What do you call the people who disciplines others who use puns?

The punisher.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ikennaezeee
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a serial killer who frequently uses puns?

Ted Pundy

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WD40911
πŸ“…︎ Feb 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do dad jokes often use puns?

To punish others.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thedasvot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Uses Pun, It's Super Effective

Me: Let me see your fan.
Friend: *shows me fan*
Me: I'm much bigger than that. Some might even say your biggest...
Friend: I need you to leave.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/firetruckpilot
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm writing a story about a minotaur who uses puns.

He cows his enemies with bad jokes.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlueRam1409
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2015
🚨︎ report
What kind of chairs do they use in Ireland?

Paddy O’furniture

πŸ‘︎ 635
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2021
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Why do astronauts use linux?

because you can't open windows in space.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Niyi_M
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2021
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In the old days, excessive use of commas was considered to be a serious crime.

It usually resulted in a long sentence.

πŸ‘︎ 766
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2021
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Went to GameStop to use the bathroom, but it was out of order...

I guess I have to keep holding it.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2021
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Why can't jedi use the Kelvin scale?

Because only a sith deals in absolutes

πŸ‘︎ 185
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πŸ‘€︎ u/greencash370
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2021
🚨︎ report
Which program do jedi use to open PDFs?

Adobe Wan Kenobi

πŸ‘︎ 118
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kingkierite
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2021
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I don't understand why some people use fractions instead of decimals.

It's pointless.

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EmBeeCSGO
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
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Do not use β€œBeefstew” as your computer password

It’s not stroganoff

πŸ‘︎ 81
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Corvette-Ronnie
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2021
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Sometimes I use big words I don’t fully understand.

It makes me sound more photosynthesis.

πŸ‘︎ 283
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EliteCombatWombat
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2021
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What gender pronouns does a chocolate bar use?

Her/she.

πŸ‘︎ 518
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theman_themyth_
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2021
🚨︎ report
What gender pronouns do chocolates use?

Hershey!

πŸ‘︎ 524
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πŸ‘€︎ u/moist_bum
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2021
🚨︎ report
What’s a robot say when it has to use the restroom?

Peepoop

πŸ‘︎ 71
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Slymm17
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2021
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Why can't elephants use computers?

Because they're scared of the mouse.

πŸ‘︎ 185
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SuperGrandPatzer
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2021
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I was taught to never use the Oxford comma

by Mrs. Henderson, my high school English teacher and a first-rate whore.

πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
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I use a crow to wake me up in the morning.

There’s caws for alarm.

πŸ‘︎ 52
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RichNCrispy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2021
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My wife uses nasal spray a lot, to the point we think she is addicted to it. I tried to send her to rehab, but she didn't like it.

She said it was just a bunch of stuffy people.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tilt-a-whirly-gig
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2021
🚨︎ report
A wizard and a singer were friends, so the singer invited the wizard to come watch his show, right before the show the singer loses his voice, so to help him sing, wizard uses his magic, the singer turns into a sink, why?

Cuz it was a spell-ing mistake.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/frozenscar
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you know you can't use 'Beef Stew' as a password?

Apparently it's not stroganoff

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BHMR5
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2021
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What type of image format do lion photographers use?

RAWR

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/InfinitySandwich
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2021
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I read that 25% of toddlers in America know how to use an iPad.

Whilst 100% of toddlers in China know how to make one.

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2021
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The best bakers use real butter so . . . .

there is no margarine for error.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2021
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What kind of fax machine did the Trump Administration use?

An alternative facts machine.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hobbitinterrupted
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2021
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What kind of spells do leprechauns use?

Lucky Charms.

Happy St Patrick's Day everyone!

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Such-Fig-3879
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2021
🚨︎ report
You should never use the plural of a word when you should be using the singular

Amen

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LastLeave8770
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2021
🚨︎ report
Why can't athiests use exponents?

Because they don't believe in a higher power.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kymoo6
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Why would a Proctologist use 2 fingers during an exam?

To get a second opinion

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Flo_ren_tine
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2021
🚨︎ report
Why did my son use wool on his minecraft airfield runway?

True story.

My son was excitedly telling us about his minecraft airfield that he was building, and he explained that, among many other details that my brain ignored, he made the runway out of wool. Other son asked why. I was very excited to tell him that it was because asphalt was expensive, and wool was sheep.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/millia13
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2021
🚨︎ report
Why did NASA use numbers instead of letters for the Apollo series?

Because if Apollo-F crashed, they’d have to make an Apollo-G.

πŸ‘︎ 123
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Colevanders
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
🚨︎ report
I’m planning a paint themed party for my friend, any paint/art themed puns I can use for the invitations?
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MannnOfHammm
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2021
🚨︎ report
I asked my personal trainer at the gym, which type of machine I should use to make myself more attractive to women?

He suggested, the cash machine .

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2021
🚨︎ report
When you can't spell it, use it in a pun
πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ToastyZ71
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2021
🚨︎ report
What should you use with Batman shampoo?

Conditioner Gordon

πŸ‘︎ 562
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Oobedoo321
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Now days, people don't use the name Lance very often

In medieval times, people were named Lance a lot

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Degtyrev
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
🚨︎ report
What do bees do when they have to use public transport?

Wait at the buzz stop.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2021
🚨︎ report
Never use tap water as a perfume.

It doesn't make any scents.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CheeHL
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2021
🚨︎ report
Don't use the word "EGG" for your password...

It's very easily cracked.

πŸ‘︎ 101
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jigsatics
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2021
🚨︎ report
Why do astronauts use linux?

Because they can't open windows

πŸ‘︎ 172
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πŸ‘€︎ u/beshisaurus
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2021
🚨︎ report
What pronouns gender does a chocolate bar use?

Her/she

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Canadianpeople
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2021
🚨︎ report
Why do astronauts use Linux?

Because you can’t open Windows in space.

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2021
🚨︎ report
Why is β€œbeefstew” an unsafe password to use?

Because it’s not Stroganoff.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/peytonmi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Apparently you can't use beef stew as a password.

It's not stroganoff.

πŸ‘︎ 46
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/B3A5TxM0DE
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2021
🚨︎ report
What gender pronouns does a chocolate bar use?

Her/She

πŸ‘︎ 77
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πŸ‘€︎ u/YankeesFan80
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2021
🚨︎ report
Apparently you can’t use β€œbeef stew” as a password πŸ€”

It’s not stroganoff πŸ€·β€β™‚οΈ

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TotallyUnassuming
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2021
🚨︎ report
What gender pronouns does a chocolate bar use?

her/she

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ayaanjamil
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2021
🚨︎ report
Why do astronauts use linux?

Because you can't open windows in space.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/adfunk101
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2021
🚨︎ report

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