Just giving cReddit where it's due.
It's not proper to kiss on a first date
They call them Jingle Berries.
It’s for legal porpoises
The Basque Pro Shop
I never expected to see pair a normal beings when I started studying alien aircraft, you follow, G?
Painful, because they can't c.
it’s a coughy filter.
But are experts in Crash Courses
Broken hip hop?
It's a great way to start the decade off with a bang.
Bob Dillin'
So I leveled with them.
He thinks it's a polkageist.
Bunch of Joeys over there.
She stops by Carl's room and sees him putting black shoe polish all over his penis. Dismayed, she exclaims "no, no, no Carl, you misunderstood. I said remember to turn your clock back."
It is a transaction, after all.
People pay more attention when you bring ricin to the conversation.
Credit to u/RollinThundaga.
This sub is off-limits to you according to your own sub.
So the joke's on you.
A person born in 33 was 45 in 78
Feminists: SheSheShe.
That would be a punzi scheme.
Me: "Train A is heading east at 90mph-"
Wife: "Shut up"
It's cut and dry.
Rumour has it they'll be great in the cup.
Bee was making a list for her New Year’s Eve party. She asked her friend Grasshopper for help.
“Who should I invite?” “How about those ants that’ve been your next door neighbors for years? You invite them every year.” “I guess so… I find them a bit old-fashioned though.” “I think they’re quaint. Also you should invite the new young ant family down the street.” “Yeah, they seem so nice.”
Bee sent out most of her invites but in her rush forgot her next door neighbors. New Year’s Eve came and the party started at Bee’s house. Grasshopper came early to help Bee out as always, and noticed the unsent invites on the counter. Oh well, too late. The doorbell rang and Grasshopper went to open the door. It was the ants from next door.
And so it came to be that Grasshopper said to himself on New Year’s Eve:
“Shoot, the older quaint ants Bee forgot.”
Dad: oh good. i know how you love dogs. what kind of dog does she have? what's its name?
Me: idk if she even has a dog
Dad: well she must have a seeing eye dog
Every time me or one of my friends ever got a girlfriend he busted it out without hesitation. every.single.time.
Props to them.
My mouth writes Czechs that my body can't cache.
It's called Pair a' Shooters
My friend is designing a t-shirt for Folk Fest and needs a witty, all-ages-appropriate pun to go on it, but neither her, nor I or my fiancee can come up with one. The image on the front is of a beardy man playing the tuba, with a bird (Cardinal, I think?) coming out of it that's playing the drums. Out of the bass drum is crawling a cracked-out-looking dude wearing flannel, who's playing the guitar-looking instrument, with arms coming out of that playing the triangle. A great pun for the shirt with the word "Folk" in it would be much appreciated, and I know you guys are good at making puns, so fire away! Reddit, lend me your puns!
Waiter/Waitress: "Are you finished?"
Dad: "Actually, I'm Norwegian, but you can take my plate."
It's not proper to kiss on a first date.
It's not proper to kiss on a first date
