True Story - I saw a guy walking along with two huge mattresses strapped to his rucksack...
...I thought, at least he has something to fall back on.
Nothing really mattress, couldn't chair less
We got a new air mattress but it was too lumpy. We called customer support, very angry, demanding our money back!
They said we were blowing it out of proportion.
I'm thinking about buying a new mattress, but I'm not sure.
I think I'll sleep on it.
I bought a mattress today, but can’t decide if it’s firm enough.
My girlfriend and I bought a new mattress. When we got home and set it up, we were unsure about whether or not it would be comfortable enough.
She said, “Let’s sleep on it.”
What did the Frenchman say when presented with the finest mattress?
The price of my air mattress went up this year.
Automatic inflation is great!
My wife just texted me about a new mattress she found online for $600 off
I replied “Don’t you think we should sleep on it first?”
I recently went to the mattress store to buy a new mattress.
The salesman pointed me to a bunch of different options. Ultimately I think I found one that I wanted but the cost was a bit much. I asked the salesman if I could sleep on it and he said yes.
There must have been a misunderstanding because a few minutes later he kicked me out of the store.
The salesman asked me , “so which mattress do you want?”.
I said , “it’s a big decision, I need to sleep on it”.
Every time I lie down on my new bed, all the embarrassing moments from high school come flooding back to me.
I shouldn’t have bought the repressed memory foam mattress.
If a King mattress and a Queen matress had a baby, what would it be called?
I personally witnessed Roseanne purchasing a new Tempur-Pedic mattress.
That’s one memory foam I bet wishes it could forget.
Nothing really mattress...to meeeeee
I put a stone on my mattress
If a King gets a King size mattress and a Queen gets a Queen size mattress, then what does a Prince get?
I just slept on a memory foam mattress for the first time
it made a great first impression.
My mattress is starting to hurt my back, but I don’t know if I can afford a new one.
I think I’ll just sleep on it.
Why did the chickens buy a memory foam mattress?
Because they were no spring chickens.
What do you tell your weightlifting partner when he loses an auction for a mattress?
I’m not sure if I would like to buy a certain mattress or not.
I think I should sleep on it.
Real Dad Joke
I pulled this one on my adult son, who had ordered a bed, bed frame and mattress from Amazon, and was waiting for them to arrive....
Son: "I'm mad that it's taking my bed so long to arrive!"
Me: "You shouldn't take that lying down."
I recently DM'd a woman a picture of a couch. Then a dresser. Then a mattress. When she asked what I was doing, I said:
Just moving into your DMs.
This is for you single dads. My friend tells me it works every time.
My wife wants me to choose a mattress. Eh, I’ll sleep on it
Dad joked my fiancée while mattress shopping
Yesterday, we went mattress shopping and ended up buying the second or third bed we laid on. In the car on the way back, I told her "That could have been a hasty decision, we should have slept on it first."
I can't think of a title, let me sleep on it.
I was having second thoughts about buying a new mattress so I decided to...
The driver just left the mattress behind when it fell out of his truck.
...he didn't want to be arrested for aiding in a bedding.
They converted a parking space into a mattress store.
Why wouldn't the mailman take letters from the mattress salesmen?
He didn't like to deliver bed news.
Despite my past beliefs, this mattress is very nice
I’ve been sleeping on it for a long time
I bought a mattress after a hard day at work
I just needed something to fall back on
I noticed someone comment that they hid all their money in their water bed mattress
I guess they had a lot of liquid assets
A bad memory foam mattress?
They call that a "forget-it mattress" instead.
What do you call a mattress made out of corpses?
Buying a mattress is a big decision.