Cushion Puns

He does cross country

After we got there, I realized I forgot those things you’re supposed to sit on. There were reaper cushions.

Trevor loved tractors. And I mean, really loved tractors. Forget any obsessions or high-level interests you may have, chances are they pale in the face of Trevor’s love for tractors.

Every day Trevor would get up, in his tractor-themed bedroom in his tractor-themed house, with its tractor-themed wallpaper and tractor-themed carpets, and he would make his bed with its tractor-themed duvet and tractor-themed sheets. He would go downstairs in his tractor-themed pajamas into his tractor-themed kitchen, with its tractor-themed tiles and cupboards, and he would eat his breakfast while perusing the latest tractor-themed magazine or annual.

Trevors’s degree in Agricultural Engineering hung on his living room wall, along with a copy of his thesis, which centred around (you guessed it) tractors. The living room was decorated with all sorts of tractor-related trinkets, including die-cast models, paintings and drawings.

The hedges in Trevor’s front garden were trimmed in the shape of tractors. His lawn was vividly decorated with tractor-driving garden gnomes, and his garden furniture was constructed from various parts from vintage tractor designs.

Trevor just had one thing missing from his otherwise tractor-centric life; he had never actually owned, nor driven, a real tractor.

Not for his lack of trying, of course. Trevor had been to many tractor shows over the years, and visited many farms with friends of his, but none of the tractors he had seen had ever been quite right. Trevor was so knowledgeable about tractors that every single one he had come across had possessed some hidden trait that he wasn’t keen on. His first experience of driving a real tractor had to be perfect.

One day, Trevor was flicking through one of his favourite publications, Powertrain Quarterly, when there was a knock at the door. Trevor answered, and it was his friend and fellow tractor enthusiast, Jeff.

Trevor welcomed Jeff in, and over tea and crumpets served on tractor-themed crockery, they discussed the merits of aluminium drawbars and front-end loaders. Eventually Trevor pressed Jeff to explain the reason for his visit.

“Well” said Jeff, “As I’m sure you know the convention comes to town later”.

The convention. Trevor had been thinking of little else the past three weeks. The neighbouring town annually threw a convention for farmers, particularly farmyard machinery. There would be combine harvesters, lawnmowers, and of course, tractors.

“Yes of course” replied Trevor

Unless you’re prepared to deal with the Reaper cushions.

stolen from r/jokes. Credit to u/shopcounterwill. I don’t know how to link or tag stuff on Reddit

Edit: apparently I do. Haha

What do u call a cushion on the toilet seat?

A stool softener

They charge per cushion.

http://imgur.com/a/1qKYz

Turns out I wasn’t ready for the reaper cushions.

But I was unable to handle the reaper cushions.

It was a Whoopi cushion.

You will have to face the reaper-cushions

Sofa I’ve been getting very few customers. It’ll be good if I get some soon. That would help cushion the blow when I tell my wife where the money went. Anyways, I better find a way to fix this. The chairholders aren’t too happy

Terrible ex a cushion

One per cushion

I hope this is the right sub.... I'll never forget the day we lost my grandmother. It was a deeply difficult time. But it turns out she had just slipped between the couch cushions.

I have twins that each have a stuffed fox they love. I find one on my couch cushion and pick it up before sitting down after a rough day.

Kid 1: "papa, can I have that fox?"
Me: "sure, sweetie"
Kid 2: "can I have a fox too?"
Me: "sorry, peanut, I'm all out of fox to give"

edit: formatting.

Dad: "I had to CT a guy at work today. Poor guy had been hit in the head with a pillow."

Me: "Wha... a pillow?! How hard was it?"

Dad: "Pretty hard. They were worried he might have con-cushion..."

Me: I wouldn't think a couch minds many things.

Her: Nah, they're pretty chill.

Me: Yeah. Unless you take off the cushions. That just makes them uncomfortable.

Unless you’re prepared to handle the reaper cushions

...unless you're sure you can handle the Reaper cushions.

Unless you are prepared to face the reaper cushions.

Be prepared for the reaper cushions.

Unless you’re prepared to handle the reaper cushions.

Unless you’re prepared to handle the reaper cushions.

Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushions.

Unless you’re ready to face the reaper cushions

Unless you're ready to handle those reaper cushions.

Unless you're prepared to handle the reaper cushions.

Now I have to face the reaper cushions.

Otherwise you'll face reaper cushions

Unless you are prepared for the Reaper Cushions

Unless you're prepared for the reaper cushions.

Unless you're prepared to handle the reaper cushions.

Unless you’re prepared to handle the reaper cushions.

Unless you’re prepared to handle the reaper cushions.

Unless you're prepared to face the reaper cushions.

Unless you wanna face the reaper-cushions

Unless you’re able to handle the reaper cushions.

Unless you are willing to face the reaper cushions

Because of the reaper cushions