My friend had a discord discription of "having a bad time" i used puns, it went okay reddit.com/gallery/kxumgx
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DiscreteGalaxy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2021
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It used to be free to fill up your car tires with air, now it costs $1.25 You know why?

Inflation

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/snidawgg
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2021
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I used to like telling Dad jokes.

But then he died.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kdlaz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2021
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I used to eat watches and clocks for every meal, but I had to stop.

It was too time consuming.

πŸ‘︎ 950
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bombsaway1083
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2021
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I wrote down the names of all the people I hate on a piece of paper, but my roommate used it roll up a joint.

Now he’s high on the list of people I never want to talk to again.

πŸ‘︎ 20k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
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I have a pencil that used to belong to William Shakespeare. He chewed it a lot.

Now, I can't tell if it's 2B or not 2B!

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
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Son: "Dad, what are condoms used for ?"

Dad: "To avoid such questions."

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
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I hadn’t used my main in around a year but had a reason to burro back in my post history... I had forgotten about this, and I don’t mean to brag but this is the single greatest post I’ve ever made on reddit.
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2021
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I used to play the triangle in a reggae band

I left because it was just one ting after another

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πŸ‘€︎ u/schiggy182
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2021
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I had a happy childhood. My dad used to put me in tires and roll me down hills

Those were goodyears

πŸ‘︎ 430
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gotblake
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
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My buddy and I used to be Marijuana dealers and we always split our profits evenly between us.

It was a joint operation

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πŸ‘€︎ u/333iamhalfevil
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2021
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I used to be the triangle player in a Jamaican band but I had to quit....

It was always just one ting after another.

Edit: Thanks for all the positive reactions to this joke. I’m glad I could make a few of you chuckle today.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThroneDiscs
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
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Did you know I used to be a Lumber Jack? It was only during one summer, though.

I just couldn't, hack it.

Because I didn't have the, chops.

So they, gave me the axe.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
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been a moment since i used the tea-rex meme template
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nothrishaant
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
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My grandfather always used to say, β€œAs one door closes another one opens.”

Lovely man.

Terrible cabinet maker.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/klwill1192
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2021
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I used to go fishing with Skrillex ...

but he kept dropping the bass.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2021
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I used to be scared of speed bumps.

I’m slowly getting over it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/weiderman316
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2021
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I never played football but people used to call me Messi.

Ah! I guess, I should clean my room.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/elonlawn
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2021
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My son asked me, β€œDad, what are condoms used for?”

I said, β€œUsually to avoid answering questions like this one.”

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
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I misplaced my pizza cutter, so I used my Bryan Adams CD.

It cuts like a knife.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DiosMioMan2
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
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I used to think that an ocean of soda existed...

But, it was just a Fanta sea.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2021
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I used to work at a calendar factory

But they fired me for taking a couple of days off

πŸ‘︎ 72
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jaden_strommer
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
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When I first started learning how to drive, I used to be afraid of speed bumps.

But slowly, I got over it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sodrohu
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2021
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What do you call a coffee shop that used to be funeral directors?

>!A decoffinated cafe!<

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cyan-180
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2021
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Fishing used to be a solo pursuit...

These days it involves a lot of networking

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πŸ‘€︎ u/awesomecorearts
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2021
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My Grandad always used to say β€˜many hands make light work’

Awesome Grandad, rubbish Electrician

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Justlikeyourmoma
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2021
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I used to hate facial hair...

But than it grew on me

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Otacon56
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
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What do you call a serrated weapon that Polish people once used in battle?

A Warsaw.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MGreenMN
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2021
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I used to...

lay in my twin bed and wonder where my brother was.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2021
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My dad used to annoy me with bird puns.

But now I realize toucan play that game.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tacoenthusiast
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
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Do you know what 50 Cent used to do every time he got hungry

58

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jflorio9
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2021
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We used to cough to hide our farts..

These days we fart to hide the coughs

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sterovebertz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2021
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I used to date three coconuts but had to break up with them

They were a little shy for my liking

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hasdog_willtravel
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2021
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During dinner, I turned to my wife and said, β€œI used to be grapes.”

She said, β€œHuh?”

Me: Sorry. That must have been the wine talking.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2021
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I used to have an addiction stealing road signs

But then I kept on getting signs telling me to stop

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigg_UN
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2021
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I inherited my dad's collection of shallow flat receptacles with a raised edge, used for carrying, holding, or displaying articles.

I feel betrayed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2021
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Men with tattoos used to make people nervous...

Now they make them lattes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2021
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I used to be addicted to soap.

I'm clean now.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/red_snake0329
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2021
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My friend used to work for the forgeries division of INTERPOL with a specialization on the trafficking of fraudulent paintings.

He was an artificial art official.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sully1227
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2021
🚨︎ report
I used to love fishing with my son.

Oh well!! I guess I'll have to find something else to use as bait now.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the party held for devices used to weigh tractor trailers' loads?

It was a large scale celebration.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2021
🚨︎ report
I still remember my childhood quite fondly, when dad used to roll us down the hill inside car tires.

Those were the Good Years.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2021
🚨︎ report
Hell used to be an island

but then Helsinki

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πŸ‘€︎ u/alanpearce
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2021
🚨︎ report
Back in my day, we used to cough to cover up a fart.

But nowadays, with Covid, you fart to cover up a cough.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
🚨︎ report
are there any Sheep Puns that could be used to name a Sheep?

Names such as:

Baa-bara

Wool Smith

EWE-NICE

Brittney Shears

John Sebastian Baach

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LUIGIISREAL2017
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2021
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In college, I used to live on a houseboat, and started dating the girl next door.

Eventually we drifted apart.

πŸ‘︎ 663
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I used to be a Flat Earther.

Then I came round.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DeltaOne211
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2021
🚨︎ report
"I used to hate facial hair..."

"but then it grew on me."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PersonWalker
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
🚨︎ report

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