I was cooking burgers with my friend Nicky when I flipped one up high and hit him with it, just below the chin...

It was a Nick neck patty whack.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/prexzan
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I thought it was chin chong!
πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LogangYeddu
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2020
🚨︎ report
before fire lord ozai and chin the conqueror

it is oft forgotten that the air nomads once tried to rule the world. they were known as... the roamin' empire ;)

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/berninicaco3
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Girlfriend asked how I cut my chin as I walked out of the bathroom this morning. Come on.. what is the simplest explanation?

I cut myself shaving

With occam's razor!

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/klinquist
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a fat psychic? A four-chin teller
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JJDDooo
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call an animal that makes your chin really really cold?

A chinchilla

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BinaryPeach
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2019
🚨︎ report
A quadriplegic man became famous playing beautiful piano classics with only his nose, ears, chin, and forehead.

Before going on stage to perform, his tour manager would say, "Alright John. It's time to face the music."

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Danielaurence
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Tuck in my chin, pull my knees to my chest and lean forward.

That's how I roll.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/haymalb
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Mr. Chin decided to look for new opportunities after being knighted by the queen.

He is now Sir Chin.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chefboyclakie
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2018
🚨︎ report
My cousin looks like he has no chin

We were making fun of my cousin because it looks like he doesn't have a chin, it blends with his neck. His dad has the same thing.

I told him "I guess you have your dad's Chinetics" and my cousin asked me to see myself out the door.

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/spicyitallian
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2017
🚨︎ report
I was eating at Chin Chin's in NY NY in Las Vegas when I saw this on their menu

http://imgur.com/ddYc44E

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RebelE16
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2015
🚨︎ report
Some people have a butt chin...

but almost everyone has butt cheeks.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_ze_
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2015
🚨︎ report
Gravity Falls has the best puns
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IRONGOD2020
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the obese psychic who worked at a bank?

She was a four chin teller

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ImprudentGoose
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03
🚨︎ report
Our Chinese baker is morbidly obese.

He specializes in four chin cookies.

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kdlaz
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02
🚨︎ report
My 6 year old gave occupations to the Planters Mixed Nuts.

Cashews are bankers.

Peanuts are urologists.

And Chestnuts are plastic surgeons.

πŸ‘︎ 70
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πŸ‘€︎ u/inspire_me_please
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Rhett is not the same man without his beard
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I've been changing pillowcases all day...

Boy is my chin tired.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mjbass
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
🚨︎ report
not your ordinary can of soup.
πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/liltrigger
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2019
🚨︎ report
I dare you to read this

What tree do you wipe your hands on? A palm tree!

I heard a scary math joke, but I’m 2^^2 to tell it!

Have you heard of that new movie, β€œConstipation”? Well it doesn’t matter, it never came out.

I hurt myself when I went to a theme park in florida. When I went to the doctor, he started wrapping up my left leg, but then I pointed at my right and said β€œNo, doc, it’s dis knee.”

Last night I got mugged by 6 dwarves. Not Happy.

When Queen Elizabeth farts, everyone in the room must pretend like nothing happened. Noble Gasses don’t cause reactions, after all.

What’s the difference between a seal and a sea lion? One electron.

What happens to nitrogen when the sun rises? It becomes Daytrogen!

I called the animal shelter today and said "I've found six kittens in a suitcase in the woods." They said "Are they moving?" I replied "I don't know, but that would explain the suitcase."

Why can’t you trust Atoms? Because they make up everything!

Why do nerds wear glasses? It helps with division.

Why should you tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? You don’t wanna wake the sleeping pills.

What twitches and is found at the bottom of the ocean? A nervous wreck!

What do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller!

What do you call a 3 foot tall psychic on the run from the law? A small medium at large!

Help, I can’t stop reading books with female protagonists! I’m a heroine addict!

How did Sparticus react when he ate his wife for dinner? He was gladiator!

When does a joke become a dad joke? When the punchline becomes apparent!

19 and 20 got into a fight… 21.

My friend told me, β€œPeople who sell meat are disgusting!” So I said, β€œYeah, well people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer!”

How can turtles take photos of themselves? Shell-fie sticks!

What do you call a secret agent molecule? Bond… ionic bond. β€œTaken, not shared.” What did the dinosaur say to the other dinosaur? (Cut this part, but make a screeching noise)

How much does Santa’s sleigh cost? $0, it’s on the house.

If America switched from pounds to kilograms overnight there would be mass confusion.

I had a splinter once; it eventually got out of hand.

I’m going to go stand outside. If anyone asks, I’m outstanding.

Most people are shocked to find out how terrible an electrician I am!

What do mermaids wash their fins with? Tide What’s the coolest place to use the bathroom? The Lil Jon

Did you know that on average, people want three covers on their bed at all times? But that’s just a blanket statem

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kinjago
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
🚨︎ report
I occasionally read tarot cards, with decent accuracy. Because of my weight and ability many call me a fat psychic.

I prefer the term β€œfour-chin tellerβ€œ.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zuckerschneggle
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2020
🚨︎ report
After shaving my beard, I realized I liked my old look better.

I guess it really did grow on me.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2019
🚨︎ report
The overweight guy at the bank could see into the future

he was a four-chin teller

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2019
🚨︎ report
The error message on fat bastards screen when his computer crashed

Chin-tax error

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jskell89
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Tho my friends plastic surgery went horribly wrong...

He's keeping his chins up.

/edits: rephrasing and pluralization.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Nut joke as told by my dad today

What do you have when you've got two nuts on your chest?

Chestnuts

What do you have when you've got two nuts on the wall?

Walnuts

What do you have when you've got two nuts on your chin?

.

.

.

.

A dick in your mouth.

Groans and facepalms were had.

EDIT: Formatting

πŸ‘︎ 469
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jonaman8
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2018
🚨︎ report
Three little pigs

Once upon a time there were three little pigs, Pork Chop, Hambone, and Bacon.

The boys lived at home with their mother. One day their mother said, β€œI no longer have enough food to feed you boys, you need to go out on your own and find your fortunes.”

Not wanting to upset their mother they left the house together to seek their fortunes.

Several miles into their journey Bacon, the little pig everyone liked best, said, β€œLet’s build our houses here! This seems like a great place to start making our fortunes.”

Pork Chop and Hambone agreed. So they all began building their houses.

Pork Chop, the laziest of the bunch, decided to build his house out of straw, which he apparently stole from a nearby field. It was not a very sturdy building material, but Pork Chop didn’t care. All he wanted to do was play all day, and he didn’t want to spend too much time building.

Hambone was willing to work a bit harder and he decided to build his house out of sticks which he procured by de-limbing every tree within a 300 meter radius of their homestead.

Hambone and Pork Chop were happy. Now all they had to do was to play and sleep the rest of the day.

Now Bacon was a hard worker. He knew that his brothers had used bad materials and shoddy construction methods and he wanted to build the best house he could. He found several tons of bricks stacked in neatly ordered pallets in the forest which he decided to use for his building material. It took him several days, but when he was done Bacon had the best house on the homestead.

The next day a wolf, Scott Howard, happened upon the pig brothers and their new homestead. He spied the straw house and smelled Pork Chop inside and began to think to himself that Pork Chop would make a mighty fine meal, so Scott went and knocked on the door.

Scott said, β€œLittle Pig! Little Pig! Let me in!”

Pork Chop replied, β€œNo way JosΓ©! Not by the hairs on my chinny chin chin!”

Scott, undeterred by the reply says, β€œThen I’ll huff, and I’ll puff, and I’ll blow your crappy straw house to the ground!”

Scott began to huff and puff. He was evidently having some sort of asthma attack, but after a few tugs from his handy dandy rescue inhaler, he was able to muster enough wind to blow Pork Chops straw house to the ground.

Pork Chop narrowly escaped Scott’s massive jaws. Scared, and now homeless, Pork Chop ran for the nearest shelter he could see. Hambone’s house.

Scott, undeterred, chased Pork Chop to his new hiding place. Scott was very pleas

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RageMonster17
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2019
🚨︎ report
My physiotherapist has told me I need to stop doing most bodyweight exercises

He told me to keep my chin up though.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GaryTheKnight
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Fermented Milk

After every dad joke I like to follow up with:

This joke is like fermented milk.

Past your eyes!

(Hand swiping up from chin to forehead)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/orion808
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Some women are part of itty bitty titty committee

But some man are stuck in bare-skin hair-thin chin commission

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/konstantinua00
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2019
🚨︎ report
more dad jokes

The shovel was a ground-breaking invention.

Dad, can you put the cat out? I didn't know it was on fire.

This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there.

Whenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, "No, just leave it in the carton!"

5/4 of people admit that they’re bad with fractions.

Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, "do you know how to drive this thing?"

What do you call a man with a rubber toe? Roberto.

What do you call a fat psychic? A four-chin teller.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

To the man in the wheelchair that stole my camouflage jacket... You can hide but you can't run.

The rotation of earth really makes my day.

I thought about going on an all-almond diet. But that's just nuts

What's brown and sticky? A stick.

I’ve never gone to a gun range before. I decided to give it a shot!

Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? Because they're so good at it.

Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It's fine, he woke up.

A furniture store keeps calling me. All I wanted was one night stand.

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head.

I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport. I’m just doing it for kicks.

People don’t like having to bend over to get their drinks. We really need to raise the bar.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/weeb123xD
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2019
🚨︎ report
My son splashed soup all over my wife at dinner...

... After we cleaned the mess, because he thought it was party time not dinner time, my wife was sitting, defeated, on the couch lamenting having a rowdy toddler. She was listing all the things that could be different if he was calmer (the kid is always full-throttle and smart as fuck, I love it but it's a lot to handle) including not stinking like soup. I look into her eyes, hold her hands in mine, lift her chin up and said:

"Baby, I love you. You smell super."

In unrelated news, sleeping on the couch is better than advertised.

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/greymalken
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2017
🚨︎ report
What is the device which is used to cool the lower jaws of south american rodents?

A chinchilla chin chiller

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/torrell8
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2018
🚨︎ report
Learn Chinese in 5 min

LEARN CHINESE IN 5 MINUTES (You MUST read them out loud or it doesnt make as much sense)...

  1. Thats not right........ Sum Ting Wong
  2. Are you harboring a fugitive................... Hu Yu Hai Ding
  3. See me ASAP............. Kum Hia Nao
  4. Stupid Man...................... Dum Fuk
  5. Small horse... Tai Ni Po Ni
  6. Did you go to the beach?... Wai Yu So Tan
  7. I bumped in to a coffee table... Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni
  8. I think you need a face lift... Chin Tu Fat
  9. It's very dark in here... Wao So Dim
  10. I thought you were on a diet... Wai Yu Mun Ching
  11. This is a tow away zone... No Pah King
  12. staying out of sight... Lei Ying Lo
  13. He's cleaning his automobile... Wa Shing Ka
  14. Your body odor is offensive... Yu Stin Ki Pu
  15. Great... Fa Kin Su Pah
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/edg0023
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the guy who got a metal jaw replacement?

I think he just did it for a tin chin.

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/doodlebug02
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2017
🚨︎ report
Me and my kids were tickling their mom...

I said, 'tickle her under her chin', my daughter said 'which one!'

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/locke-in-a-box
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2017
🚨︎ report
What do you call an animal that makes your chin really really cold?

A chinchilla

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BinaryPeach
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a chubby psychic?

A four-chin teller

πŸ‘︎ 112
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JayCola93
πŸ“…︎ May 01
🚨︎ report
What do you call a fat psychic?

A four-chin teller

πŸ‘︎ 907
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09
🚨︎ report
What do you call a pudgy psychic?

A four-chin teller.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a pudgy psychic?

A four-chin teller

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 03
🚨︎ report
What do you call a fat psychic?

A 4-chin teller.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a fat psychic?

A 4-chin-teller

πŸ‘︎ 116
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πŸ‘€︎ u/music_snobbbb
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a fat psychic?

A 4-chin teller.

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bruceygoosey23
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2017
🚨︎ report

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