What kind of chairs do they use in Ireland?
Went to GameStop to use the bathroom, but it was out of order...
I guess I have to keep holding it.
What unit of measure do pirates use?
In the old days, excessive use of commas was considered to be a serious crime.
It usually resulted in a long sentence.
Know why they use knots instead of miles in the ocean?
Because they've got to keep the ocean tide.
I don't understand why some people use fractions instead of decimals.
What kind of weapons do fleas use?
You know people use a bag of rocks as a metaphor for being stupid....
But it took one stone to figure out the theory of relativity.
Some guys are talking about wether they prefer to use urinals or toilets to do their business, then one of the friends say "I sit down when I pee"
Another friend proceeds to curse and weep at the first friend yelling "I though you were a stand-up guy!"
What kind of weapon does a rabbi use?
I won’t get to use my water cannon of doom
A friend of mine planned to use balloons to propose to his internet girlfriend, but then they finally met face to face.
He immediately popped the question.
What type of toothpaste does a wave use?
Crest toothpaste, of course.
What type of image format do lion photographers use?
I read that 25% of toddlers in America know how to use an iPad.
Whilst 100% of toddlers in China know how to make one.
Why did NASA use numbers instead of letters for the Apollo series?
Because if Apollo-F crashed, they’d have to make an Apollo-G.
What kind of weapon does a paramedic use?
You should never use the plural of a word when you should be using the singular
What kind of fax machine did the Trump Administration use?
An alternative facts machine.
What kind of spells do leprechauns use?
Lucky Charms.
Happy St Patrick's Day everyone!
I asked my personal trainer at the gym, which type of machine I should use to make myself more attractive to women?
He suggested, the cash machine .
I use a lot of the jokes from here, but I always tell folks where I got them.
Just giving cReddit where it's due.
What kind of glue can you use to hold ice blocks together?
Curse the creator of autocorrect! I asked my friend what the best shampoo to use was, and he replied “Panettone”.
That was last Tuesday, and I still haven’t got all the crumbs out of my hair.
If you wanted to take a bunch of bullets and forge them into a sword fit for a king what Caliber would you use?
No matter what shampoo I use, I can’t seem to get rid of my dandruff.
It’s a real head scratcher.
I ran out of toilet paper, so I had use old newspapers...
After a few uses, I decided to get rid of my vacuum.
What kind of batteries do they use in Canada?
My wife often uses the promise of raunchy sex to get little jobs done around the house.
What type of weapon does a vegetable knight use?
What type of phone does David Berkowitz use?
What kind of self defence do vegans use?
A judicious use of the board.
I don't understand why anyone would use a club instead of a sword
Did you hear that they're replacing two letters of the alphabet? Instead of T, you have to say "Clowns". Instead of V, you need to say "Jokers". I refuse to use them, but I was singing the alphabet when they changed them, so I have a problem...
Clowns to the left of me, Jokers to the right, here I am, stuck in the middle with U.
What Kind Of Plastic Does A Clown Use?
What kind of phone does a burglar use?
Proud dad moment - Dad what type of sandpaper does the dog use?
Woof ones
5 year old daughters joke, so proud :)
What did the ship’s cat use instead of a litter box?
I finally got my cat to use a scratching post instead of my couch!
Fathers of reddit what are some good softball puns that I can use?
I have a girl I want to woo and take her to prom but I need some good material that is funny and gets to the point, I know this isn’t a joke but i really wanna take her to prom
What kind of lure do you use to trap popular people?
I don't understand why some people use fractions instead of decimals.
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