To save money I made myself a pair of glasses out of 2 old ketchup bottles.

In Heinz-sight I should have just bought a proper pair

πŸ‘︎ 678
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sekearney95
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2019
🚨︎ report
They're guaranteed to help you ketchup on the highway
πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Thecrawsome
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08
🚨︎ report
I once told a girl that her body was shaped like a ketchup bottle.

She took it as a condiment.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/invertedparadoxxx
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14
🚨︎ report
Ketchup in the eyes
πŸ‘︎ 57
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Radish00
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24
🚨︎ report
I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes.

Now I have Heinzsight.

πŸ‘︎ 733
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/drozzi007
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Why does ketchup always have good vision?

Because Heinz's sight is always 20-20.

πŸ‘︎ 127
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ivegot_back
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
🚨︎ report
I just squirted ketchup in my eye

In Heinz-sight, it was a bad idea.

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PinkShrimpz
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19
🚨︎ report
I had a meal recently that was made with ketchup and mustard.

It was delicious! My condiments to the chef!

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Escalade1414
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16
🚨︎ report
I got ketchup in my eyes while cooking dinner last night. I should have washed them but

Heinzsight is 20/20

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ryden22
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08
🚨︎ report
Why is Mrs Mayo mad at Mr Ketchup?

She caught him watching the salad dressing again.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/breakone9r
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24
🚨︎ report
Accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes earlier, but now I don't need glasses any more. /r/Jokes/comments/esf3pp/…
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mgeiran
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22
🚨︎ report
Today I poured ketchup all over myself

In heinzsight, it was a horrible idea

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LOLFLYINGPIGS2
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2019
🚨︎ report
I accidentally wiped ketchup in my eye

Now I have Heinzsight.

πŸ‘︎ 120
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2019
🚨︎ report
My dad was a doctor, and he always warned us not to get ketchup in our eyes.

If we did we would develop heintzsight, he said.

πŸ‘︎ 46
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Tried getting ketchup but it takes the sausages to arrive.
πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/orlanthi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2019
🚨︎ report
I regret rubbing ketchup in my eyes.

But that's Heinz sight for you.

πŸ‘︎ 50
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NoneMoreHip
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2019
🚨︎ report
I really regret rubbing ketchup in my eyes last night...

that's Heinz sight for you.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SmashAndCAD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Someone asked me recently why I don't put any ketchup or mustard on my hotdog

And I told them it's because I just wanna relish it.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/trollcitybandit
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2019
🚨︎ report
I recently got told ketchup doesn't actually use tomatoes

But I can't find a reliable sauce on that.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Isokuovi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife told me to put ketchup on the shopping list, so I did

Now she's mad at me because we can't read it anymore

πŸ‘︎ 206
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/td941
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2019
🚨︎ report
I knew I shouldn’t have rubbed ketchup into my eyes

But that’s Heinz sight for you

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lewwap
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2019
🚨︎ report
I just poured ketchup in my eyes

because I heard Heinz-sight is 20/20

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/crazy_gnome
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife told me to add ketchup to the shopping list before I go to the store…

I don't know why since now I can't read what it says…

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2019
🚨︎ report
I rubbed ketchup in my eyes

In Heinz sight it wasn't the best idea

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BigShowFardy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2019
🚨︎ report
I regret wiping my eyes with ketchup on my hands.

But that's Heinz sight for ya.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2019
🚨︎ report
I tried to make my own condiments but, the recipes change so fast, it's hard to ketchup.
πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRealZy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2019
🚨︎ report
I realized I shouldn’t have rubbed ketchup in my eyes.

I guess Heinz sight is 20/20.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2019
🚨︎ report
What did mustard say when ketchup got glasses?

Heinz sight is 20/20

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/adamhoolhorst
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2019
🚨︎ report
They have to ketchup
πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/oneshotkill0625
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the ketchup blush?

He saw the salad dressing.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do the hot dogs with ketchup spoil early?

Because the sauce.ages

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dadushka008
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Gotta ketchup
πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DaRealEnderguy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2019
🚨︎ report
I've been watching the market closely and I think I'll invest heavily in ketchup next year...

Yeah, my Heinz sight is 2020.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the ketchup never leave the fridge?

He just couldn’t muster up the courage.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Nolanix
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Ketchup with watermelon
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/IINightMasterII
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2019
🚨︎ report
RIP Wendy ketchup
πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Aditya_G_
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Ketchup
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CazSaa
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Why is it good to wash your eyes with ketchup?

Because Heinzsight is 20/20!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WinglyKing
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2019
🚨︎ report
I can see ketchup pretty well...

I guess Heinz-sight is 20/20.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/keterotronic
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Heinz tomato ketchup joke

That tomato better ketchup because it’s be(Heinz)

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cursed-boy
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2019
🚨︎ report
I tried cleaning my glasses with ketchup today.

In Heinz-sight, it was probably a bad idea.

πŸ‘︎ 188
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DeathintheMine
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2018
🚨︎ report
The father tomato said to the child tomato who was far behind him " you better ketchup"
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mrgamer5409
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2019
🚨︎ report
I didn't want to eat my food because I accidentally put too much ketchup on it.

I guess Heinzsight is 20/20.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zeratul5541
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2019
🚨︎ report
I am from Britain and visited America last week. I noticed that the ketchup tastes extremely bad,

In heinz-sight I should have brought my own

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2019
🚨︎ report
I just got home from the grocery store and realized I forgot to buy ketchup while I was there...

Heinz-sight is 20/20

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MyNotNSFWAcct
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call ketchup with 20-20 vision?

Heinz-sight

πŸ‘︎ 492
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2017
🚨︎ report
I smeared some ketchup all over my eyes once. It was a bad idea in Heinz-sight.
πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/curiouselise
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2018
🚨︎ report
What did the mustard say to the ketchup

I RELISH the fact that you MUSTERED the strength to KATCH-UP to me

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/seamouse05
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Do you know why some people bang on the side of the ketchup bottle while others bang on the bottom of the ketchup bottle?

Me: No. Why?

Him: To get the ketchup out.

Told to me by my grandfather-in-law as I was banging on the side of the ketchup bottle.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/roonerspize
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2015
🚨︎ report
Where do ketchup and mustard live?

In the condiment-iums

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BladedVengence
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2019
🚨︎ report
I put ketchup in my eyes today...

In Heinzsight, it was a bad idea

πŸ‘︎ 107
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PackGetsSacks
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2017
🚨︎ report
What would you call the Queen if she had ketchup all over her face?

Your Royal Heinz.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2018
🚨︎ report
What does a Ketchup say when he has to use a bathroom?

I Must-turd

πŸ‘︎ 148
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HanSoloz
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2017
🚨︎ report
β€œi have some emails to catch up on.” β€œi didn’t realize you put ketchup on your emails, i usually put it on my chicken nuggets”
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/alexmeowwood
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the ketchup contaminated by E-coli?

Authorities are still trying to get to the sauce of the outbreak.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigfoothobbit
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call ketchup that falls down? Ketchdown.
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Orang69
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2018
🚨︎ report
I read that if you sleep on a certain type of fabric smothered with ketchup it adds 20 years to your life.

Unfortunately I can't remember the sauce material

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2018
🚨︎ report
I tried cleaning my glasses with ketchup instead of water today...

It didn’t work, but Heinzsight is 20/20

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/chrrisrrose
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear ketchup and mustard are moving in together?

They're renting a condimentium.

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/meelakie
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2017
🚨︎ report
I forgot to buy ketchup

But hey, Heinz-sight is 20/20.

πŸ‘︎ 53
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/schmeebers
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2016
🚨︎ report
A tomato and a lettuce are in race. The lettuce is a head while the tomato has to ketchup.
πŸ‘︎ 61
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/silentbrker
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2013
🚨︎ report
I love ketchup.

From my head tomatoes.

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HumbertHum
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2014
🚨︎ report
Ketchup story with daughter.

While eat French fries my 5 year old daughter she managed to get ketchup under her nose. This of course looked like a perfect toothbrush mustache. I proceed to shout out "Heinz Hitler." My wife and children stared for what I'm sure was an eternity for them, while I laughed for days. The downside is my 3 year old daughter repeated this for several weeks after the incident.

πŸ‘︎ 143
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/xkillabudx
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2013
🚨︎ report
At breakfast this morning, I told my friends I had to "ketchup" on my puns

I could have done so much butter

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LittleDanishBoy69
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2013
🚨︎ report
Gonna make some glasses out of old ketchup bottles

because Heinz sight is 20/20

πŸ‘︎ 81
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bergyberg489
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2013
🚨︎ report
My sister told me to ask for ketchup while we were in the drive-through…

… And I said "OK, but I don't think he's working today."

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CapnShimmy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2016
🚨︎ report
Friend passes me some sachets of ketchup

"I'm experiencing packet loss"

^It's ^a ^networking ^term ^joke ^my ^friend ^dropped ^lastnight ^at ^maccas

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/polkovniknades
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2015
🚨︎ report
The Old Ketchup Bottle

The family is all gathered around the table eating dinner when my dad grabs the nearly empty ketchup bottle for his fries. I knew it was coming. We all knew it was coming, but there really was nothing that could be done. As he squeezes the bottles, the final remnants of ketchup and trapped air escape the container sounding like the worse flatulence you have ever heard.

He then turns to my mother and says, "Those beans are getting to me fast tonight!"

Uncontrollable laughter ensued.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nwilso9
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2013
🚨︎ report
My Mom's Caption: "We're ketchup-ing on Christmas decorating." (x-post:Pics)

http://imgur.com/tj5HDA9

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SlowBen
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2015
🚨︎ report
Who invented ketchup?

Heinzstein

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jibbist
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2015
🚨︎ report
I rubbed ketchup in my eyes;

Now I have Heinzsight.

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SecureEarth
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25
🚨︎ report
I just realized I shouldn’t have rubbed ketchup in my eyes.

I guess Heinz sight is 20/20.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do the hot dogs with ketchup spoil early?

Because the sauce.ages

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dadushka008
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2019
🚨︎ report
I should have got more ketchup

Heinz sight is 20/20.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Fortbuild
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2017
🚨︎ report

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