Hens were often used in the Revolutionary War to identify colonists that were loyal to the Crown.

You never learned about chicken-catch-a-Tory?

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2020
🚨︎ report
The coronavirus will probably be the closest thing to a crown that Prince Charles will ever get.
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ak171
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Do you know Jesus? Long hair, crown of thorns, died for our sins?

That description nails him to a t

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JezyJezyJezy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2019
🚨︎ report
My triple pun Halloween costume deserves the triple crown.
πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DinosaurLegs
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife had two crowns put on her teeth yesterday. She was complaining about the pain and the dentist gave her some medication for it. We are talking later and she said that she waited too long between the first and second pill and her teeth started to ache again. I asked her what time that was.

She said she didn't remember.

I asked her if it was around tooth hurty!

She got mad and hit me in the arm and stopped talking to me for a while.

Totally worth it.

πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/blackdragon8577
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2018
🚨︎ report
β€œHey Dad, why does Jesus wear a crown of thorns in every picture?”

β€œNo idea. That’s a real head-scratcher.”

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2018
🚨︎ report
β€œI can actually say I got a crown on my birthday!”
  • my dad, just before going to the dentist on his birthday.
πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Inconsistentme
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2018
🚨︎ report
My dentist informed me today that I need a crown…

Finally! Someone who understands me!

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2017
🚨︎ report
A Triple Crown Winner?

Affirmed!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/xwhy
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2018
🚨︎ report
Why does the Queen let Netflix use her likeness in "The Crown"?

She probably gets royalties

πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/xxtenetzxx
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2017
🚨︎ report
What do you call the rabbit next in line to the crown?

The hare-apparent

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RogerOnTesting
πŸ“…︎ Feb 29 2016
🚨︎ report
*Puts a burger king crown on the gaming console*

Look, now it's the Royal Wii.

πŸ‘︎ 65
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sharra_Blackfire
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2013
🚨︎ report
Just got dad joked about Crown Royal Apple Whiskey

There was a commercial for Crown Royal's new Apple whiskey and I said to my dad, "that looks like it'd be pretty good." He responds with, "Yeah, it'd be worth a shot." I groaned so loud

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/k_pressley
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2014
🚨︎ report
Dad, how did you know American Pharoah was going to win the Triple Crown?

I studied the Gallup Polls

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/whiplash1911
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2015
🚨︎ report
My dad got me with this one, easily the crown of his week.

So I love orange juice, but I hate how it tastes after having brushed my teeth. So I asked my dad, "Do you know how I can drink orange juice after brushing my teeth?" And since he knows a few good home remedies like that, he says sure, and to follow him to the bathroom.

He has me brush, and as I'm doing that, he explains how the toothpaste does what it does, the chemicals involved, so forth. He then takes me to the kitchen and pours me a glass of orange juice, beginning to explain why the two react and such, and says, "here, see for yourself. " So I take a drink, and of course, its disgusting, and I spit it out.

"And THAT is how you drink orange juice after brushing your teeth."

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Pubbawubba
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2014
🚨︎ report
This might be my crowning achievement. If it's been done before, I apologize for nothing. Grape minds think alike- nope wrong fruit.
πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Davebelieves
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Why wasn't the rabbit crowned king?

Because he wasn't the true hare to the throne

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2020
🚨︎ report
My TV started playing random Netflix shows. It was weird...

But I’ve seen Stranger Things

πŸ‘︎ 145
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GigaMike123
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a Burger King hamburger?

Crowned Beef.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Shrek_is_russian
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
My dentist told me that I am a royal descendant

I get my crown next week

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Scottspears89
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2020
🚨︎ report
*Ted receiving the Best Dentist award at the Dentist award show*

This award is my crowning achievement but this is the only plaque that’s allowed in my house.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Scottspears89
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
🚨︎ report
My crowning glory

Years ago, my Aunt Ann ate a couple of hot dogs at the county fair, and afterward experienced some... digestive difficulties. I declared it The Diarrhea of Ann's Franks.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/President_Calhoun
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2018
🚨︎ report
What is your crowning achievement?

My crowning achievement is when I swallowed a trophy and couldn't poop it out.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SimpleFlips
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2016
🚨︎ report
they called him the king of the dentists

because he specialized in crowns

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/funnybert
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Prince Charles got the COVID-19

Finally he got his crown

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Usual-Buddy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2020
🚨︎ report
All these deadly viruses we should be worried about, but when it comes to media attention...

... corona takes the crown

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2020
🚨︎ report
My dad's crowning moment

driving down I-75 when we passed fire trucks outside of an urban active gym

Mom: Look at all of those fire trucks!

Dad: wow, they must really be burning those calories!

πŸ‘︎ 138
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/r2deetard
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2013
🚨︎ report
Why did the Queen go to the dentist?

She broke her crown.

πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kilokiilo
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2020
🚨︎ report
My dad's crowning moment...

About twelve years ago, when I was little and my dad had a mustache:

Me: Daddy? What is it like to have a mustache? Dad: Go ask your mother.

πŸ‘︎ 121
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GlassOrchid
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2013
🚨︎ report
Throne of Games
πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NameslessDude
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you know the queen has a vape pen?

She calls it her crown Juul.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pelinets_fan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Why is a baby showing the top of its head during labor a significant event?

Because that’s the baby’s crowning achievement.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/surgicalfunnel
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2019
🚨︎ report
While my wife was in labor, I told her jokes to distract her from the pain, but she wasn't amused…

It must have been the delivery…

πŸ‘︎ 292
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2017
🚨︎ report
What do tou call a dentist who's testifying in court

A crown witness

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/aceman2221
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Is it that obvious?

I found my feather headdress but it's getting worn out: I have a patchy Apache crown

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/noahep22
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Question about broccoli in divorce

If you got divorced because of a broccoli argument (long story) and a month after the divorce you notice your ex in the supermarket, and she has a produce bag full of broccoli crowns in her shopping cart, and you sneak up while she's not looking and swap the bag of crowns for a bag of stalks, can you be charged with stalking?

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/aiaor
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2019
🚨︎ report
My chickens had a sudden change of leadership

Someone took the first leader's crown. I've heard complaints that he was winging every decision, running around like a headless chicken. He was probably too cocky to plan for coop attempts.

More on this as I find out information.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CoruscareGames
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2019
🚨︎ report
A dentist pulled out my tooth without meaning to

It was accidental.

πŸ‘︎ 51
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/trollachot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2012
🚨︎ report
Why did the Queen visit the dentist?

To be crowned

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/littlelaurelleaf
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2018
🚨︎ report
I can understand why Jesus was crucified.

But the Crown of Thornsβ€”- that’s a head scratcher.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2018
🚨︎ report
How are a coronation and child birth similar?

They are both crowning achievements.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lordofspork
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2018
🚨︎ report
I thought my birth was my mother's greatest achievement.

Turns out it was just her crowning achievement.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lordofspork
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2017
🚨︎ report
Village Idiot Puns

Way back when I was a kid, for my school's Renaissance Faire-esque fundraiser, I went around wearing a sign that read "Vilage Idiot". When guests asked why, I'd reply, "I wasn't always the village idiot...

  • β€œI used to be a tailor... but it didn't quite suit me... It was only a so-so job.”
  • β€œI once was a lumberjack... but I couldn't hack it... so they gave me the axe.”
  • β€œI was a fisherman too... I just couldn't live off my net income.”
  • β€œI thought about being a witch for a spell.”
  • β€œI tried being a chef... but I just didn't have enough thyme for it.”
  • β€œI was a musician once... but I didn't accomplish anything noteworthy.”
  • β€œFor awhile I was a doctor... but I didn't have the patience to keep it up.”
  • β€œI once was a accountant... but I lost interest. The job was too taxing.”
  • β€œI tried moonlighting as a nun... but I confess, they didn't like my altar ego... or my bad habits.”
  • β€œMore recently, I was a baker... but I couldn't make enough dough at it... Guess I wasn't bred for the job.”
  • β€œHeck, I was even king for a day... but I didn't have any crowning achievements.”

...And so now, here I am: village idiot, just like my father was. Ah... my father, he was the best village idiot we ever had. It's hard living in his shadow sometimes. You see, my father was a complete idiot! ...I'm just a half-wit.”

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ason42
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2016
🚨︎ report
An old favorite

King Broderick was in trouble. He wasn't a very good king, and his brother Argyle was gathering forces to depose him and take the crown. In desperation, he captured Count Petrie, a very popular man who was one of his brother's cronies, and tortured him to learn his brother's location.

But the count wouldn't divulge the information, so the King scheduled a public execution. The crowds gathered, including the King's brother, who was there in disguise. The Count was forced to kneel, with his head on the chopping block. The headsman stood nearby, holding his axe at the ready. King Broderick loudly proclaimed "Count, you are here before me because you have aligned yourself with my brother. If you tell me where he is, I will allow you to live out your days in my dungeon. Remain silent, and you will die." The Count remained silent. King Broderick motioned to the headsman, who slowly raised his axe and swung it down...THUNK...into the wood next to the Count's head. The Count stared at the axe, visibly shaking. King Broderick loudly proclaimed "Count, that was a warning, and there will not be another. Tell me where my brother is and you will live. Remain silent, and you will die!" The Count stayed silent. King Broderick again motioned to the headsman, who raised the axe. As the headsman began the downswing, the Count cried out "Wait!!" but...THUNK...it was too late, and the Count's head fell to the ground.

At the Count's death, the King's brother leapt up and revealed himself to the crowd. Cheering Argyle, they crowded forward and overran the King's guards. Soon, it was Broderick's head on the chopping block. Argyle, the new King, waved back the headsman, knelt beside his brother and whispered into his ear "Silly brother, don't hatchet your Counts before they've chickened."

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Nyarlathotep4King
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2018
🚨︎ report
Took my daughter to her first dentist appointment.

She is a very typical girly-girl -- loves princesses and pink stuff. The dentist says "Let's see those pretty princess teeth!" to which my natural response was "I hope none of them need a crown!"

πŸ‘︎ 169
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ohenry78
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2015
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.