Why did the non-binary prospector head out West?
Because there was gold in them/their hills!
Before my surgery today, the anesthesiologist asked if I'd like to be knocked out with gas or he could just hit me over the head with a canoe paddle. So I guess it was...
...an ether/oar situation...
A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender asks, "Hey, what's with the paper towel?"
The pirate says, "Argh, I've got a Bounty on me head!"
Today I learned that if a canoe turns upside down in the water, you can safely wear it on your head.
My wife told me she’ll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer.
I’m not too worried, I think she’s jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf
I got hit in the head with a can of soda.
Luckily, it was a soft drink.
Praying mantis puns got me laughing my head off
A psychotic criminal stole a train. He said the reason was the voices in the head told him to.
Went to a new local grocery store called mommas and pappas. I bought a head of lettuce but just couldn't eat it...
Because all the leaves are brown.
Did you know that ancient Greeks would shave their heads before the Olympics to run faster?
Modern historians call it balderdash.
I gots two words that will leave you all scratching your heads.
I told my therapist I can’t get the Grease soundtrack out of my head...
I was at the store yesterday and some dude threw a jug of milk at my head
When that Apple hit Isaac Newton on the head, it gave him a brain embolism
It was a stroke of genius
A massive telescope dropped on my head yesterday....
I was seeing stars all night.
What do you call a killer who stabs people in the head?
A new strain of head lice is going around which is resistant to conventional treatments.
That has left scientists scratching their heads.
I have 6 legs, 8 arms, and 10 heads. What am I?
What's six inches long, has a bald head and every woman loves?
A hundred dollar bill.
This is my dad's favorite joke.
Why do big-game hunters mount their lions’ heads?
To mount the other end would be a catastrophe.
I have been reading some history on the French revolution and found out what happened to Louis XVI's head
Can’t get my head around why Timpsons was closed today.
Surely they’re key workers?
I put the punchline to this joke on Mr.Jackman's head.
If you don't get it, joke's on Hugh.
One day, as I was walking home, someone threw a block of cheese at my head. I thought-
“That’s not very mature!”
I got hit in the head by a can of Coke today.
I'm okay, it was a soft drink.
My girlfriend was sad, so I asked her who my favorite singer is and then placed my head on her chest
I told her Michael Boob-lay
She wasn’t as sad anymore (or much sadder since she realized how dumb the person she’s dating is). Happy new year everybody
The head veterinarian at a zoo noticed something alarming in a patient’s record...
The head veterinarian at a zoo noticed something alarming in a patient’s record. A monkey that had been a healthy weight at its last checkup was now recorded as being only half that.
Fearing for the monkey’s health, he went and saw it, expecting it to be sickly and skeletal. However, the monkey seemed totally normal. Confused told his staff to weigh the monkey again.
They did, but the number they reported was still astonishingly low. Sure it was a mistake, he went to weigh the monkey for himself. But when he put the monkey on the scale, it showed a number that was still far too low, and couldn’t possibly be right.
After a moment he spotted the problem: behind the scale was a grab bar on the wall, and the monkey had stealthily grabbed it with its tail, and was supporting some of its weight off the scale that way.
So the monkey's weight was fine, they just weren't paying attention to de tail.
There’s a Bounty on my head [X-Post: r/IndiaSocial]
A book just fell on my head
I only have my shelf to blame.
I just returned from my MIL's funeral, she was hit on the head during a tennis match & killed
It was a lovely service...
A guy walks into a bar holding a hammer over his head.
"Ladies and Gentlemen" he yells!! "This is not a drill."
If your boat flips you can wear it on your head.
Wanting to impress my son at the zoo today, I revealed to him, "Used to be best friends with a giraffe, but we had a falling out." Puzzled, he asked, "What happened?" I shook my head, "I don't know really, but I felt..."
"He was always looking down on me!"
Did you know that newborns have weak necks and need to have their heads supported?
I was replaying Wind Waker recently after having binged BNHA, and the idea popped into my head.
So, are you a Phillips head or a flathead?
I’m just trying to see how you like to screw 😎👉🏻👉🏻
We all have a submarine in our heads but we're not supposed to think about it. It's all sub-conscious.
I'm sorry, I couldn't get this out of my head
What do you call a man with a shovel in his head?
An Ambulance, immediately!
Still scratching my head in confusion, trying to understand why was I thrown out of the interview room???
My answer was spot on, upon being asked to give an example on a "Business being completely ruined due to carelessness"
All I said was... "A Pregnant Prostitute"
It was funnier in my head
I got an A on my origami assignment when I turned my paper into my teacher
I got hit by a soda can in the head!
Luckily it was a soft drink.
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