Got a job at a potato chip factory. On top of salary they said I could pick any flavor chip off the shelf once a month.
They prided themselves in their stock options.
From my 10-year-old: "Daddy, what has it's bottom at the top?"
"I don't know, bud, what?"
"Your legs."
Well done, kid.
I've just made a list of the top 10 dad jokes I know. The first 9 are alright but the last one is absoutely briliant.
- alright
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- alright
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- alright
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- alright
- absoutely briliant
Well, I got my vaccine today but the nurse put it in the top of my leg.
I put on 30 jackets one on top of the other, someone calls me and asks me to go out, I said I can’t ...
Why do they call the top rooms in a hotel the suite?
'Cause when you open the door to walk in you say .... 'sweeeeet'
I enjoyed hiking up mountains, until I arrived at the top.
From there, it's all downhill.
What’s the top streaming service in Russia?
I couldn't make it to the top of the tower in Paris...
I am a proud dad today - my son ask me what this Indian bread on top of the fridge is for
I told him it’s Naan of his business
Edit: he could have replied “papa dumb”
As we were at the top of the Eiffel Tower watching a beautiful sunset, I got down on one knee and said, “Honey?”
She gasped audibly and said, “Yeah?”
I said, “Help! My knee is made of magnets!”
What does Carrot Top wear to the beach?
I've come up with a list of the top 10 types of specialized chairs
Top Dad Jokes list, some of the best ones:
One, ein, un, bat, ekab, moja, wahed, odin, yski
If your in the bottom bunk of a bunk bed and someone's asleep in the top bunk,
Does that mean you're under a rest?
Do you know the top 15 states to live in?
Alaska, Washington, Idaho, Montana, North Dakota, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Ohio, Pennsylvania, New York, Vermont, New Hampshire, & Maine
After a long hike to the top of a mountain, my wife asked me, “So what do you think of The View?”
I said, “Whoopi Goldberg is ok, but I don’t like the other women on the show.”
what did the depressed water park attendant think of at the top of a high rise building?
Last evening I walked up the hill in the park to see the planets. Stumbled over a lip in the concrete and went down pretty hard. Ripped pants and skinned hands and knees. When I got to the top I couldn't see a thing.
The view was not worth the trip.
Sad to report the death of the founder of Dulux paint. He died this morning from hypothermia on top of a mountain.
It's been reported he could have done with another coat.
What happens when chickens lay eggs at the top of a hill?
What does a blind woman say when she gets to the top of the Space Needle?
Nothing, cause she can't Seattle.
My friend announced that he parkoured his way to the top of a pub, but nobody cared.
After all, it was a low bar to climb.
Why was the farmer afraid to rescue the cow from on top of the barn?
The steaks were too high.
The other day I was on the dock talking to two of my neighbors… One of them had a cooler full of beers and snacks… Pulling out a beer pops the top and opening a bag of chips, he says “My wife’s an angel
I said, “you’re lucky – mine is still alive…”
When I dropped my top-of-the-line Microsoft laptop on the asphalt, I figured it was ruined
Turns out I had barely scratched the Surface.
A woman starting a hike at the Grand Canyon asked me how the trail was as I reached the top
I said “it’s all downhill from here!”
I bet a butcher $20 that he couldn't reach the meat on the top shelf...
He said "Sorry man. The steaks are too high."
Have you heard about the top secret bakery?
It's on a knead to dough basis
There is always something going wrong on the top floor of my house.
Id say its a problem-attic
I live on top of the mountain and i usually have 99 problems
Say what you want about carrot top, but fact of the matter is he’s out there making a living as a comedian
You gotta give him props for that
My wife asked, “Honey, could you reach that dish on the top shelf? It’s too high for me.”
It was a challenge, but I stepped up to the plate.
Why do these reposts of the butane joke keep getting upvoted to the top?
In my my neighbor's home, their huge dog frequently sleeps at the landing at the top of their tall staircase causing a possible tripping hazard. Good advice to them....
Persons in their household should watch their steps, particularly early risers.
Why can’t the number 5 perform sexually when number 1 is on top?
My friends and I tried to bypass the quarantine laws by dressing up as crows and hanging out together on top of a telephone wire
Unfortunately, someone called the police on us and we got arrested for attempted murder.
I woke up on top of my house this morning, and the last thing I remember was going to the bar...
I’m afraid someone roofied me
I just made a list of my top 10 favourite Dad jokes. The first 9 are great but the last one is an absolute cracker
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great
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great
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great
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great
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great
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great
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great
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great
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great
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An absolute cracker
I saw a guy drink a bottle of brandy, then fill it to the top with water and screw the lid back on.
He approached a wild ox. The ox looked at him.
The guy said, "Hello, there, wild ox. Would you like to buy this bottle of brandy from me? £50, that is all."
The wild ox mulled it over, before pulling out the money and handing it over to the man.
In hindsight, I probably shouldn't have jumped up and yelled, "It's a con, yak!"
Mom moves expensive cuts of beef into the top shelf.
Dad: The steaks have never been higher.
Why did the chicken climb on top of the house?
...because it wanted to be a ROOFster.
What has a bottom on the top ?
What has a bottom at the top?
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