Pets, puns and dictators
Help wanted from r/puns!
I am planning to make my girlfriend a picture calendar for 2015 of some dog/ cat based puns of famous dictators. I'm running short of ideas, and so am turning to Reddit, given their penchant for all things pets and puns.
My ideas so far:
Adolf Kitler
Chairman miaow
Kitty Amin
Ho chi(huahua) Min
Robert Pugabi
Colonel Catdafi
Saddam Hussaint Bernard
Benito Pussolini
Fidel Catstro
I'm looking to Reddit's collective pun power to generate some more ideas. Help me punslingers!
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︎ Dec 25 2014
Attila the Hun had a pet snake who refused to eat.
He tried everything: rodents, small animals, and even cuts from larger animals, but it wouldn't eat.
As a last resort, he offered a virgin, but still the snake wouldn't eat. So, he called up the village's wise man.
Without hesitation, the wise man put two pieces of bread on the woman, and the snake ate her whole.
When Attila asked why, the wise man responded,
"Thine anaconda don't want nun unless you've got buns, hun!"
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︎ Nov 14 2020
A guy walks into a bar with a dog and the bartender says "No pets allowed!"
The guy says "This isn't a pet, he's my friend and he can talk."
The bartender is skeptical and demands the guy proves it.
The guy asks the dog "What's the opposite of 'soft'?" The dog replies "Rough!"
The bartender remains skeptical and asks for more proof.
The guy asks the dog "What do people put over the top of their house?" The dog replies "Roof!"
The bartender gets annoyed and gives the guy one more chance.
The guy asks the dog "Who is the greatest baseball player of all time? Babe......" The dog replies "Ruth!"
The bartender is fed up and throws them out. The dog says "Should I have said 'Lou Gehrig?'"
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︎ Dec 10 2020
My pet crocodile needs help
Can I give him gatorade or does it only work for alligators?
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︎ Dec 02 2020
Pet owner: "Vet , my birds are stuck together."
Vet: "I'm sorry, I don't understand. It's toucan fusing."
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︎ Nov 19 2020
I feel bad for pet rocks sometimes....
Why do people take rocks for granited?
I just hope mine doesn't dieorite.
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︎ Dec 21 2020
No matter how many times she tried, Sherlock Holmes' wife could never convince him to grow fond of her pet duck.
He was a master of the duck shun.
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︎ Dec 14 2020
The best name for any pet is...
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︎ Dec 02 2020
Bought a new muzzle for my pet duck the other day.
Nothing fancy, but it fits the bill.
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︎ Nov 10 2020
It was so painful having to put my pet dog down today.
I might have to get my back checked out.
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︎ Nov 19 2020
I have a pet tree...
It's like a pet dog, but the bark is quieter.
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︎ Nov 01 2020
I went into a pet shop and said: "I would like a pet parrot for my daughter."
Confused, the owner replied: "Sorry, we don't do swaps."
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︎ Nov 10 2020
My son's pet frog broke his leg yesterday
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︎ Sep 13 2020
My pet seal was getting a bit old and wrinkly
... so I bought a seal iron
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︎ Oct 08 2020
My pet chicken loves classical music. He always asks by name for his favorite
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︎ Nov 09 2020
There was a television channel ran by pets, the weather forecast was on and inclement weather was being predicted...
High chance of it raining cats and dogs, howling winds, and a possible purricane.
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︎ Nov 15 2020
My son wants a porcupine with no quills as a pet, but I refused.
I said, βThat seems pointless.β
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︎ Oct 19 2020
Went to the pet store and ordered a dozen bees. I noticed that the clerk gave me 13...
so I asked if that was a free bee. He replied, "No, that's called a baker's dozen. If you spent less time reading reposts on Reddit, you would know that."
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︎ Oct 09 2020
Over the years, my neighbour has buried his deceased pets in his backyard, and to his surprise, a plant has sprung up.
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︎ Oct 09 2020
A man walks into a pet store and asks for a dozen bees. The clerk carefully counts 13 bees out onto the counter. βThatβs one too many!β says the customer.
The clerk replies βItβs a freebieβ
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︎ Mar 11 2020
5 puppies were stolen from the pet shop yesterday....
Police are warning people to look out for anyone selling hot dogs.
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︎ Oct 28 2020
I got a new pet lizard, I named him Tiny....
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︎ Oct 26 2020
Goldfish are good pets, but...
Siamese fighting fish are Betta!
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︎ Oct 27 2020
Son: Dad, why did you name your pet tarantula James Bond?
Dad: Because itβs a Spy Duh!!
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︎ Oct 21 2020
My pet Ray fish died.
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︎ Oct 30 2020
What do you call a pet leech?
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︎ Oct 27 2020
Do you know why so many people have pets ?
Because they are not allowed to have people anymore.
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︎ Oct 26 2020
People ask me why I donβt go out much anymore, but I tell them itβs because I just bought a pet cow.
I have been milking that excuse for weeks now.
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︎ Oct 24 2020
I went into a pet shop and asked for twelve bees. The shopkeeper counted out thirteen and handed them over.
Me- βYou gave me one too manyβ
Shopkeeper- βthat one is a freebieβ
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︎ Jun 13 2020
How do you discipline your pet rock?
You hit rock bottom!
Sorry....π
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︎ Aug 11 2020
Every time we asked our dad if we could have pets, he refused.
He said, βPets are just a step backwards.β
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︎ Aug 15 2020
A pet shop selling dog products has been robbed.
Police have no leads to investigate
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︎ Oct 06 2020
According to the new rules this year, NFL players are no longer allowed to have a chicken as a pet.
Itβs considered to be a personal fowl.
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︎ Sep 11 2020
My pet snake is 3.14 metres long
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︎ Jul 19 2020
I havenβt been able find my pet turtle for the past few months
Turns out heβs just been sheltering in place.
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︎ Sep 06 2020
I fell asleep with my pet bunny in my bed last night.
I woke up with the hare standing on the back of my neck.
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︎ Sep 15 2020
My pet snake is mad
It's having a hisssssssssssyfits
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︎ Sep 21 2020
When I go for a walk with my best friend, he canβt help but stop and pet every animal he sees. He just thinks theyβre so adorable!
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︎ Sep 17 2020
A pet store in New Mexico has seabirds in the window for sale; I bought the one on the right, but...
...I knew I shoulda taken that left tern at Albuquerque!
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︎ Aug 14 2020
If You want to replace pet rodents, Which state should you go to?
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︎ Sep 16 2020
Did you hear about the virtual pet dog?
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︎ Jul 18 2020
I just got a pet tree
Itβs just like a pet dog, only the bark is quieter.
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︎ Sep 25 2020
My pet frog broke his leg this morning...
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︎ Sep 12 2020
I asked my dad, βCan we get some pets?β
My dad said, βNo. Pets are just a step backwards.β
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︎ Jul 05 2020
I went to a pet shop and asked for twelve bees.
The shopkeeper counted out thirteen and handed them over.
Me: "You've given me one too many"
Shopkeeper: "That one is a freebie."
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︎ Aug 01 2020
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