"Did you hear about the actress who was cut from her role portraying Christine in the Phantom of the Opera for being a problem alcoholic? She was a drunk On-gin-ue!"
St Peter says to the nuns "Given you are nuns and have devoted your life to good works you only need to answer a single question each to enter Heaven."
He looks to the first nun and asks "where did the first woman live?"
The first nun quickly replied "the garden of Eden".
St Peter nods approval and looks to the second nun "what was the name of the first woman?"
The second nun pauses for a second and then replies "Eve."
"Well done!" Says St Peter before turning to the third nun and saying "As the Mother Superior you should be able to answer this; what did Eve say to Adam when she first saw him?"
The Mother Superior furrows her brow and says "oh, that's a hard one".
"Correct!" Says St Peter. "You may enter."
She looked surprised.
... eye brows.
I tell her she’ll be sure to raise a couple brows
she seemed suprised
Yesterday, while eating dinner - my 3 year old daughter wanted a kiss from her mother.
Daughter: I want a kiss.
My daughter then proceeds to give her mom a kiss.
Me: I want 2 kisses.
Daughter then kisses her mom again.
Me: I want 3 kisses.
Kisses her mom again.
Me: I want 4 kisses.
She grabs her fork and puts it to my mouth, and says fork kiss! And laughs.
I'm so proud of her...hahahhaha
Edit: formatting (on mobile)
Fortunately, it didn’t raise any eye brows
I asked him, "Can you tell me what it's all about, existence and all that?" His eyes looked up at me, from underneath his bushy brows. Solemnly he said, "That is is a tricky question, but you should go work in an aquarium. "I was confused. "An aquarium, why is that?" "Because then you will have porpoise in life."
So the two girls get invited to a dance. The country girl thinks this might be too high brow for her, and tells her cousin, “Golly, them city fellers might think I’m just a dumb hick.” Her cousin says, “Don’t worry. Just do as I do and you’ll be fine.” After hours of dancing they got tired, so they sat down. Another guy comes and asks the city girl to dance. She smiles sweetly and says “I’m contemplating matrimony and I think I’d like to sit.” So when the next guy comes up to ask the country girl to dance she smiles confidently and says, “I’m constipated on macaroni and I think I’d like to shit.”
Wife finally agreed to cook breakfast and asked "What kind of eggs do you want?" (How do I want them cooked?).
After pondering for a moment I responded: "I think Chicken eggs today".
By that time she was slicing a bagel with a knife and with a furrowed brow made threatening motions toward me with the knife... :-D
housemate 1. : "I'd love a beagle"
me: "what the space probe?"
Housemate 2. : "sigh* shut up...are they difficult to manage?"
me: "i'd expect so, it took half of NASA to put it on mars"
the response was furrowed brow's and giggles.
My Dad and I were getting dinner ready when I quizzed him on how he seasoned the chicken and gravy mixture he was fawning over.
"Uh I haven't put anything in but the chicken, and the gravy."
"Were you going to season it?"
"Wasn't planning on it." he finished, apparently done with the conversation as his full attention was now on whatever football game was on. I decided if he wasn't going to take the initiative and make our food taste like something other than bland than I would.
"Here Dad put in some garlic," I said as i started grabbing spices from the cabinet.
"Some basil, salt, pepper, thyme... " I didn't see any thyme in here which was too bad because it would be just the thing for this.
"Hey DAD do we have any thyme left?" I asked him a little louder than I had been talking before.
"Time for what?" he asked, finally breaking his attention from the flat screen, a severely confused and almost worrried look cemented on his brow. And then, as quick as a camera lens closing... keep reading on reddit ➡
i'm digging around in the supplies when my buddy asks, "what are you looking for?".
to which he replies, "like what?"
My mouth opened and I just about repeated myself when my eye brows narrow and I look at him. he's just grinning at me.