Why did the non-binary prospectors head west?
Because there was gold in them/their hills
The other day a bunch of books fell down on my head.
I guess I only have my shelve to blame!
Before my surgery today, the anesthesiologist asked if I'd like to be knocked out with gas or he could just hit me over the head with a canoe paddle. So I guess it was...
...an ether/oar situation...
did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a soda can?
he was lucky it was a soft drink
A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender asks, "Hey, what's with the paper towel?"
The pirate says, "Argh, I've got a Bounty on me head!"
I threw a Duracell at someone's head the other day and it cracked his skull
I was arrested and charged with battery
This popped in my head a few days ago. Why did the baker freak out after his latest project?
Because what he made was stolen!
Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant’s head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke’s son and knocked him off the battle field.
Yeah, apparently it was the first ever serf face to heir missile.
Went out in rain this morning but got hit on the head with a car part.
It was raining Datsun Cogs.
In these challenging times, I worry about the virus and keeping a roof over my head.
So I went and got the shingles vaccine.
Why did the CPU head up half an orchestra?
Because it's a semiconductor.
My wife told me she’ll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer.
I’m not too worried, I think she’s jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf
Today I learned that if a canoe turns upside down in the water, you can safely wear it on your head.
Did you hear about the girl with bee's in her head?
Yeah, she's got a hive mind now.
My friend asked why the stock market is closed this Friday. I looked at him, shook my head and said...
A psychotic criminal stole a train. He said the reason was the voices in the head told him to.
My friend got a role as an extra in a film. His job was to approach the lead actor and comb her hair away from the middle of her head...
I have been reading some history on the French revolution and found out what happened to Louis XVI's head
Did you know that ancient Greeks would shave their heads before the Olympics to run faster?
Modern historians call it balderdash.
Screwing in some camera mounts and I dropped my drill, it came so close to hitting my daughter in the head...
Good thing it was only a drill!
I told my therapist I can’t get the Grease soundtrack out of my head...
I was at the store yesterday and some dude threw a jug of milk at my head
When that Apple hit Isaac Newton on the head, it gave him a brain embolism
It was a stroke of genius
What do you call a killer who stabs people in the head?
I got hit in the head by a can of Coke today.
I'm okay, it was a soft drink.
I put the punchline to this joke on Mr.Jackman's head.
If you don't get it, joke's on Hugh.
The head veterinarian at a zoo noticed something alarming in a patient’s record...
The head veterinarian at a zoo noticed something alarming in a patient’s record. A monkey that had been a healthy weight at its last checkup was now recorded as being only half that.
Fearing for the monkey’s health, he went and saw it, expecting it to be sickly and skeletal. However, the monkey seemed totally normal. Confused told his staff to weigh the monkey again.
They did, but the number they reported was still astonishingly low. Sure it was a mistake, he went to weigh the monkey for himself. But when he put the monkey on the scale, it showed a number that was still far too low, and couldn’t possibly be right.
After a moment he spotted the problem: behind the scale was a grab bar on the wall, and the monkey had stealthily grabbed it with its tail, and was supporting some of its weight off the scale that way.
So the monkey's weight was fine, they just weren't paying attention to de tail.
I just returned from my MIL's funeral, she was hit on the head during a tennis match & killed
It was a lovely service...
I was replaying Wind Waker recently after having binged BNHA, and the idea popped into my head.
Wanting to impress my son at the zoo today, I revealed to him, "Used to be best friends with a giraffe, but we had a falling out." Puzzled, he asked, "What happened?" I shook my head, "I don't know really, but I felt..."
"He was always looking down on me!"
So my daughter is clearing the table and holds her cup above her head and says "Dad look..."
"I'm breathing underwater."
I've never been prouder.
What do you call the part of the snake that isn't it's head?
Still scratching my head in confusion, trying to understand why was I thrown out of the interview room???
My answer was spot on, upon being asked to give an example on a "Business being completely ruined due to carelessness"
All I said was... "A Pregnant Prostitute"
My dad said if he see me browsing reddit again, he'll smash my head to the keyboard
I guess hezsjkfowgajqjhsjwkwlsvvcaxxacfasuoc
The lift is from a company named Schindler...so it’s Schindler’s Lift...is this set up as pun on the classic film Schindler’s List? My head is spinning
Did you head about the cheese factory that exploded in France?
I watched an old lady in a head wrap get mugged for her purse before she quickly stabbed the man and took it back.
It was a shawl shank redemption
Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet
He was looking for Pooh
Old I know...
Why did the non-binary prospector head out West?
Because there was gold in them/their hills!
I got hit in the head with a can of soda.
Luckily, it was a soft drink.
I got hit by a soda can in the head!
Luckily it was a soft drink.
My wife said that if I don't get off the computer she'll slam my head on the keyboard...
...but I think she's jokinfjreoiwjrtwe4to8rkljreun8f4ny84c8y4t58lym4wthylmhawt4mylt4amlathnatyn
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