You have milk on your lip...

Nice mooostache

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Arrakis_Surfer
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08
🚨︎ report
lip licking good
πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/maks_rsn
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14
🚨︎ report
What did the lips say to the facial muscle?

You make me smile.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/heavencatnip
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12
🚨︎ report
What do you call a light powered by a couple of lips?

A tulip bulb

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Angoram
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16
🚨︎ report
An beautiful woman orders a turkey sandwich at a deli, with pickles on the side. The guy behind the counter looks at her and says, "You like big pickles?" and winks. As he slides her a pastrami sandwich she looks at him, smiles, licks her lips and says

Wait, wrong sub.

πŸ‘︎ 672
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πŸ‘€︎ u/baconaboot
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04
🚨︎ report
Pritt is not the best lip balm I've ever used

But I couldn't complain

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/st_jimmy_02
πŸ“…︎ May 31
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Mary Pill Poppins Pharmaceutical just created a miracle drug that can cure any human of any disease. It's effectiveness is renowned while it's side effects are surprisingly minimal: thick layer of skin develops on the lips while rendering them dry, cracked and quite odorous.

Patients effected by this claim it's super callused fragile lips that smell like halitosis

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ramzert
πŸ“…︎ May 29
🚨︎ report
I accidentally gave my wife a glue stick from her purse, instead of her lip stick.

She still isn’t talking to me.

πŸ‘︎ 85
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kbig22432
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23
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What does a cow with no lips say?

Uuuuu

i’m sorry yall

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lucipol
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09
🚨︎ report
Me: I'm going to grow out the hair on my upper lip, then shave it, put it in a box, and hide that box.

Wife: Why...?

Me: It's going to be my secret stash

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BinaryPeach
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16
🚨︎ report
How many lips does a flower have?

Tu-lips!!

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yashrajt
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03
🚨︎ report
Do not worry, my lips are sealed
πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ComradeTruls
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2019
🚨︎ report
How many lips does a flower have

Tulips

πŸ‘︎ 254
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πŸ‘€︎ u/steventhebeliven
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2019
🚨︎ report
A snake charmer was bitten on the lips

He didn't know his asp from his oboe.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2019
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My girlfriend asked me to pass her the lip balm, I gave her superglue by mistake.

She’s still not talking to me.

πŸ‘︎ 82
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AnythingIsContent
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Women really know how to hold grudges over the smallest things. My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm, and by mistake, I gave her a tube of Super Glue.

It's been a week now and she's still not talking to me.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/simplyGagi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the microphone with lips? He was a loudmouth.
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cart0166
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2019
🚨︎ report
I have a friend named Phillip, he lost his Lip in an accident...

Now we call him Phil.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SirCEWaffles
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2019
🚨︎ report
If I criticize you on your bad lip fillers...

"Don't give me any lip"

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Beyond-Dreams86
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2019
🚨︎ report
I don't advertise my lip reading business.

It's all word of mouth.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2018
🚨︎ report
Why does Death always keep a stiff upper lip?

Because he has to Grim and bear it.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CadenceQuandry
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife asked me to pass her lip balm, but I gave her superglue instead...

She's still not talking to me...

πŸ‘︎ 58
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2018
🚨︎ report
My wife really knows how to hold a grudge, she asked for a tube of lip balm and I accidentally gave her a tub of glue

She still isn’t talking to me

PS. This is a cross post from r/ShittyLifeProTips

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AjIsMySlave
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2018
🚨︎ report
Women really know how to hold a grudge over the simpelest things. My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm, and by mistake, I gave her a tube of Super Glue

It's been a week and she's still not talking to me

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Obsidi3
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2018
🚨︎ report
I can lip read fish. Still don't know who Bob is though.
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2018
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My wife asked for her lip balm but I handed her superglue by mistake....she’s still not talking to me.
πŸ‘︎ 57
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gmaxis
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2018
🚨︎ report
How many lips you need to smell a flower ?

2lips πŸ’‹

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/music_snobbbb
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2018
🚨︎ report
What did the terrorist say to the pilot with chapped lips?

"I have a balm!"

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bryceguy72
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2018
🚨︎ report
How did the hipster burn his lips?

He drank his coffee before it was cool.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/74CK
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2018
🚨︎ report
How many lips does a flower have?

Two lips.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DCTChampion
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2018
🚨︎ report
This girl with duck lips walked up to me.

"Hey," she said. "Help me with this crossword. I need a 7 letter word, the clue is 'destruction'."

I said, "Wipeout?"

She said, "Because it makes my lips look bigger. Now help me with the crossword."

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2018
🚨︎ report
Pursed lips
πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/debaben
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2017
🚨︎ report
Dad lip-syncs to his daughter's crazy tantrum. liveleak.com/view?i=460_1…
πŸ‘︎ 418
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πŸ‘€︎ u/You-Can-Trust-Me
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2013
🚨︎ report
What do you call someone who can’t read lips?

Illiperate

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JG_melon
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2018
🚨︎ report
Wife: 'Have you seen my lip balm?'

Me: 'Aww, are your lovely lips feelin' like cowboy hips?'
her: '...What?'
Me: '.... Chapped?'

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StretchSmiley
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a bug that lip-syncs?

A millivanillipede.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_man_now_dawg
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2018
🚨︎ report
The skin on my lip was coming off...

So I pulled some of it off and jokingly handed it to my dad saying: "Here you go Dad"

His response: "Don't you give me any of your lip, mister"

πŸ‘︎ 157
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LegendDan
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2014
🚨︎ report
Lip-sticky situation imgur.com/yAZ4pZJ
πŸ‘︎ 130
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarahsugarplum
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2014
🚨︎ report
Why do chapped lips like California?

It's always balmy.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hephsters
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2017
🚨︎ report
Helped my wife with a few of the labels for some homemade hand scrub and lip balm she made as Xmas presents.
πŸ‘︎ 84
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πŸ‘€︎ u/han_so_low
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2013
🚨︎ report
Why do girls pucker their lips when applying lipgloss

Because they don't want their lips to stick.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mustachereviews
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2017
🚨︎ report
My dad after I had a lip resection...

I had a lip resection (when they take tissue out of your lip) last year because my bottom lip was too big. When I woke up from the surgery, my dad leans in and says,

"I thought it was kinda rude how you gave the doctor that lip."

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/brancamyname
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2013
🚨︎ report
My wife asked me to pass her lip balm...

I have her super glue by mistake. She’s still not talking to me!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KetoNun
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2019
🚨︎ report

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