I read it's romantic to scatter rose petals on your bed, but they were too expensive. Instead, my wife and I will just have to make love on..

No bed of roses

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NoMoreTerritory
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
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How does a flower propel a bicycle?

It petals!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
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3 Little girls were walking along with their mother on the way home from the park

Girl 1 turned to her mother and said...

Girl 1: Mommy, why is my name Lily?

Mom: Because when we took you out of the Hospital, a Lily petal fell on your head.

The second Daughter, now curious, asks the same question...

Girl 2: Why is my name Rose?

Mom: When we took you out of the Hospital, a rose petal landed onto your head

This is when the 3rd daughter pipes up and says...

Girl 3: AAAARRRGHFFFFJJJFSSSLLLHHH

Mom: Shhhhhhh, quiet down now Cinder Block

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FrogOnACouch
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2019
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What do you do on a flower bike?

Petal

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HeinousHermitCrab
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2019
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Flowers would make great racecar drivers.

They'd always put the petal to the metal.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/squarepheonix
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2018
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Dad, why am I called Lily?"

"Because when you were born, a lily landed on your head; so we called you Lily."

"Dad, why am I called Rose?"

"Because when you were born, a rose petal landed on your head; so we called you Rose."

"AHFVUBVCTRC'IUH(Y&%&DFK*+HVTX$ASXNl;!!!!!"

"Shut up, Refrigerator."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2019
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My dad sent me this text with no context. Have no idea why.

In heaven the Elephants are in charge of remembering everything, the monkeys are in charge of giving hugs, the hippos are in charge of retrieving things that have fallen in water, the mice are in charge of dancing on the petals of flowers, the cats are in charge of landing on their feet when they fall out of a tree and porcupines are in charge of keeping the monkeys away from the bananas. πŸ˜ƒ In Hell the Hippos are in charge of dancing on the flowers, the elephants are in charge of landing on their feet when they fall out of a tree, the cats are in charge of retrieving things that have fallen in water, monkeys are in charge of remembering everything, the mice are in charge of keeping the monkeys away from the bananas and the porcupines are in charge of giving hugs. 😫

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Slatetheturtle
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2017
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He got me and I loved it.

Driving with my dad and as we pull up to a red light the overgrown plants on the side of the road rub up against the car.

Dad: "$5 if you can name that plant." Me: "I don't know" Dad: "Lilly of the Nile. You know what that they call that sound of them hitting the car?" Me: "No. What's that?" Dad: "Petal to the metal."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mitchftwlol
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2014
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