A bovine miracle indeed.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mee-thee
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
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What do you call a bovine with an eating disorder?

A BULLimic

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ‘€︎ u/rickyburrito
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2020
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how do you convince meat juice out of a bovine?

You consomme out of him.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ‘€︎ u/StretchSmiley
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2020
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What kind of cowbell does a bovine wizard wear?

An amoolet.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ‘€︎ u/Torley_
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2020
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Bovine Giganticus.
πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ‘€︎ u/fawaffle
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
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Do you know where the first bovine astronauts landed?

The mooooooooon

πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ‘€︎ u/lesserthepoggle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2019
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I told my kids a joke about our bovine print kitchen towel.

They said it was terry bull.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ‘€︎ u/hoosierplew
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2019
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What do you call bovine-owned beachfront property?

Prime Veal Es-Steak

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ‘€︎ u/melon_lawd
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2019
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There has been an outbreak of bovine viruses in Austria.

The hills are alive with the sound of moo sick

πŸ‘︎ 63
πŸ‘€︎ u/creamspinachplz
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2017
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I saw some people in bovine costumes today.

Talk about cowtural appropriation.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ‘€︎ u/sriversage
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2019
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What do you call a bovine you can't see?


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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheOctopotamus
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2017
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How do bovines do math?

With a cow-culator

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ‘€︎ u/125bench
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2017
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What do you get when you put two angry bovine in a burlap sack?

A pair of testy cows.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ‘€︎ u/southernmail
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2017
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What do you call a group of bovine running from their problems?

Cow herds

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheOctopotamus
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2017
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xpost from /r/writingprompts: A poorly-disguised escaped dairy cow has worked at an ice cream parlor... but now her bovine related puns is slowly starting to give her away.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GoldenApple23
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2016
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Say, son, can you tell me what the bovine symphony makes?


πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ‘€︎ u/Cloudburst_
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2014
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What do you call a cow who is vegetarian?

A vegeta-bull

Edit: It’s been brought up that I should’ve said bovine instead of cow. I definitely didn’t mean to offend anyone! I literally thought this stupid joke to myself while in the shower lol

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ‘€︎ u/ellegirl82091
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
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πŸ‘︎ 892
πŸ‘€︎ u/knorke3
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2020
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I made a short video of a cow

It's a bovine

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ‘€︎ u/billbixbyakahulk
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
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Another cow joke, proudly brought to you by a six year old:

What do you call a cow that’s fallen asleep at a construction site?

A bulldozer.

πŸ‘︎ 110
πŸ‘€︎ u/TitchyBeacher
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2018
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What social media app do cows use?


πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheFarLeft
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2020
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What does a cow call his girlfriend?

His significant udder.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ‘€︎ u/JhonKa
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2014
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Pearl Harbor of puns

If your onion sang hip-hop, would that be a rapscallion?

I used to be an astronaut, but I got tired of eating out of satellite dishes. I wasn't allowed to eat the Milky Way, even though I had to look at it every day. The worst thing was, I never got to visit The Space Bar. Then, when I was visiting the dark side of the moon, I was bitten by a parasite. Now, you might think it's crazy, but the doctor who removed it called it a lunar-tick.

If "womb" is pronounced "woom" and "tomb" is pronounced "toom", shouldn't "bomb" be pronounced "boom"?

China recently tested a new steroid. It basically turns you into The Hulk. The side effect is it could turn you into a crazed zombie that tends to rip the upper extremities from people. People are saying that this could be the zombie apocalypse. In my opinion, lips have nothing to do with it. I call it ARMageddon. The only way to stay safe now is to not let anyone close enough to disarm you.

I recently was going to join the railroad union. I decided against it because it's complicated. If I received instruction on driving the locomotive, would they call it engineering, or training?

I got a sad story about a flower. I don't know who the heck she pissed off, but damn, now she's a Black-Eyed Susan.

I finally figured out what makes leaves angry. Fall. They get so mad they change color. Some are yellow. They're just afraid and run from their problems. The other ones usually just leave.

I went parachuting with my military buddies once. We landed on a department store. I told him I think we're at the wrong coordinates. He said: "Nope. We're right on Target"

I asked a psychologist if Native Americans have strong emotions. He said "Oh yeah, they're intense".

If a psychotic person thought something made sense, would that thought be psychological?

If Matt Damon were searching for a secondhand store, would he be Goodwill Hunting?

My friend is a Marksman for the military. One day, he went to the armory and asked for 3 snipers. They gave him a candy bar. It was a 3 Musketeers.

I want to be there if Dwayne Johnson ever uses a pizza stone. That way I can smell what "The Rock" is cookin'.

Christopher bought a lemon, and the car broke down. Now Christopher Walken.

Have you heard about the latest bank battle on Wall Street? Capital One and Chase got in a fight and Capital One.

You know what a pirate says to his wenches when he sees the shoreline? "LAND HO!"

A man finds a lamp in the desert and dusts it off. Poof! A genie p

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ‘€︎ u/PraetorSolaris
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2019
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My friends at school never got my obsession with cows....

They didn’t understand I had udder interests

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ‘€︎ u/Wavepoolsquad
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2018
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What do you call a plant that beef grows on?

A bovine

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ‘€︎ u/MetalArbiter
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2019
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Deja Moo

Oh MOOgosh. This might just sound like a load of Bull, but please STEER me out.

Deja Moo (Sung to the tune of Fresh Prince of Bel-air)

Now these are puns all about COWS

Their milk gets flipped, churned all around.

And I’d like to take a minute but I won’t stop and prattle

And tell you this story you haven’t HERD about cattle.

In IstanBULL I was born and BRAISED.

In the pastures back then in my HAYDAYS.

Chewing cud, RUMPING round, and making a fuss.

TANNING out so UDDERLY ridiculous.

When a couple of HEIFERS who had BEEF with me

Started BULLying on my Brand , you see.

I got TIPPED over once and my mom got scared

She said you're MOOvin your behind, your butt, your DAIRY Air.

I whistled for a calf and when it came near

Thought she was a babe, but HE was a STEER!

If anything I can say this STEAK is rare

But that Bovine was BO-FINE so I didn’t care!

I got milked a few times, maybe 7 or 8

More like long-gonehorn, than reliable date.

So I CHUCKED out the udder half of the pasture,

Bevo ain’t a cow, don’t got what I’m after.

Fun fact: a Dairy Cow can produce 125lbs of saliva a day.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ‘€︎ u/KrazyCasey412
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2016
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Too early for this ...

I woke up early for work,and was getting dressed while my girlfriend lazily poked at her phone. I was laying out my clothes, saying as I go: "undershirt ... work shirt ... underwear ... jeans ... French bovine ... can't wear shoes without the French bovine ..."

I noticed my girlfriend was staring at me, bewildered, but also wearing her "what sort of stupid thing are you saying now?"

I asked what was the matter, and she inquired what a French bovine is.

I said, you shouldn't wear shoes without ...

A Paris ox.

edited: stupid mistakes. It makes better sense now.

πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ‘€︎ u/NobodyWhatsoever
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2016
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Mom was making coffee after a steak dinner...

"I'll have some De-calf after De-cow"

πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ‘€︎ u/samburgerhelper
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2014
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Where do you put your mystical cards?

In the tarot bowl. A threatening bovine on one of these cards is the terror bull. The cards are made out of paper, so they're tearable. When you take the cards out of the bowl, the bowl is now tare-able. But truth be told, this long pun is terrible.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ‘€︎ u/zizmax_
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2013
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Cow jokes

My carpool buddy was hitting me with these on the way to work today.

"What car do classy cows drive? "

  • Cowdillacs

"What cars do redneck cows drive?"

  • Cowmaros and Moostangs. I added that they are also a fan of COWl induction.

"Who's the longest standing baseball player?"

  • Cowl Ripken

"Have you heard of the famous bovine biologist, Jaques Cowsteau?"

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ‘€︎ u/makaimashava
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2014
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My Daughter Set Me Up At Dinner

Me to Wife: "Thanks for dinner. It was divine."

Daughter to Me: "How was the milk I poured you?"

Me to Daughter: "It was bovine."

πŸ‘︎ 60
πŸ‘€︎ u/WiBorg
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2014
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Group text dadjokes

My sister is on a road trip from Utah to Texas. She has been periodically updating us with her location.

Sister 1: Raton, New Mexico
Dad: That's a big rat.
Sister 1: Dalhart, Texas
Dad: Woohoo... How's it going?
Sister 1: Great. Everything is flat and smells like cows, but I don't see any cows.
Dad: Those are the iBoTs (invisible Bovines of Texas), they wander around making methane and distributing it free of charge. And the landscape is that way because of the flat-ulence.
Sister 2: Oh my gosh dad stop
Me: He can't. There is an honor code among dads. We must joke whenever the opportunity presents itself. It's our respunsibility.
Dad: I'm so proud.
Me: Hi so proud, I'm dad.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ‘€︎ u/squallstormviii
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2014
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A word used to describe an explosive device swallowed by a male bovine

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ‘€︎ u/slowshot
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2017
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