Pets, puns and dictators

Help wanted from r/puns!

I am planning to make my girlfriend a picture calendar for 2015 of some dog/ cat based puns of famous dictators. I'm running short of ideas, and so am turning to Reddit, given their penchant for all things pets and puns.

My ideas so far:

Adolf Kitler

Chairman miaow

Kitty Amin

Ho chi(huahua) Min

Robert Pugabi

Colonel Catdafi

Saddam Hussaint Bernard

Benito Pussolini

Fidel Catstro

I'm looking to Reddit's collective pun power to generate some more ideas. Help me punslingers!

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/reddallthat
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 25 2014
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Attila the Hun had a pet snake who refused to eat.

He tried everything: rodents, small animals, and even cuts from larger animals, but it wouldn't eat.

As a last resort, he offered a virgin, but still the snake wouldn't eat. So, he called up the village's wise man.

Without hesitation, the wise man put two pieces of bread on the woman, and the snake ate her whole.

When Attila asked why, the wise man responded,

"Thine anaconda don't want nun unless you've got buns, hun!"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/a_wild_redditer
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 14 2020
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A guy walks into a bar with a dog and the bartender says "No pets allowed!"

The guy says "This isn't a pet, he's my friend and he can talk."

The bartender is skeptical and demands the guy proves it.

The guy asks the dog "What's the opposite of 'soft'?" The dog replies "Rough!"

The bartender remains skeptical and asks for more proof.

The guy asks the dog "What do people put over the top of their house?" The dog replies "Roof!"

The bartender gets annoyed and gives the guy one more chance.

The guy asks the dog "Who is the greatest baseball player of all time? Babe......" The dog replies "Ruth!"

The bartender is fed up and throws them out. The dog says "Should I have said 'Lou Gehrig?'"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 16
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 10 2020
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My pet crocodile needs help

Can I give him gatorade or does it only work for alligators?

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/LoSchifoso
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 02 2020
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Pet owner: "Vet , my birds are stuck together."

Vet: "I'm sorry, I don't understand. It's toucan fusing."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 32
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 19 2020
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I feel bad for pet rocks sometimes....

Why do people take rocks for granited?

I just hope mine doesn't dieorite.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/whoisapotato
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 21 2020
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No matter how many times she tried, Sherlock Holmes' wife could never convince him to grow fond of her pet duck.

He was a master of the duck shun.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/patricosuave
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 14 2020
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The best name for any pet is...

Peeve

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ThePegassi
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 02 2020
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Bought a new muzzle for my pet duck the other day.

Nothing fancy, but it fits the bill.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 44
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/the_houser
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 10 2020
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It was so painful having to put my pet dog down today.

I might have to get my back checked out.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 22
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/yellgames01
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 19 2020
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I have a pet tree...

It's like a pet dog, but the bark is quieter.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 68
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 01 2020
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I went into a pet shop and said: "I would like a pet parrot for my daughter."

Confused, the owner replied: "Sorry, we don't do swaps."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 21
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/the_houser
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 10 2020
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My son's pet frog broke his leg yesterday

He was very unhoppy

πŸ‘οΈŽ 126
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ineedapapaya
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 13 2020
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My pet seal was getting a bit old and wrinkly

... so I bought a seal iron

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/jnolife
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 08 2020
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My pet chicken loves classical music. He always asks by name for his favorite

Bach.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/AbortedMunk
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 09 2020
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There was a television channel ran by pets, the weather forecast was on and inclement weather was being predicted...

High chance of it raining cats and dogs, howling winds, and a possible purricane.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ConradFlick
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 15 2020
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My son wants a porcupine with no quills as a pet, but I refused.

I said, β€œThat seems pointless.”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 26
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 19 2020
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Went to the pet store and ordered a dozen bees. I noticed that the clerk gave me 13...

so I asked if that was a free bee. He replied, "No, that's called a baker's dozen. If you spent less time reading reposts on Reddit, you would know that."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/jpep0469
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 09 2020
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Over the years, my neighbour has buried his deceased pets in his backyard, and to his surprise, a plant has sprung up.

It's a Cemer Tree.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Brucemoose1
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 09 2020
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A man walks into a pet store and asks for a dozen bees. The clerk carefully counts 13 bees out onto the counter. β€œThat’s one too many!” says the customer.

The clerk replies β€œIt’s a freebie”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 23k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/RabidSyphiliticDingo
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 11 2020
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5 puppies were stolen from the pet shop yesterday....

Police are warning people to look out for anyone selling hot dogs.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 28 2020
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I got a new pet lizard, I named him Tiny....

because he’s my newt.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Sarafina_312
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 26 2020
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Goldfish are good pets, but...

Siamese fighting fish are Betta!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/DreadMoor
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 27 2020
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Son: Dad, why did you name your pet tarantula James Bond?

Dad: Because it’s a Spy Duh!!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/RedWing_16
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 21 2020
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My pet Ray fish died.

He is X Ray now.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/viky_boy
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 30 2020
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What do you call a pet leech?

A little clingy.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/callmefinny
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 27 2020
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Do you know why so many people have pets ?

Because they are not allowed to have people anymore.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 26 2020
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People ask me why I don’t go out much anymore, but I tell them it’s because I just bought a pet cow.

I have been milking that excuse for weeks now.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 24 2020
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I went into a pet shop and asked for twelve bees. The shopkeeper counted out thirteen and handed them over.

Me- β€œYou gave me one too many”

Shopkeeper- β€œthat one is a freebie”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 910
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/shadynasty94
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 13 2020
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How do you discipline your pet rock?

You hit rock bottom!

Sorry....πŸ™„

πŸ‘οΈŽ 77
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/_aPOKalipto_
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 11 2020
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Every time we asked our dad if we could have pets, he refused.

He said, β€œPets are just a step backwards.”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 40
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 15 2020
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A pet shop selling dog products has been robbed.

Police have no leads to investigate

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/tiger7971
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 06 2020
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According to the new rules this year, NFL players are no longer allowed to have a chicken as a pet.

It’s considered to be a personal fowl.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 16
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 11 2020
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My pet snake is 3.14 metres long

He's a Ο€ thon

πŸ‘οΈŽ 53
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ignorethevoices
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 19 2020
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I haven’t been able find my pet turtle for the past few months

Turns out he’s just been sheltering in place.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/thegoodwookie
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 06 2020
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I fell asleep with my pet bunny in my bed last night.

I woke up with the hare standing on the back of my neck.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/RealitiesOfWar
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 15 2020
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My pet snake is mad

It's having a hisssssssssssyfits

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ConfidentDuck1
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 21 2020
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When I go for a walk with my best friend, he can’t help but stop and pet every animal he sees. He just thinks they’re so adorable!

He has awwtism.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/pippingigi
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 17 2020
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A pet store in New Mexico has seabirds in the window for sale; I bought the one on the right, but...

...I knew I shoulda taken that left tern at Albuquerque!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/FunMathematician1
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 14 2020
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If You want to replace pet rodents, Which state should you go to?

New Hamster.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Lord_Aarsh
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 16 2020
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Did you hear about the virtual pet dog?

All byte, no bark

πŸ‘οΈŽ 49
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/CaptainAmerilard
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 18 2020
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I just got a pet tree

It’s just like a pet dog, only the bark is quieter.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 79
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/lemondigitech
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 25 2020
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My pet frog broke his leg this morning...

He’s very unhoppy.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 34
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 12 2020
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I asked my dad, β€œCan we get some pets?”

My dad said, β€œNo. Pets are just a step backwards.”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 174
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 05 2020
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I went to a pet shop and asked for twelve bees.

The shopkeeper counted out thirteen and handed them over.

Me: "You've given me one too many"

Shopkeeper: "That one is a freebie."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 38
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ALizardKing
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 01 2020
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