What kind of self-defense does a Jewish Trump supporter practice?

Krav MAGA.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/daddyflextape
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
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Why couldn't the green pepper practice archery?

because It didn't habenero . .

๐Ÿ‘︎ 12k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/drewzee0109
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 31 2020
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They say practice healthy eatingโ€ฆ
๐Ÿ‘︎ 30
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/FoodPunAficionado
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Where can you practice multiplication tables on New Year's Eve?

Times Square.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Kielbasa_Crotch_Kid
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
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I told my bowmen that I would pay anytime they need to get some practice in at the course.

Theyโ€™re free range archers now.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/blg111222
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
What do you call a killing before yoga practice?

A pre-meditated murder

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/pittybrave
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 24 2020
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My son had a rough time at little league practice - after striking out three times, he lost interest and wouldnโ€™t stop smelling the dandelions in the outfield, getting one stuck in his nose.

He really whiffed hard.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/yawyaw42
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 24 2020
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Iโ€™m not good with conversations, so I practice talking to large rocks.

It helps me speak boulder.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 39
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/FinalCaveat
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 07 2020
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My army instructor told me he didnโ€™t see me at camouflage practice today.

โ€œThank you, sir!โ€ I replied.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 11
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/JammerJake2005
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
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I had a minor accident at the practice

Accidentally played a major

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Alex_Schemman
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 24 2020
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Everyone keeps telling me to practice social distancing,

but when am I supposed to stop practicing and actually do it?

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/cramer-klontz
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
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I may not be a dad for a while, but Iโ€™m getting some good practice in.
๐Ÿ‘︎ 243
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/BigPappy09
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 19 2019
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What do you call it when a bowler knocks down all the pins in a practice frame?

A preemptive strike.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/DavideoandPhoto
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 02 2020
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What do you call sick highschoolers who practice social distancing?

QuaranTeens.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/LaMusicista
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 23 2020
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I was having trouble playing a song on guitar and my teacher said "practice to a tick"

It didn't work at all and now I have Lyme disease

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/disintegore
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 17 2020
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A queen went travelling to a foreign land. She asked her two ladies in waiting to clean for each other while she was gone, so they wouldn't be out of practice when she got back. When she returned, the two had fallen in love and gotten married.

They were maid for each other.

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๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 19 2020
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Wife: Remember to practice safe snacks and to use condiments

Me: Baby stop, youโ€™re making me hungry

๐Ÿ‘︎ 16
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Serm22
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 25 2020
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What type of practice is Dr. Pepper?

A fizzician...

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/natemccord
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 22 2019
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I always use avocados in target practice...

I guess you could make some Glockamole.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 12
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/thisissparta10
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 05 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I read an article about Eskimo hunting practices today

Their method for hunting polar bears was the most interesting. They would start a fire out on a deep snow bank, and essentially melt a hole in the snow. Once the hole was big enough they would stop feeding it firewood and let it burnout on its own. Once the fire had gone down and was nothing more than smoldering ashes with a little bit of smoke, they would line the edge of the fire pit with snow peas.

All they had to do from there is hide and wait. Once a bear caught scent of the smoke and starts to investigate, the bear would eventually start eating some of the peas. Then they sneak up behind it and kick it in the ash-hole.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/fixit-tillitsbroke
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 23 2020
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With daily practice, the lumberjackโ€™s musical ability improved

logarithmically

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/vbloke
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 19 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I don't practice "social distancing."

After 30 years of social anxiety and a deep disgust of humanity in general, I operate on an "expert" level.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/PotBuzz
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 15 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Did your mom have to remind you to practice piano?

No, I did it on my own a chord.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 12
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/326Med
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 10 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Tonight I took my son to hockey practice and realized my wife forgot to pack his jersey from the dryer.

She told me she had everything, and I was in a rush. So it got left behind. Figured it out right away as we were getting him changed and messaged my wife. She said she would bring it right away. I told my son "You mom is going to run your jersey over"

Without skipping a beat, he replied "Well that won't work, practice will probably be over. I wish she would just drive it over"

Then he gave me a huge grin. I told him he won the dad joke of the day and he continued smiling all the way until bedtime.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/MilkCanMatt
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 11 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
What do you call a practice tickle?

A testicle

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Tob3ster97
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 02 2019
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Do you suppose Amish pyromaniacs practice barn razing?

When Amish build barns it's called "barn raising". But raze is also a term to destroy, ruin or flatten.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/SoundTrax
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 30 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Yiu know what kind of Martial Arts Jesus practices?

Judo

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/rasberryjam5151
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 07 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Why wasn't the pony able to sing his solo at choir practice?

He was a little horse

๐Ÿ‘︎ 12
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/johnspartyrepair
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 21 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
What do you call a veterinarian who practices chiropracty?

An animal cracker.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 105
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/lmnox
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 03 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
A man showed up to my psychiatric practice dressed only in Saran Wrap requesting diagnosis.

I told him, โ€œI can plainly see your nuts.โ€

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/jmturleymd
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 30 2019
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TIL that sea-faring pirates were quite progressive in their labor practices, reserving a portion of their loot into an early sort of worker's comp, paying for peg-legs and hooks.

They weren't big fans of arrrbitration.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/handcraftnullpacket
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 02 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Who needs sex when you can practice your unicycle puns
๐Ÿ‘︎ 14
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/kappaman69
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 25 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
What do you call a couple that practices natural family planning?

Suddenly qualified to tell dad jokes

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/dukeofgibbon
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 24 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Whatโ€™s the best time to practice racket sports?

Tennish

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/LucasM__
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 15 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
What did the pirate practice on the organ?

Arrrrrpeggios

๐Ÿ‘︎ 14
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/cantankerousrat
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 23 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
What religion do most llamas practice?

Isllama!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 8
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/soggiestwaffles
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 11 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
What do musicians over 40 practice?

AARPeggios

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/tpttpttpt
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 05 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Practice safe calculations

Don't drink and derive

๐Ÿ‘︎ 8
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/RustyWood86
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 24 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
What's the difference between someone who bought a house and someone who practices their electrician skills?

One's a home owner and the other's an ohm honer.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/BradC
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 25 2017
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Why would somebody hire a lawyer that just practices law?
๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/TheWinterShadow
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 23 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Why couldn't the green pepper practice archery

Because it didn't habanero

๐Ÿ‘︎ 29
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Kingbob1500
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 03 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Why couldn't the Green Pepper practice Archery?

because it didn't habanero

๐Ÿ‘︎ 32
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/behrkon
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Why didn't the green pepper practice archery?

Because it didn't habanero.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 19
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Whlightning
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Why didn't the green pepper practice archery?

Because it didn't habanero.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 28
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/jcnet1
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 24 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Why couldn't the green pepper practice archery?

. . . because it didn't habanero!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/dudebrostien
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report

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