It used to be free to fill up your car tires with air, now it costs $1.25 You know why?
I used to like telling Dad jokes.
I used to eat watches and clocks for every meal, but I had to stop.
It was too time consuming.
I wrote down the names of all the people I hate on a piece of paper, but my roommate used it roll up a joint.
Now he’s high on the list of people I never want to talk to again.
I have a pencil that used to belong to William Shakespeare. He chewed it a lot.
Now, I can't tell if it's 2B or not 2B!
Son: "Dad, what are condoms used for ?"
Dad: "To avoid such questions."
I hadn’t used my main in around a year but had a reason to burro back in my post history... I had forgotten about this, and I don’t mean to brag but this is the single greatest post I’ve ever made on reddit.
I used to play the triangle in a reggae band
I left because it was just one ting after another
I had a happy childhood. My dad used to put me in tires and roll me down hills
My buddy and I used to be Marijuana dealers and we always split our profits evenly between us.
I used to be the triangle player in a Jamaican band but I had to quit....
It was always just one ting after another.
Edit: Thanks for all the positive reactions to this joke. I’m glad I could make a few of you chuckle today.
Did you know I used to be a Lumber Jack? It was only during one summer, though.
I just couldn't, hack it.
Because I didn't have the, chops.
So they, gave me the axe.
been a moment since i used the tea-rex meme template
My grandfather always used to say, “As one door closes another one opens.”
Lovely man.
Terrible cabinet maker.
I used to go fishing with Skrillex ...
but he kept dropping the bass.
I used to be scared of speed bumps.
I’m slowly getting over it
I never played football but people used to call me Messi.
Ah! I guess, I should clean my room.
My son asked me, “Dad, what are condoms used for?”
I said, “Usually to avoid answering questions like this one.”
I misplaced my pizza cutter, so I used my Bryan Adams CD.
I used to think that an ocean of soda existed...
But, it was just a Fanta sea.
I used to work at a calendar factory
But they fired me for taking a couple of days off
When I first started learning how to drive, I used to be afraid of speed bumps.
But slowly, I got over it.
What do you call a coffee shop that used to be funeral directors?
Fishing used to be a solo pursuit...
These days it involves a lot of networking
My Grandad always used to say ‘many hands make light work’
Awesome Grandad, rubbish Electrician
I used to hate facial hair...
What do you call a serrated weapon that Polish people once used in battle?
I used to...
lay in my twin bed and wonder where my brother was.
My dad used to annoy me with bird puns.
But now I realize toucan play that game.
Do you know what 50 Cent used to do every time he got hungry
We used to cough to hide our farts..
These days we fart to hide the coughs
I used to date three coconuts but had to break up with them
They were a little shy for my liking
During dinner, I turned to my wife and said, “I used to be grapes.”
She said, “Huh?”
Me: Sorry. That must have been the wine talking.
I used to have an addiction stealing road signs
But then I kept on getting signs telling me to stop
I inherited my dad's collection of shallow flat receptacles with a raised edge, used for carrying, holding, or displaying articles.
Men with tattoos used to make people nervous...
Now they make them lattes.
I used to be addicted to soap.
My friend used to work for the forgeries division of INTERPOL with a specialization on the trafficking of fraudulent paintings.
He was an artificial art official.
I used to love fishing with my son.
Oh well!! I guess I'll have to find something else to use as bait now.
Did you hear about the party held for devices used to weigh tractor trailers' loads?
It was a large scale celebration.
I still remember my childhood quite fondly, when dad used to roll us down the hill inside car tires.
Those were the Good Years.
Hell used to be an island
Back in my day, we used to cough to cover up a fart.
But nowadays, with Covid, you fart to cover up a cough.
are there any Sheep Puns that could be used to name a Sheep?
Names such as:
Baa-bara
Wool Smith
EWE-NICE
Brittney Shears
John Sebastian Baach
In college, I used to live on a houseboat, and started dating the girl next door.
Eventually we drifted apart.
I used to be a Flat Earther.
"I used to hate facial hair..."
"but then it grew on me."
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