you get? A1: Obesity A2: Heart Disease A3: Hardening of the Arteries


Whats the name of the movie about Bacon? A1: Frankenswine A2: Hamlet Why do pigs go to New York City? To see the Big Apple.


Why was the meat packer arrested? For bringing home the bacon.


What do you get when you cross a pig and a chicken? The best bacon-and-eggs of your life.


Why did the pig kill the farmer? To save his own bacon. What do you call a bacon wrapped dinosaur? Jurrasic Pork.


What do you call a pig that can tell you about his ancestors? History in the bacon.


How do they get up there? In pigup trucks. What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede? Bacon and Legs.


What would happen if pigs could fly? The price of bacon would go skyrocket.


What did the boy bacon say to the girl bacon? Girl, you’re bacon my heart melt.


What are they warned to watch out for? Pigpockets.


First Carter Page and now Betsy DeVos. Trump’s cabinet is like a game of six degrees of Kevin Bacon except with Russia.


Everything must be wrapped in bacon, including bacon.


If Kevin Bacon doesn’t whisper β€œHere comes the Baconator” before he has sex all my faith in humanity is lost


I’ll acknowledge Canada Day when they finally acknowledge that’s not bacon


If Donald Trump really KNOWS the average WORKER then where are the pics of Trump hungover in 7-Eleven buying bacon in sweat pants?


This guy ordered a vegetarian sandwich and then added bacon. It was like watching someone have a mid-life crisis and then find a cool hobby.


If we don’t build a wall on our northern border, they’ll soon be maple syrup & Canadian bacon trucks on every corner.


I signed an Executive Order to make Saturday morning bacon and eggs and pancakes with triple butter and syrup non-fattening.


My bedroom smells like maple, bacon and beaver…because I’m Canadian.


When the waitress calls you Babycakes you know you’re getting extr

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2017
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Bacon and Eggs walk into a bar...

Bartender says β€œGet out of here! We don’t serve breakfast!”

πŸ‘︎ 325
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lvrcerosis
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2021
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Why did the packet of bacon visit the dermatologist?

He had a lot of rashers

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/THPSROCKS
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2021
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My neighbor just asked what I do with β€œleft over” bacon.

I consider myself a bacon connoisseur but I’ve never heard of that kind before, can anyone help me out on this?

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Frindwamp
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
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How do you stop Canadian bacon from curling in a frying pan?

Take away its tiny brooms 🧹

πŸ‘︎ 327
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tthrivi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
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How are you supposed to keep Canadian bacon from curling?

You just need to take away their little brooms!

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CJStepz
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
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[Grocery Store] β€œOk. Milk..check. Bread...check. Bacon..check.”

Cashier: Sir, please stop writing checks for each item separately.

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
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Smoking will kill you...Bacon will kill you...

But, smoking bacon will cure it.

πŸ‘︎ 118
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2020
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I was reading today that Kevin Bacon and Daniel Day Lewis are making a movie together

It's called My Left Footloose

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πŸ‘€︎ u/freedoomed
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Two cowboys are lost in the desert when one sees a tree draped in bacon. He yells β€œit’s a bacon tree” then runs to it and is shot up with bullets

It wasn’t a bacon tree it was a Ham Bush

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Texgymratdad
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
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[OC] You're bacon me crazy!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rebelrosepins
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
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Two cowboys walking through the plains, no food or water, death imminent. When through hazy vision one of them spies a tree, covered in bacon by an oasis of pure clean. One cowboy hide behind a rock, as his confused friend runs to the tree... only to be gunned down by some bandits.

The second cowboy is relieved to be alive, and thankful that he knew that that was no bacon tree.

It was a ham bush

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MafiaCub
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
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His favourite sandwich is Lettuce Guacamole Bacon Tomatoe
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ni_ko_98
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2020
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Two cowboys are lost in the desert. One cowboy sees a tree that’s draped in bacon. β€œA bacon tree ! We’re saved!” He says. He runs to the tree and is shot up with bullets. /r/Jokes/comments/i7puax/…
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/brainstormer77
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
🚨︎ report
2 cowboys were riding along and one saw a tree with bacon dangling from the branches. One called out saying "Look a Bacon Tree!" As they went closer to have a look they were confronted with a sky full of arrows. The other cowboy yelled:

This is no Bacon Tree, this is a Ham Bush.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/brendo20
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2019
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What do you call a finished puzzle of bacon and pancakes?

A complete breakfast

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Demencia_Stan
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2020
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With bars finally reopening, exotic dancers can once again bring home the bacon...

...but only one strip at a time.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2020
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What do you call it when you forget where you put the bacon?

Hamnesia

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Edgar-Allan-Post
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2020
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Growing up I went to an all-Muslim school. The teacher asked me to make sure that my classmates weren't sneaking bacon at lunch.

I got a badge and a sash that read, "Halal Monitor"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/unklethan
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I had a physical and my doctor said, "don't eat anything fatty". I said like "bacon and cheeseburgers ?"

He said "No, fatty, don't eat anything!"

πŸ‘︎ 104
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Johnny_Two_Timez
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2019
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Curing bacon
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IndigoContinuum
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2019
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Two very hungry men were wandering the desert when they see a bacon tree.

One runs up to eat the bacon, when all of the sudden he starts getting shot at from out of nowhere. He yells to his friend, "watch out! It's not a bacon tree. It's a hambush!"

*Borrowed from a friend who is very much dad material.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Phizzwizard
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2019
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My doctor told me not to eat anything fatty. I asked him if he meant bacon and eggs.

But he said, "No fatty. Stop eating!"

πŸ‘︎ 67
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2019
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My wife asked me this morning "Do you want a bacon omelette?"

I said "No, I'd rather fry one."

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CSwork1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2019
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Bacon Tree

2 guys are walking through the desert completely starving. The first guy sees a bacon tree and takes off running towards it screaming, "We're saved, it's a bacon tree!" All the sudden he's under fire from all directions. He's completely riddled with bullets. The second guy catches up and kneels down beside him. With his last breath he says, "It wasn't a bacon tree, it was a hambush."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tetrapsy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2019
🚨︎ report
I don't understand why vegans won't eat pork, but will rave about seitan bacon
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rjstoz
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2019
🚨︎ report
A man is starving in the desert and sees a bacon tree in the distance.

When he makes it over to the tree, a robber steps out and points a gun at him.

The man says, "whoa, I just wanted some of the bacon from the bacon tree!"

The robber grunts and says, "This ain't no bacon tree. This is a hambush!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WERE_A_BAND
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the sick bacon?

He was Cured!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Johnny_Two_Timez
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Bacon isn’t the main attraction

Sausages.

Thought of this at work while I was cooking.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/19you1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2019
🚨︎ report
My doctor tells me I've got a bacon addiction.

Thankfully he thinks I can be cured.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/December_Soul
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2019
🚨︎ report
The Bacon Tree

The year is 1541 and the French have just begun colonization in North America. Young Jean-Luc is in his newly crafted home when suddenly his friend Jean-Pierre bursts through his front door. 'Jean Luc!' he exclaims. 'You weel nevar believe! I 'ave 'eard word of a bacon tree!'. Jean-Luc looks confused and scoffs 'Imposseeble! You cannot grow BaycON on a tree!'. 'Come! And I weel show you ze bacon tree!'. So Jean-Luc & Jean-Pierre set off down the river, with Jean-pierre providing direction to the enigmatic 'bacon tree'. Finally, they pulled over onto a small beach that lead to a large forest. 'Stay 'ere and watch ze canoe, and I weel bring ze bacon back from ze bacon tree!' said John-Pierre. Hours go by and John-Pierre hasn't returned. As night falls, and Jean-Luc is about to enter the forest to look for his friend, he hears a rustling in the nearby brush, to which Jean-Pierre stumbles out, bloody and with arrows through his legs and arms. 'Jean-Pierre! What 'appened!!' exclaimed Jean-luc. 'Turns out it was not a bacOn tree.....it was an 'AMBUSH!!!'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Bacon and eggs walk into a bar

They take their seat and ask the bartender for two draft beers.

The bartender looks at them and says β€œsorry boys, we don’t serve breakfast here.”

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2019
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I dressed up as bacon for halloween.

To say the least, i was looking pretty CRISP.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Blackfaceplant
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
🚨︎ report
If pigs could fly, bacon would be leaner.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kathyeco
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2021
🚨︎ report
How do you stop Canadian bacon curling in the pan?

You take away their brooms

πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ‘€︎ u/montero65
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you get Canadian bacon from curling in the frying pan???

How do you get Canadian bacon from curling in the frying pan???

You take away its little brooms!!!

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ciceronic
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you stop Canadian bacon from curling when you fry it?

Take away their brooms.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Smoking will kill you. Bacon will kill you.

But smoking bacon will cure it.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/labink
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Bacon and eggs walk into a bar.

The bartender says β€œsorry, we don’t serve breakfast.”

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Bacon and eggs walk into a bar

Bartender says β€œget out of here, we don’t serve breakfast!”

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lvrcerosis
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you keep Canadian bacon from curling in the pan?

Take away it's tiny brooms.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TexinFla
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you stop Canadian bacon from curling in the frying pan?

You take away its tiny little broom!

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/derawin07
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2018
🚨︎ report
How do you keep bacon from curling in the pan?

You take away their little brooms

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JRBX
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Smoking will kill you. And Bacon will kill you. But...

Smoking Bacon will Cure it.

πŸ‘︎ 326
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SarcasticaFont
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you get bacon to stop curling in the frying pan?

Take away their brooms.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/izzyjubejube
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Smoking will kill you... Bacon will kill you...

But smoking bacon will cure it.

πŸ‘︎ 185
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πŸ‘€︎ u/glittercorpse
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2018
🚨︎ report
How do you keep bacon from curling in a pan?

You take their little brooms away.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dannyboy6657
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2019
🚨︎ report
A hardboiled egg and a piece of bacon walk into a bar, the bartender looks up and says,

"Sorry we don't serve breakfast here"

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IsaacB1
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2019
🚨︎ report

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