Pritt is not the best lip balm I've ever used
Mary Pill Poppins Pharmaceutical just created a miracle drug that can cure any human of any disease. It's effectiveness is renowned while it's side effects are surprisingly minimal: thick layer of skin develops on the lips while rendering them dry, cracked and quite odorous.
Patients effected by this claim it's super callused fragile lips that smell like halitosis
An beautiful woman orders a turkey sandwich at a deli, with pickles on the side. The guy behind the counter looks at her and says, "You like big pickles?" and winks. As he slides her a pastrami sandwich she looks at him, smiles, licks her lips and says
I accidentally gave my wife a glue stick from her purse, instead of her lip stick.
She still isn’t talking to me.
What does a cow with no lips say?
Me: I'm going to grow out the hair on my upper lip, then shave it, put it in a box, and hide that box.
Me: It's going to be my secret stash
How many lips does a flower have?
Do not worry, my lips are sealed
How many lips does a flower have
A snake charmer was bitten on the lips
He didn't know his asp from his oboe.
My girlfriend asked me to pass her the lip balm, I gave her superglue by mistake.
She’s still not talking to me.
Women really know how to hold grudges over the smallest things. My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm, and by mistake, I gave her a tube of Super Glue.
It's been a week now and she's still not talking to me.
Did you hear about the microphone with lips? He was a loudmouth.
I have a friend named Phillip, he lost his Lip in an accident...
If I criticize you on your bad lip fillers...
I don't advertise my lip reading business.
Why does Death always keep a stiff upper lip?
Because he has to Grim and bear it.
My wife really knows how to hold a grudge, she asked for a tube of lip balm and I accidentally gave her a tub of glue
She still isn’t talking to me
PS. This is a cross post from r/ShittyLifeProTips
Women really know how to hold a grudge over the simpelest things. My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm, and by mistake, I gave her a tube of Super Glue
It's been a week and she's still not talking to me
My wife asked me to pass her lip balm, but I gave her superglue instead...
She's still not talking to me...
I can lip read fish. Still don't know who Bob is though.
How many lips you need to smell a flower ?
My wife asked for her lip balm but I handed her superglue by mistake....she’s still not talking to me.
What did the terrorist say to the pilot with chapped lips?
How did the hipster burn his lips?
He drank his coffee before it was cool.
How many lips does a flower have?
This girl with duck lips walked up to me.
"Hey," she said. "Help me with this crossword. I need a 7 letter word, the clue is 'destruction'."
I said, "Wipeout?"
She said, "Because it makes my lips look bigger. Now help me with the crossword."
What do you call someone who can’t read lips?
What do you call a bug that lip-syncs?
Wife: 'Have you seen my lip balm?'
Me: 'Aww, are your lovely lips feelin' like cowboy hips?'
Me: '.... Chapped?'
The skin on my lip was coming off...
So I pulled some of it off and jokingly handed it to my dad saying:
"Here you go Dad"
"Don't you give me any of your lip, mister"
Why do chapped lips like California?
Helped my wife with a few of the labels for some homemade hand scrub and lip balm she made as Xmas presents.
Why do girls pucker their lips when applying lipgloss
Because they don't want their lips to stick.
My dad after I had a lip resection...
I had a lip resection (when they take tissue out of your lip) last year because my bottom lip was too big. When I woke up from the surgery, my dad leans in and says,
"I thought it was kinda rude how you gave the doctor that lip."
My wife asked me to pass her lip balm...
I have her super glue by mistake. She’s still not talking to me!